I feel a smidgen better.

I’m getting ready for the big trip tomorrow so trying to focus on things like avoiding refrigerator science projects. But I needed to write a wee update.

Yesterday I was deep in a funk. I dropped off the rented tableware, got my eyelashes tinted, nails done (for the beach!!) and then settled in on my couch with Mad Men.

Tony called. He was supposed to go to a sporting event with his best friend, who bailed, and he wanted to know if I would go with him.

I had also received an invitation to go dancing with a few girlfriends and I was trying to determine if I could rally to go out..I was morose and tired. But I really wanted to see him and frankly, make sure things were still okay.

I was also immediately relieved since I figured it meant I couldn’t have freaked him out THAT much. He wasn’t avoiding me, like he might otherwise do. It also meant I could have an opportunity to just be cool about the whole thing.

It was a fun night; our team had an amazing comeback win, further establishing my good luck status. Since it was supposed to be a boys night we occasionally joked about what I should be doing to honor his original guest. I commented on some hot girls and drank beer.

When I later asked him how I was doing with my “boy alternate” status, he said “pretty good; you aren’t talking about feelings”. I replied “quite true, I think I had enough feelings talk this morning to last a week or a month”. We had a good chuckle about it. Things felt alright.

So I’m freaking out less about freaking him out. I’m gone for a week on a beach and then come home to deal with a returning ex-spouse and a job hunt. Since I’m not traveling for work when I come back, there are a couple of nights where I may be able to see Tony before he leaves.

I have a lot of things on my plate right now. At least as of today, my plan is to just see how things play out in the short-term. I’ve not concluded whether he’s a good long-term relationship partner for me. There are some differences in how we approach life that could be complementary, or it could drive me mental. I don’t know yet and I’m working at keeping an open mind. There’s more to learn about each other. But for now we have fun together, we care for each other, he makes me laugh, and when he reaches over in the bed to pull me close to him, it feels really nice.

He’s my boyfriend, and I’m okay with that.

0 thoughts on “I feel a smidgen better.

  1. Well, I’m glad to read this! Good for you that you took on the male alternate for that evening. It probably helped not freak him out too much.
    But for now, enjoy having a boyfriend. It must be a nice feeling 🙂
    And enjoy Cuba too 🙂

  2. I am so happy you were able to see Tony again and have a great night before your trip . Wondering and over thinking your last conversation could have taken over your thoughts while you are on vacation 🙂

  3. Oh boyfrieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnndddddddddd!

    And that’s all that you need to hold onto.

    Everything else has a way of sorting itself out. Long as you have that one thing you know is going to be there no matter what.

    <3 xox

  4. I know this is like months late, but its good to hear you were feeling better. I’ve dealt with the same job uncertainty and boy does it suck!

    Hoping to read good news in the future posts!

What do you think?