I'm cursing my libido right now.

While things are good with Tony (who right now is on a solo trip for a few nights) I haven’t seen him since Sunday night.

This may not be a problem emotionally (although y’all know I want more time with him), but it’s a problem physically.

Pretty sure I’ve mentioned my libido is damn high. I’ve been accused of being a nymphomaniac and insatiable. The latter I believe, the former I’m not sure I know enough of the technical definition and right now don’t feel like looking it up.

All that to say, I want to get laid pretty much all the time.

So, I have this great guy who can see me once a week and maybe twice. This is not enough.

I worked from home two days this week and both days had several sessions with my Hitachi and a dildo. The release is nice but it doesn’t ultimately satiate me. Perhaps it makes the desire worse. Certainly when I wasn’t having sex in my marriage, I wasn’t physically craving sex.

I have two options: have sex with someone else, or don’t. Tony and I haven’t had an exclusivity conversation, although I suppose at some point I would like to. But I suspect he wouldn’t expect me to date or have sex with anyone else. If there is any hope for a real relationship, I sure as hell don’t want to start it with deception.

On the other hand, there are two willing partners who could satiate me without any associated drama. One is someone I haven’t written about – our first (and only) date was a pressure points seminar at a local BDSM “dungeon”. He was a gentleman and we didn’t even kiss. But he’s naughty as hell and even runs a “playroom” in the city.

The other is Jason. As it turns out, Jason has gotten back together with his ex. I reached out to see how he was doing, and I told him about Tony but also that I wasn’t seeing him enough. Jason told me that he was exclusive with the mother of his child “but with you not sure I could be if you were a damsel in distress”.

I told Jason I wasn’t ready to push his emergency button just yet.

0 thoughts on “I'm cursing my libido right now.

  1. Ann, I wouldn’t call it insatiable or nympho mania. You have a very high drive, and I completely identify with that! If it’s more than a couple of days between, I am through the roof with my libido!

    I would only suggest to you bet you exercise caution in dealing with the situation. though Tony hasn’t said anything and the two of you haven’t discussed a situation like this, I would imagine that there is a measure expectation that lurks beneath his exterior. I may be entirely wrong but with this relationship developing in the pace that it has been, it’s just something that you should consider

    • I think the simple fact that I have not engaged another lover in almost a month (!) should speak to the fact that I am exercise caution and taking this seriously.

      I have no idea what his expectations are, but I agree that he would probably be surprised if I slept with someone else. But then again, I have avoided any exclusivity conversation because a) I don’t want to push him, and b) he may say yes to it now but then want to explore others later, and c) I won’t like it if he says no to it.

      And with regard to Insatiable. Part of the definition is “always wanting more”. This is absolutely true with me. “Never being satisfied” is the other part…and that is sometimes true. So, I think it’s actually rather accurate.

      The definition of Nymphomaniac is “excessive sexual desire by a female”, so while I don’t think my desire is excessive, per se…for many men I’ve met, it is.

      • You are definitely approaching a decision point. You can delay it further, meet it head on and discuss your wants and needs with him, or parallel duality (which I wouldn’t recommend.

        You and I are absolutely in sync on the base need and appetites. There are times when I am not satisfied (though my body might be exhausted from sex) – left hungering (not a commentary on quantity or quality). I get this. It just didn’t occur to me as insatiability as it is only an occasional recurrence,

        The problem with that definition of Nymphomania is that word – *excessive* – which is highly subjective.

        • A decision point indeed. Reality is that I’m craving something physically but not missing out mentally. This is pretty big. I just responded to Yessica about where I am at and I think I need to write a post about it.

          It’s not an occasional occurence for me. I can only think of one or two times sexually that I actually didn’t want more. Generally complete fatigue takes over after several hours, but that’s not a lack of desire, it’s a complete inability to continue. During the day, I can go forever.

          Hence why I use the term insatiable. I don’t use it lightly.

          • There is something to be said for an active mind. That you can go throughout the day without being impacted speaks volumes about how your mind and body work. If you can find a way to bring some of that into your after (daytime) hours life, you might be able to adapt yourself to the situation and find a good balance.

            I compartmentalize a lot of what goes on in my active mind. I have sex on my mind throughout the day, but I can set it to one side as I deal with work. I also deal with thoughts that rise up from my past that are very disabling if I allow myself to dwell on them – I am able to put them aside as well. It took time to develop this and it wasn’t anything that I was taught…I just found myself operating in this manner.

            When I am able to get Savannah’s time and attention, I let go of my brain and dive in head first (unless a poorly-timed song disrupts me).

          • I am not incapacitated at all by thoughts of sex during the day – when I’m busy, that is. As you know my job requires my focus most of the time. I don’t think about it, I just physically desire it. If that makes sense…

            Huge difference is you have a stable and willing partner. So if I’m thinking about it, it’s HOW to get it.

          • One more thing, I would NEVER assume that you use any phrase, term or work without a careful consideration. I have come to understand that you take language very seriously and have a solid grasp on meaning and inferences. 😀

  2. I used to put much thought into exclusivity when I suddenly realised that if it feels right that’s it. When you invest in one person only it’s easier to understand where this all is going. If it doesn’t work out it doesn’t. But I can only talk about all the benefits from me having decided to focus on one person only at some point. Plus wouldn’t it be more difficult to adapt to this situation should you get used to a specific lifestyle and then when you two officially agree on exclusivity you have to suddenly drop it? I’d see this period as a period of adaptation. For yourself (regardless of what he is doing). Best of luck no matter what

    • It’s a great point, Yessica. I am reaping many benefits from just focussing on him and giving myself some time and space.

      I feel like I’m in a place where I no longer need to have such hyper-attention from many men. After my split, I absolutely needed to get my mojo back, for lack of a better word. And feel desired, sexy, etc.

      I don’t need that as much any more – I’m more comfortable with the place I’m in. AND Tony not being a “player” also helps…I am more confident in how he feels, even when I don’t hear from him steadily. So I don’t feel like I have to have a pipeline for the inevitable moment that he stops being in contact.

      My only hesitation generally is whether I can be truly physically satisifed with one man. Only time will tell on this one…but as someone who has desires for multiple men at the same time, I don’t know if I am giving that up entirely, and if I’m okay with that.

      Food for thought. Thank you!!

  3. Pretty sure I mentioned my libido is damn low. And while most of the world sees it as the horrific tragedy it is, there’s a silver lining. I can’t tell you how incredibly liberating it is to no longer be driven mad with desire. I’ve seen men (and women, but usually men) throw it all away just because they had to get laid. There’s an executive at my company fucking a hot junior executive. They don’t think anybody knows. It’s pathetic. And why? Libido.

  4. NO! Don’t sleep with anyone else. …it will diminish what you feel for Jason. No doubt. Just keep putting that Dildo to work in creative ways. Like you said -just focusing on one man lately has been very liberating and has been beneficial in other areas. While I 100% COMPLETELY understand being so horny you’re pretty sure you’re going to start humping corners of desks…having only one dick to utilize makes it all that more important. 😀

  5. I don’t think I would consider doing anything with anyone. The way Tony is thinking, considering he just left a long term relationship in which he seems to have been faithful, he probably isn’t even thinking there needs to be an exclusivity discussion. However you can mention to him that only once a week is hard on you and leaving you wanting more. And discuss with him what possible solutions he can think of. Hopefully he comes up with an idea about how to keep you satisfied that agrees with both of you 🙂

  6. I feel like the second option could come with a whole lot of drama. I tend to have needs, but ignore them even when they’re fierce. Can’t always be arsed to phone someone because I want a connection and that takes a lot of work.

    • I agree with you – the second option won’t come with drama from Jason (he’s a very safe bet) but from me, potentially, and how I will feel about being with someone other than Tony at this point.

  7. The one thing you DON’T want is for this relationship to only be about sex, if you really like him, and telling him your hormones are raging might turn the tables into a booty call type of situation. On the other hand you don’t want your libido clouding what’s really going on either, thinking that things are going a certain way that they really aren’t and you only thought so because he rocks your world everyntime you see him. LOL. I have to read more of the current going backwards… I might be waaaay off base here. Don’t rush things. Let it all unfold on its own. and invest in a jopen Intensity and use it at the same time with your Hitachi. You will be good with once or twice a week then. and I am dead ass serious about that!

    • I will look into that product you recommended – thank you!!

      Agree I definitely do not want it to be just about sex. It isn’t for either of us but even still I was moderately worried that timing and circumstances meant that our last few dates were just dinner / snacks at one of our houses.

      But ultimately it’s just circumstances and I know it’s more than that. Especially since, as you will read, the sex part is actually not meeting my needs. But I have hope.

  8. As an extremely s quite exual person I have often wondered if my sexual drive was worth striking out on my own for. Is the freedom to have sex whenever and with who ever the opportunity arises worth giving up an otherwise good relationship…thus far the answer to that question has been “no” for me. Sex is a major part of my hobby/fun/existence/interest, but then I think that part of the issue really is more mental than physical. Like you I have used sex to quench feelings of wanting to be sexy and desirable. Because I have insecurity about that, no amount of partners will ever quite satisfy.
    That said, you have questions about how satisfying Tony is. It’s something you’re going to have to tackle going forward if you are going to have any kind of LTR with him and be happy.

What do you think?