According to my son, Tony is my boyfriend

At about the same time Will Carrier was commenting on my post that Tony was most certainly my boyfriend, I received an email from my mother with the transcript of the exchange she and my son had this weekend:

My Mom:  Mommy told me that you met her friend Tony.

My son:  He is one of Mommy’s boyfriends.

My Mom:  Mommy told me he is a very very special boyfriend.

My Mom followed this with advice that perhaps I should share with my son at an opportune time that when one has a “special boyfriend” you sleep with only that person – you don’t sleep with all boyfriends.  She reminded me kids learn what they see much more than what they are told.

I got this email in a meeting. It made me giggle because my first thought was “Tony is my boyfriend?!” Followed quickly by thought of having multiple boyfriends, then the philosophy of polyamory.

Tonight I tried to float the idea with my son that Tony was my only “special friend”. He was having none of it, insisting that my boyfriend was Daddy. I countered that Daddy was Colleen’s boyfriend. Nope, not according to my kid. I decided the lesson could wait for another night.

0 thoughts on “According to my son, Tony is my boyfriend

  1. Hilarious that I am in sync with your mom…at least on some level. Maybe that’s more on the strange-end of the spectrum?

    “One of…” is invariably the situation that you have been taking great precautions to avoid. In the end, it probably won’t matter to your son, but I do understand why you have been diligently insulating him.

    Yep…boyfriend. 😉

    • He thought that my former roommate was also a “special” friend… so I had to explain that nope, he’s a very good friend but just a friend, not a BOYFRIEND. I had been avoiding that term but perhaps since my son seems to know what it means, I should admit defeat and use it with him 🙂

      And being in sync with my Mom is a pretty amazing thing. She’s incredible.

      • The terminology can be quite confusing for the parent. The kid know what he means. Yes, you have been bested by a kid (which is a good thing, btw)!

        Your mom is incredible and the strangeness is more for her to be in sync with the likes of me. 😉

  2. “boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend”. *in a sing songy voice while kicking a garbage can with alternating feet–ala Gilda Radner on Saturday Night Live*

    • Why hello there…nice to see you around these parts 🙂

      My Mom certainly had her own promiscuous past (albeit probably not as much as me), so I don’t think she was sending a message that I shouldn’t have multiple partners.

      Of course she would be very happy for me if I found one person to be with, who I am happy with and is good to me.

      Since I’ve been single, the only thing she really challenged me on was she doubted I could be having casual and emotion free sex with people at the same time that I was seeking out a relationship. We debated whether one could exist in both headspaces and behaviors at the same time.

      But to be honest, your question did cross my mind when I read her email 🙂

  3. Well, she may not have been telling you you shouldn’t have multiple partners. But was she telling you you should tell your son that one SHOULDN’T/doesn’t have multiple partners? I’m sensitive to this question, as my son’s been asking a lot of questions lately….

    • Good point and yes, I guess she was.

      Although to be honest, he’s only 6 years old, so I’m not really sure what other message would be appropriate to give him? We have definitely taught him that women love men, men love men, etc., so there isn’t a gender bias. But definitely a bias to monogamy, admittedly.

      Hmm. We should discuss further.

      • 😉

        Yes we should.

        Meanwhile…. I’ve always been really careful – perhaps to a fault – not to privilege consciously ANY particular presumptions about anything. Our son certainly knows marriage of two people is the configuration that predominates among parents of kids he knows. He also knows that people cheat, and lie. And that it happens often enough that, even though it’s “news,” it’s not news. He’s a bit older than yours (there are two digits in his age), and quite sophisticated – and perceptive – at that. He knows, for example, in a way that’s never been articulated explicitly, that my friend L is, somehow, a bit different somehow than our other friends.

        It’s inevitable, in the world of Disney (and this world is theirs much more than it is mine), that cultural tropes and lies are perpetuated. I believe they’re generally damaging.

        This isn’t because I’m monogamish, but because I think we tend to think magically a lot, and magical thinking is, generally, lazy thinking, and there’s greater richness of experience available when we think realistically – or, when we identify our magical thinking as magical as we do it.

        But yes – let’s discuss more.

What do you think?