I don’t like this part of the play. It’s better than being in a miserable marriage that is on Act IV. But still.
There is no playbook. Nobody to tell me if I do X then Y will happen. So often we try to control another person. The only thing I truly control in this life is my own actions. Or reactions.
I’ve been patient. Paced myself – which was the right thing to do, no question in my mind. I have not pushed like I would have before.
I am still unsure whether he is real long term relationship material. Frankly, that’s irrelevant. I don’t need to know that and my cynical and realistic brain knows that there are things you simply cannot know about a person until some time has passed.
As I said before, I want to be a choice.
I have reached that point where I need to stand up for what I want and need. I feel it’s imbalanced now. This hasn’t been festering, but I can see it starting in my brain. I’m getting increasingly emotional. I need a way to get over it, or address this:
We have a few reasons for his ED and he’s not dealing with it. I don’t think he realizes how big a deal is this for me, and what I (willingly) gave up for this.
It’s coming up on three months. All exclusive. And I’m with someone who won’t call me his girlfriend. I can say labels are irrelevant, but it’s not the label. It’s what it represents.
I want to know we are on the same road, even if he’s a little behind me.
I’m pretty sure my addressing it will mean he walks away. Is it better to do this now because nothing with change? Or find a way to be okay with it and give him more time? Do I tackle the ED and not the other piece?
It would be so easy, my dear Shakespeare, if my part in this play of life could be scripted.