Some tidbits from my conversation with Tony late last night, after a couple of drinks, fantastic hors d’oeuvres, dinner made by me, a poker lesson, a relaxing session on my couch including ice cubes and a massage (courtesy of me), and sex.
And no, he didn’t ask about the empty reciprocating saw box in my bedroom.
Tony: [gives me a compliment of some sort that isn’t just “you are so sexy”. Wish I could remember what it was…]
Me: Wow! I’m going to cherish what you just said. Those compliments are few and far between [laughing, on top of him at the time…no, not having sex]
Tony (looking shocked): What do you mean?
Me: You aren’t exactly effusive with your compliments.
Tony: Well, okay… I liked the salad you made tonight.
Me: [laughing] That’s about the salad, not me.
Tony: [laughing] It’s about you because YOU MADE THE SALAD.
[I kinda see his point. Last night he said lots of great things, including: “hey I’m coming upstairs right now because I don’t want to talk to you from the bottom of your stairs and can’t wait to see you” and “you look amazing” and “wow, the fact that you are cooking for me is so great, and it’s sexy!” and “you are too good to me, thank you”, and “this dinner is amazing thank you”. So I need to think about what it is he’s not saying that I want to hear.]
Me: …you’ve been with women after your ex and before me?
Tony: Yes, I was. But none of them were…dateable.
Me: when you think of me, what do think about?
Tony: you mean like word association?
Tony: fun…learning…we like to do things and learn new things together…you’re someone who I can talk to, who understands what I’m going through…I like talking to you [and yes, there were others, but I forget 🙁 ]
Me: do you have any desire to date other women?
Tony: hunh? [I may have woken him up with that one]
Me: do you have any desire to date other women? I mean, I remember what it was like when I first became single…
Tony: No, I don’t. I’m enjoying what we are doing. I mean, there are women who I want to date. They probably don’t even know I’m single yet. Those who I remember saying to myself “I’m gonna ask that makeup girl out when I’m single”. But I know the grass is always greener and people aren’t as they seem…
[At this point, I’m a little uncomfortable, even though he finished that sentence with another phrase of reassurance that he likes what we have going on. But, I needed to followup.]
Me: Well, I want to be a CHOICE, not a DEFAULT.
Tony: Oh, you are definitely a choice. Definitely.
[And then he decided instead of leaving, we would set the alarm for 5:45am so he wouldn’t be late for his sport lesson with his son.]
My working at being okay with where we are continues. I really liked that he opened up to me last weekend on our date. I know he doesn’t do that with most people, so I think it shows he trusts me.
He is also forward looking. He doesn’t shy away from thinking into the future – although his work schedule honestly is a challenge, because it’s not consistent. He refers to Friday’s as “Ann nights”. I am taking him to the symphony on Wednesday. He’s hopefully going to come up to a country place for a few days with me and my son and friends, in a couple of weeks. And best of all? He’s coming to a party I’m having in a few weeks. He will meet my friends. They will meet him.