I’m not used to this sweet and hopeful phase.

It’s one-sided, I think, but I’m in that place where every romantic or sexy song makes me think of Tony.

I think of him, the things we’ve already done, the fun things I’d like to do with him, and to him. I want more of him. I crave him.

I’ve written before that one of my fantasies is to be on a dance floor with a lover, in a dark, hot, sweaty, and thumping club. I love to dance, and I want my lover holding me, doing that fantastic sexy teasing dance that lovers do. He would put his hand up my skirt, finger me to an orgasm as I clung to him, my face pressed up against his chest. And Tony has a great chest.

I think of this scenario when I hear some songs, and it’s Tony I think of. He’s a perfect height for me at 6’1″. I like the way he moves and although he professes to not be a dancer, I think he’d do this on a dance floor with me.

Since our conversation about sex clubs, when I have space in my head I start to daydream about this as well. I soooo badly need to be fucked until I cannot stand. To have a full body orgasm. To cum so many times my inner thighs shake. To have sex for hours. I haven’t had this in a while and the cravings which are always there just keep building. I am highly vulnerable to succumbing to the basest of desires at this point.

But it’s Tony I want to fulfil those desires. Maybe with some backup.

On another note, I just booked a two week summer – a house rental by the ocean. While I’m looking forward to spending time with friends and my parents (I will invite some people to join my son and me) – I also find myself thinking about Tony and hoping he’s around and will join me.

Sigh. I’m not used to this sappy romantic shit.

I’m not getting carried away, I’m not thinking we are made for each other and are going to end up together forever. This isn’t my first rodeo.

But I like the feeling.

0 thoughts on “I’m not used to this sweet and hopeful phase.

  1. Hey, these are nice emotions to have, whether they are still there, HE is still there in the summer, it’s a good thing you allow yourself to think these thoughts. If you weren’t, you may be jeopardizing your budding relationship by holding back. And who knows, maybe he too has these thoughts and feelings!
    Having had the many hours long sex with full body orgasms, I totally understand what you are craving. I had that not so long ago, along with the sexy dancing, and I still want more of it 🙂
    It must be our lot, us insatiable women!
    I don’t know if Tony will still be around in the summer, but I enjoy reading this, it makes me happy for you!

    • True…not letting myself feel this isn’t good. But my habit it jump right away in the deep end so I’m trying to temper that. It’s helped by the fact that he doesn’t tell me how he feels.

      But anyway….working on being okay with that too 🙂

  2. Full body orgasm, can’t stand, weak knees, sated!!! Yes please sign me up.This feeling , this building up needing to be taken and satisfied in this manner must be the female equivalent of blue balls. Do us girls have a name for that? My apologies, one track mind as of late,

    I agree with Dawn in that I think what you are feeling is normal and even a healthy part of having a relationship with someone. I can’t help but wonder for you though if him not opening up is something you can live with in the long run. Do you think he is always that way or just more conscious at the beginning stages of a relationship? Just curious cause you’ve mentioned it a couple times now.

    • I have crazy blue balls lol… I said to someone today that if I had a left nut, I would give it for the opportunity to be with two men right now. I might need three, actually, just to satisfy me.

      If he never opens up it will for sure be an issue for me. I don’t need someone who shares everything, but it’s certainly what I’m used to.

      It’s been two months. I can see, if things don’t progress in the next month or so, that I might start to need more than he’s willing to offer.

      • hahaha!!! I’d give up both mine if I had them. 😉

        And I hope he is just being cautious for now but as time goes on is able to open up more.

          • Oh how I get that. My hubby and I struggle with emotional intimacy. I need it, he doesn’t know how to give it… so we keep trying new things to help him find it, learn it, give it and in the meantime I wait for it and or accept it in the moments it happens.

  3. I think the dance floor fantasy sounds so hot. I’m a sucker for a good dancer! I finally got fucked well Sunday and I can’t tell you how much that made my sucky Monday workday attitude so much better! Every grouchy patient we had called to yell at me Monday but I handled it with a smile on my face because I had just recently been fucked right. Finally!!

  4. I too like the dance floor fantasy. I’m lucky that I don’t need anyone’s fingers inside of me to experience an orgasm. I can tell you I’ve had a few already… and it IS nice 🙂

  5. Nice fantasy. 😉 I also love to dance, but the guy I’m thinking about the most has musical anhedonia (someone who gets no pleasure from music)…waaaah. Oh well…I still like him plenty.

  6. I’ve been away for so long and THIS is the story I was hoping to come back to. Sigghh….I’m forever a hopeful romantic. I meant to write “hopeless”…but full of hope seems to fit your scenario. xo

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