We didn’t want the first date to end, so we decided to continue it on Tuesday evening. No time like the present, since we were both child-free. At first we wanted to go out again for dinner, then we realized we were damn tired.
Tony came over to my place – promising to clean up his place to make it presentable for the next time. When I opened my front door to greet him he seemed genuinely happy to see me again. The greeting kiss was just as good as those from earlier that day.
We had a meal of wine with cheese and smoked meat and crackers – a shared joy. We listened to music and sat on my couch. He talked a lot and we took turns telling stories, but I noticed he didn’t ask me a whole lot about myself. I commented on it later and he said he knew he was like that, but found he learned just as much from people through what they tell him. And he remembers everything.
I explained that I associate people asking me questions with their interest in me. It’s hard for me to accept that someone won’t ask me things. But I’m also the opposite – I ask a lot of questions. So perhaps it’s just different and I shouldn’t read too much into it.
I told him that the night before was my best first date ever. We joked about how since it was his first first date, perhaps he didn’t know how good it was – but then he said he had no desire to have another first date. I can’t think of the last time someone said something that romantic to me. But it simultaneously freaked me out a little bit – because I can’t help but think that it will be too fast for him.
Between chats we would kiss. We touched constantly. It was still electric and the passion was simmering on the surface. Eventually we progressed from kissing between conversations to having conversations between kisses. We spent a lot of time just touching. I could see how much he liked my touch. I sensed he hadn’t been touched like that in a long time, and had missed it – and it made me wonder if I was the first woman he’d been with since his split.
From under his jeans I could feel his erection ebb and flow. I had noticed it the night before as well, but didn’t think much of it at the time. Now I started to get a bit worried. Perhaps it was just nerves.
He was on top of me on my couch and between all the tender touch and kisses there would be moments of aggression and extreme passion. We finally went upstairs to my bedroom. I was still on my period but it was a bit lighter, thankfully. He still didn’t care and even went down on me. His hit-and-miss erection was now something I noticed. It had me worried, but at some points I was too turned on to care. Finally, he was over top me and I couldn’t stand it anymore and simply whispered “Tony, please” in his ear.
He entered me and then there were what I euphemistically call “hydraulics” issues. It was hard for me to even know what was happening… but the bottom line was there was no hard cock to be had for more than a minute. It went unmentioned and we did other things, but later he did say he was very tired.
I really liked this guy, and he seemed to like me too.
As we were falling asleep we chatted some more. We hadn’t used a condom so I thought I should probably tell him that I was a) recently tested for all nasty bugs and was squeaky clean, and b) that I couldn’t get pregnant anymore. I told him about getting my fallopian tubes removed and why. He told me he was clean, that he hated condoms (ruined sensation and erections), and that he and his ex wife’s sex life suffered when she went off birth control because she suffered from migraines.
So then I lay there realizing that if he was sleeping with other people without condoms, then I certainly didn’t want to not use condoms with him. I am trying to be more careful in this regard. The thoughts were swirling around because I also didn’t know how to tell him that. So finally I just said it as I thought it – that I had no idea how to bring it up or how to ask, but that if he was sleeping with other people without condoms then I wasn’t comfortable doing the same. But I also said I wasn’t trying to have an exclusivity conversation.
He said that there was “pretty much” nobody else and it wasn’t like his POF inbox was brimming. I waited for him to ask me whether I was with others. When he didn’t, I asked him why he didn’t. He said he assumed since I asked him, then I had the same issue. I told him that I would be happy to say goodbye to the men who occasionally made an appearance in my life.
I don’t remember exactly what he said, but it was nice. So it looked like we had a preliminary version of the exclusivity conversation anyway.
The next morning we woke up and he quickly pulled me into him and started kissing me. He told me he was glad I told him about not being able to get pregnant since that was a worry of his. I started to form an opinion of the potential source of the hydraulics issues – perhaps a combination of performance anxiety if I’m his first post-split, and concerns about pregnancy?
The problems didn’t entirely go away that morning, but we did manage to have pretty good penetrative sex regardless. While that specific aspect wasn’t mind-blowing, with all of the other physical and mental chemistry we have, I have to believe it can get better. I like how he moves, how he touches me, and how he looks at me. He’s handsome, tall, has a nice body, and he left me with several bruises on my shoulders and arms from some particularly passionate moments.
He had an appointment with his personal trainer so had to leave fairly early. We made plans to go out on another date on Friday night. Three dates in one week – I could barely believe it.
I was able to get back to sleep and when I woke up we had some fun texting banter. It was the morning of Christmas eve. He told me he was going to sleep for the next two days since I’d left him “pretty spent”.
He was in pretty consistent communication over the next two days – he’s not a constant texter but I’m okay with that – I just need some regular check ins and to know that I’m on someone’s mind.
Given how great our first two dates were, I was very excited for the third. I couldn’t quite shake the knowledge that I was his first date since his split, and therefore the worry that it would become an issue…but I also knew I shouldn’t get too far ahead of myself. Not my strong suit, but I knew time would tell.