I'm not exactly sure what to say. Happy 400?

This is my 400th post. Yay me (that’s sarcasm, for the record). My posts average 1,000 words so I can honestly say that there was no way, when I started writing, I thought I had 400,000 words worth of things to say. Some could argue the quality of the content, no doubt.

I’m not comfortable with writing a self-congratulatory post – the cynic in me says all 400 posts means is I spent a lot of time writing and I wasn’t very brief. For the better part of a year I posted every single day.

Of course, there is no question how valuable this blog, and all of my supporters, has been to my ability to sort through what happened to me before I started writing, and all of my progress since then. I read some comments from this blog to my Mom last night – from some recent posts – and she was amazed at the quality of the insight and the great debate we have here.

I’m bothered about writing about my progress. I would be a fool to say I’m not in a different and better place now than I was in 2013. But I’m not yet where I want to be. I might never be, I suppose, because I believe that instead of trying to be better than my contemporaries, I should try to be better than myself. So my journey is never over. Am I like a shark, who constantly has to move? Being stagnant, as I’ve been in the past, saddens me.

So when it comes to men, there is way less crap that I would put up with today than I would have a year ago. My needs are different, so what I will do to get my needs fulfilled is different.

But I guarantee you, if Tony broke up with me tomorrow, I would be responding back to Jason’s texts and arranging sex with him as soon as I could. So I’m not that advanced a human being; I still have needs. Yesterday he invited me to go to Japan with him for a week – he’s travelling there for work. I had to say no, obviously.

A few of you have commented on how different I seem today – as have some real life friends. I feel more at peace with many things right now. And I have to focus on right now, because the winds of change are blowing. While I’m doing a good job being patient with the pace Tony and I have, I am wrestling with the lack of verbalization of any of his feelings toward me. It’s a “love languages” challenge and I’m sure to be writing about it soon.

Will, my ex, is contemplating coming back early (good) but perhaps with a significant career change – one that would see him making 25% of what he makes today. Better for the soul, but would likely mean changes for his home (where we lived together for 8 years) and at an extreme, perhaps financial changes for me if he chooses to ask for support.

And last but not least, my company is going through restructuring and it could mean changes for me – hopefully for the better, but one never knows.

I’m a big fan of change – it’s how I’m wired – but I kind of like the place I’m in right now.

I guess at the very least, it means I will probably have another 400 posts in me.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for staying along for the ride.

Ann xo

0 thoughts on “I'm not exactly sure what to say. Happy 400?

  1. Life gives us all challenges and I can say Thank You for sharing your journey with us. Yes, there has been a change in the time I have been reading your words and yet I enjoy the chance to get that glimpse. Of course, being a word bender, not a story writer, puts me out of my element, but you still make me smile. I hope to still be reading your journey as you pass the 1,000th post.

  2. Happy 400! Here’s to 400 more. I can’t wait to see what else you have in store and I know you’ll handle whatever changes come your way with grace and humor!

  3. Congratulations on 400 posts!

    Although our lives seem very different, your words have meant a lot to me as I have gone through much you have written about. Sometimes it helps to see the perspective of someone who’s been there.

    Exxited to see where your journey takes you. Bribg on the next 400!

  4. Happy 400th! I’m not that great with change and yet I too dislike being stagnant. Perhaps it is only the change that I evoke that I can enjoy. Otherwise it just puts me on edge. Best to you as you move forward! 😉

  5. Ann,

    This is the best self-(non)congratulatory post…ever!

    Your blog has had influence in my own relationship and how I see myself, my friendships and marriage.

    I also (now) have a healthy fear of dating should something terrible happen that would send me into this arena – I wouldn’t bother – I am have no desire to go through a fraction of what you have endured. That cabin in the mountains seems much more appealing! Besides, no one would actively pursue this aging, less-than-average looking man.

    Apparently, I AM comfortable with self-congratulatory posts. While it is hardly achievement-based, it is something to take note of in all the content that you have written and you have, at the very least, impacted this one person positively. I am also happy that I gained a friend because you wrote the previous 399!

    Happy 400th, Ann!

    • It’s taken me a day to respond because frankly I was a bit overwhelmed at how lovely a comment this was.

      To have influenced someone else, presumably for the better, is probably some of the best feedback I could ever receive. It’s definitely not something I thought would happen when I started this blog. And I’m honored you see me this way. Thank you, my friend.

  6. Congratulations Ann! I am nowhere as prolific as you but I’m fine with it.
    I enjoy reading about your journey. It gives me insight into what I should do myself and it is invaluable.
    I hope all things in your life change for the better and settle down into a satisfying grove for you.

    • Thank you Dawn!!

      I don’t think being profilic in and of itself is much of an achievement…but looking back, I’ve had a lot to process.

      It pleases me to no end that I’m providing you with invaluable insight. As I said to Will Carrier, a positive impact on others is something I never thought would happen with this blog. I’m glad that someone other than me is benefitting from my journey.

      Thank you for your stalwart support – it means a lot to me.

      xo

    • Surely you are kidding about “more interesting”… you play with rope 😉

      But thank you – I’m so pleased you continue to support me on my journey. And others who matter to me as well. You are truly a good egg, Sharn. xoxo

  7. Hello Ann

    Although I’ve been following you for some time now, it’s my 1st time to comment.

    I reckon you deserve a pat-on-the-back for your 400th post!!

    I for one certainly look forward to reading more 🙂

    Kim.

  8. You 400 posts have had a major impact on me, I know that for sure. I have found a mentor and friend all in one, from an absolute stranger in another locale! I can’t go for long without reading your posts and find your practicality and honesty refreshing.

    • My dearest Madeline…thank you so much for this comment. I started this blog just for me and it’s always a surprise and delight to hear that I’m helping others as well. And yes, making new friends is quite lovely.

      It’s a real pleasure to be a part of your journey and I’m honored you let me riddle you with advice 😉

  9. Well, it is nice to know I there is still plenty for when I get to do my “Ann marathons”! Do I congratulate you? I am not sure, I suppose that would be in order. I thank you. That is for sure. You have shared, and provoked thoughts and discussions in an intelligent and non threatening manner. You are intriguing, and smart, and I am drawn to you. It seems I do much more reading than talking here. I told you this before, you could really be this, or this could be fiction. Either way, here I am.

    • Your thank you means more than a congratulations on spewing out 400 posts, so thank you 😀

      I’m touched by your words and it’s perfectly fine to do more reading than talking – I’m so pleased I’ve provoked you (in a good way, hopefully!) and that you are along for my journey.

      As I’ve said before, I’m truly flattered you think I could make all this stuff up!

  10. Just found your blog and wanted to say, after reading 2 posts, I like you. I’m sure that isn’t a life changing thing for you to read, but I’m pretty picky about blogs I read, so I guess I’m giving you a really big compliment.

What do you think?