Wall construction is temporarily halted due to worker confusion.

Tony now has a section on my Lovers page, if you need to read the back story.


Saturday night I sent a text saying goodnight, after some back and forth texting throughout the day. I heard nothing all day Sunday from Tony. Or Monday morning. It was hard to not leap for my phone every time I heard a ping.

The girlfriend I was visiting helped talk me through my anxiety and feeling like I was about to get bailed on. Again. Even though my gut told me he was different. We talked through different scenarios, and settled on the same one as some of you lovely readers.

It was likely he just needed a bit of space – consciously or unconsciously. I split a year before he did – his is still relatively fresh. He’s in a different place. He had just recently put himself up on the online dating site. I know I was his first, first date. It’s also possible I was the first woman he’d slept with since his split.

In addition, those 3 dates in 5 days were very intense. I think anyone might need a breather. It was a busy time and I knew his ex-wife and child were coming back home on the Monday.

So all in all, I had tried to tell myself that it probably had nothing to do with not being into me. It was very difficult to do so. But I know how important it is to not ascribe motivation to someone else’s actions. I’ve been on the receiving end of that in a few significant relationships of late, and it sucks. It’s bad when someone says you are doing X because of Y and you think – what the fuck are they talking about? Sure, I did X, but not for the reasons they think.

So, I put that belief into practice. There were lots of reasons I could think of he may not be in frequent communication, but at the end of the day, unless he tells me, I have NO IDEA.

Finally, at 2:56pm on Monday:

Hope you’re having a good day 🙂 I don’t think I can meet up tomorrow – but I look forward to seeing you next year 🙂

On the one hand, I was pleased to have heard from him. Obviously. On the other hand, I was disappointed I wasn’t going to see him on Tuesday and that his bailing came with no explanation.

On our last date, I had told him my Mom was going to have my son overnight on Tuesday. He said a friend was coming from out-of-town but not sure when – but either daytime or nighttime would probably work. Now as it turned out, my Mom cancelled because she was still sick. But regardless, I held out hope that perhaps we could meet for a couple of hours.

Nope.

So I responded back with:

I’m leaving from the country shortly. I completely understand – would have been great to see you tomorrow sometime but get it if you can’t make it work. I’m back from NYC Friday mid-day, so perhaps Friday and/or Saturday night would work to go out?

and he closed with:

Sounds amazing – Saturday would probably give you some recovery time 🙂 I will text you this week with a plan.

I sent him one more text letting him know that on Sunday I had an early morning brunch with my ex (since I was pretty sure an overnight was in order). I heard nothing back.

That was Monday afternoon. My friend suggested that I would know he liked me if I heard from him around New Years….even if there was nothing before then.

There was nothing before then. Not Monday night, not any time on Tuesday. Not even early Wednesday (New Year’s Eve) morning. I was starting to get pretty morose about the whole thing. While I recognize people have different communication styles and all that, it seems to me if you dig someone, you communicate with them.

So it’s hard for me to understand how someone can like me, but then not send even the perfunctory “good morning” text. Then again, he is new to online dating, so perhaps he doesn’t realize how to keep women trailing along.

It was a test of my patience and of my ability to let things just be. I knew that texting him was going to do me no good. If he wanted to talk to me, he would reach out.

All became well with the world again whilst I was sitting in the airport frequent flier lounge with my friend, eating breakfast before we had to go down to the gate to fly to New York. 8:57am:

Have fun in NYC 🙂 Have a happy new year. I look forward to hearing some good stories when you get back 🙂

I said: Thanks! We are just hanging in the lounge 🙂 I look forward to sharing stories too. What are you up to tonight?

Him: Dinner with some friends and off to a house party. Nice and low key.

Okay, the dude has friends. This is a good thing. He’s got a life. I’m not the center of it. That all makes sense, naturally. I wished him a fun night and off we went.

After the midnight countdown with nobody rushing to make out with me on the dance floor, I decided to throw caution to the wind and send him a text. It simply said “Happy new year Tony…Wish I was there to kiss you xo”

Ironically when he replied back at 1:30am – with “Thanks…we can make up for it on the weekend ;)” – we had one of the longest text conversations we’d yet had. His party was going on and there was live music which reminded him of our date. On my way home in a taxi at 2am we joked that his quiet house party was going longer than my party in NYC.

As I got undressed I sent him a picture with my hand in my underwear (not dissimilar to the Sunday selfie I posted) and said “as I’m getting undressed, yes, slightly intoxicated, perhaps this will make you smile”.

His response was perfect: Yes it made me more than smile 🙂

The next day I used the excuse that my Sunday brunch was cancelled to send him a good morning and to let him know that my Sunday morning was now clear. He confirmed our date was Saturday night and he promised “an evening of activities”.

My post-apocalyptic illness kept me from a whole lot on Friday when I got home. I basically crawled into bed and slept. On Saturday I was still a bit tired but felt good enough for our date. I had, on a friend’s advice, told Tony I had been sick, it had been 48 hours, but I understood if he didn’t want to see me for fear of getting sick.

He made the right choice – and I was to meet him at 8pm. Date #4 was on.

0 thoughts on “Wall construction is temporarily halted due to worker confusion.

  1. I’m loving this new relationship, it’s exciting! I agree with “divorced” – try really hard not to overanalyze (and i know from experience this is easier said than done). Keep foraging ahead and enjoy the ride. Crossing my fingers for you. 🙂

  2. Oh goodie!!! I’m so glad you heard from him again and all is well… (for the moment). Hope DOES work! Who knew?? LOL!! Happy New Year Ann! Just in case I haven’t said it before! 🙂

  3. Nice Ann. Nice control. Good on you for not texting too soon, or ripping hands full of hair out of your head. Good luck with the over analyzing bit, I have a feeling we are cut from similar cloth.

    • THANK YOU. It was not easy. It’s still not easy. I am working on accepting the slowness as a gift. I got a good nights sleep last night. I’m going to leverage the time to focus on my son and some other things, like I’ve been trying to do for a while.

  4. Ann, I haven’t been keen on commenting on Tony only because of my own (unrelated) issues. I think that he is sorting things out in his heart while learning how to date. What strikes me with him is that while he may be slow or infrequent in his texts to you as other men have been, he also doesn’t come into this potential relationship with dating baggage. He appears to be a vey loving guy who is enjoying you at the same time that he is figuring out how to put his prior relationship into the past.

    Enjoy the pace, sweetie. You deserve a little relaxing and a break from the crazy schedule that you’ve been keeping. Let him come to you. 🙂

    • Thank you so much, Savannah, I appreciate your perspective. I’m not sure what to make of where his head is at – it’s not something we have talked about much. We have joked about some of the craziness of splitting up, but he’s still very much going through that process.

      I am working on enjoying the pace. It’s not normally what I like, but I know at least for a few things, it’s good for me.

      • I have utterly no dating experience but there are a few people close to me who I have lived somewhat vicariously through in their dating experiences. So take that with a grain of salt.

        It is good to hear that you are open to adapting to this pace. I am very much like you in that I need a lot of communication from friends, family and of course, Will (he is getting better…slowly). I am very fast to respond to texts, emails and voice messages which is seldom reciprocated in the same manner.

        I know that I expect people to respond quickly and I should be more considerate of their time and schedules. I am learning!

    • Thank you JB. I can’t wait for more either… it’s slow to come. But I should probably get healthy first. Was totally sexy on the last date with the sniffling and coughing 🙂

  5. Love the title!

    So glad you halted the wall construction and I’m glad date 4 was a go!

    Perfect.

    Ps. I realise how hard it is not texting someone. I fail at it miserably and spam inane things at Cern 24/7 now. Can’t be helped. So just wanted to say well done! Hugs!

    • Well I suppose from your comment I can figure out a little bit about that cliffhanger resolution post I’m waiting for from you 🙂

      I’m glad you liked the title. It came to me in a flash of inspiration lol. So few people ever mention my titles or what I happen to think are very witty images…so I appreciate it!!

      It’s super hard to accept a slow pace of communication. I’m also a planner and it kinda makes me mental to have someone who is all like “we’ll just figure it out”. BUT I do know that I have lots of things I need to do other than date. Like take advantage of being with my son. Focus on work. End this damn illness. So it’s the right pace for me, even if I’m uncomfortable.

      • Haha, drat! I gave it away. But I figure you may have guessed that!

        I love a good title! So happy to say when I come across one that makes me squee 😀

        Yes, you do have a whole heap on your plate. Which means at least you can try to let it do whatever it’s doing and have other things to focus on to take your mind off the messaging 🙂

  6. It’s funny what triggers that level of anxiety in any of us. Especially those of us that by all outwards appearances, successes etc. have our shit together. When in reality, we all have our moments, some more than most. Wall construction can be so quick or brick by brick…as Sharn stated above, glad that it’s stopped for now. I am most like you and M when it comes to the need for communication, if even a note that says “busy today with clients but hope to text/chat tomorrow” or something of the like. Anyway, glad to hear you are feeling better!!

  7. You get so hung-up on the frequency and time lag between text messages. Stop trying to interpret his intentions based on when a message is answered. Jesus Criminy, give yourself some room to breath. I totally understand your enthusiasm and want for it to work out, but jumping to a phone ping like a Pavlovian experiment isn’t healthy. I’m the same way. I obsessively check my blog for comments. It’s pathetic. Technology was suppose to set us free but now look at us. We’re a mess!

    • I am working on not assuming what it means – and each time I see him I am more confident he actually likes me and spending time with me.

      And yes…its worse! I was trying to remember what it was like before all of this. When you called someone and knew they may not get the message for an entire day. What a concept!!

    • I completely agree with Exile in regard to the technology commentary. That said, while I don’t think someone has to text a reply right away, a response within a few hours seems reasonable and how I would personally respond to someone. As you replied earlier Ann, because I too like to send a quick note, if even to say “hey” or “i’m thinking of you” it’s nice when someone is on the same level in terms of communication.

  8. Oh yay!
    I held my breath the whole time I was reading this and hoped and hoped.
    You are far more cool and collected than i ever would have been.
    I can’t wait to hear what happens next.
    Stay the course, my friend! Xo

    • I don’t feel cool and collected but I’m working on it!! Today has been a worse day, I find myself worrying about a new set of things. TRYING to not let it get to me and thankfully I had a non-stop work day.

      I so appreciate your support my dear!!

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