An awkward sex moment I can't get out of my head.

Image Note…I did a google search for “awkward sex” and stumbled upon this truly horrifying tattoo. It made me think that awkward is all relative and therefore made me feel a bit better.

I do have some story threads I haven’t followed up on yet (namely the Italian, and some other December activity that was interesting) but I just haven’t been feeling it this week.

I have been feeling the pain of a fellow blogger and the bad treatment she’s been receiving, and it got me thinking about men who will pursue you like crazy and promise to meet, but then disappear when it comes time to make plans. There are also the men who disappear after a first date where you have sex with them.

I wish I could say I knew about men who I had first dates where I didn’t have sex with them, but there aren’t many. Granted, I’m almost certain I got second dates when I wanted them. I am not willing to say it’s a guarantee, but I’m definitely pondering.

She and I have been talking about it and agree it’s a total mystery why it happens. I’m going to ask my Mom the next time I see her, to get her thoughts on the matter. If she’s got anything interesting to say, I will be writing about it. Of course I welcome your opinions on why it happens.

BUT that is not what this post is about.

Do you have some things that have happened which come back like a skipping record in your head? Words that were said, something you did or didn’t do, and it haunts you occasionally?

I’m not sure why, but there is something that happened with Andrew that didn’t seem noteworthy to include in a post. But it keeps cropping up. I’m hoping by putting it here the exorcism will be complete.

We were having sex in my bedroom – it was probably one of the last few times we were together. I love to listen to music during sex. I even wrote a post that listed all the songs on my sex playlist. I think I like music because I enjoy moving to the music – give me some great blues or reggae and my brain and body will respond in kind. (Which reminds me of something I forgot to mention about Tony and the date at his place – he had a terrific sex playlist and put music on without my asking. Nice.)

Sometimes I end up with an errant song in a playlist – one I thought would fit but ultimately doesn’t. If I think about it, I delete it from my phone and update the playlist in iTunes. But sometimes, I forget.

That particular night, the song It Will Rain by Bruno Mars came up in rotation – mid sex. I do happen to love the song, and I used to listen to it when I was morose about Faraway Lover (another loose story thread). But it’s a little slow and too romantic in comparison to the other songs on the list. I didn’t think much of it, but Andrew got all weirded out.

I distinctly got the impression he thought I was trying to say something to him with that song. Sheesh.

Sure, it’s romantic, but honestly I think I could fuck anyone to that song. Reality is that orgasmic sex produces oxytocin no matter what, so a woman is going to be all gooey with a sexual partner even when they are just a fuck buddy. Don’t believe me? It’s been proven – you can get the Psychology Today version or from the Daily Mail.

Excerpt from Psychology Today: Here is what happens with women. After making love a woman might mistake the oxytocin release for feelings that tell her, β€œThis is your perfect partner.” As Breuning notes, β€œDespite those initial feelings, it does not necessarily mean that the person is trustworthy. The perception you have at the moment is an illusion you create about the person that may or may not fit what happens next.”

All that to say, I think he overreacted. He made a comment about not being able to “do this” to the song and said he needed a break. I skipped to the next song right away, then felt bad, then weird, but didn’t want to tell him that the song wasn’t a reflection of how I felt about him.

It was supremely awkward.


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0 thoughts on “An awkward sex moment I can't get out of my head.

  1. Not sure what he felt with the song, but I can definitely say that some songs would kill the mood for me… but I believe it would be because it was a special song that brought memories, good or bad, of someone else.. I tend to keep it low as I am one that tend to overthink as it is…. πŸ™‚

  2. All songs have at least one person who hate it, because of the memories it brings back mostly.
    I am like you, I have bits of events, conversations and things like that that keep cropping up. Usually, it’s when I doubt or dislike my actions or reaction around that time. Maybe it’s a symptom of people who have denied who they were for so long, and try to find ways either to fit the other person, to reverse what happened then, or with the abuser, where they rehearse in their head the ‘perfect’ come back they should have had, that would have enabled them to stay standing proud? At least that’s how it feels to me.
    The song is about the possible end of a love story. He never admitted to loving you nor you him, so… I don’t see any logical reason for his reaction either.
    As far as music is concerned… you made me think. I love music, I sing, dance, music moves me deep in my soul. Yet I never listen to music. And your post brought me to wonder why… because I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to listen to/sing/play the pieces I wanted? Or was asked to shut up (possibly in nicer terms)? I was made to doubt myself so much that I even doubted my taste in music… sigh…
    Yes, one more thing I need to change. Yet somehow I can’t.
    Double sigh!

    • Listen to music my friend! Although my ex also liked music, we rarely listened to it at home. One of the things I wanted to get back to – and have been quite successful at – is having music on regularly in my house. I’m teaching my son about it as well – I’d like him to have a good appreciation for it, as I do.

      I know at some point he will turn his nose up at what he perceives to be “my music”, but eventually he’ll come around again.

      Put your radio / CD player /smartphone on!!

      • The problem is that I like the quality of the sound as well… And my laptop just doesn’t provide that. I need to figure out how to set my music system…
        But I did post something. Because music often speaks to me in ways that are hard to describe. It probably would be weird for me to make love to music, because I think I would get lost in the rhythm, but also the lyrics. I don’t know, I guess it didn’t disturb me much last time, but it’s because I didn’t pay any attention to the music at all…
        Though I’m probably one to make love to someone right there, on the dance floor, fully clothed πŸ˜‰

          • I probably wouldn’t ‘do’ it on the dance floor. But make him wish we were somewhere else with no clothes on? Yes πŸ™‚

          • I guess to be precise, it’s not necessarily sex on the dance floor, but I have this fantasy of being in a dark club with awesome sexy dance music, and close dancing with someone while they have their hand up my skirt, giving me an orgasm as I cling to them. That’s all πŸ˜€

          • Yes, that’s all πŸ˜€
            To be truthful, I did something not that far from what you describe on NYE, so I can relate.
            Though in what I was describing to you, I was more considering the effect I had on him than what he would/could do to me… πŸ˜‰

          • Oh, I don’t know. It is very selfish from me to do what I was thinking of. To tease him, to see the look of desire in his eyes. I’m not doing it for him, I’m totally doing it for myself! πŸ™‚
            And very confident that pleasure will come later, for both of us πŸ˜‰

  3. I mean I know it would have been rude but I guess i too would have reacted the same way , Its just not the particular song ,Its just I guess something weird

  4. I love music! I relate to it as much as anyone and possibly more than most. I love having it on in the background as long as it is just jazz or something that is not memorable because I can associate just about any song with a memory and if the wrong song came on it would totally ruin my mood. Hubby calls it the “soundtrack of my life”. I listen to all genres with the exception of rap and opera. I appreciate opera and I have been to a few, they are incredible to experience in person but I’m not going to listen to it in my car. I won’t comment on rap because in my opinion that is not music…it’s fascinating but gets on my last nerve.
    Sorry… Where was I? Oh yeah, maybe Andrew had a “memory” that came through with that song and that threw him off. Or like you said, maybe he was over thinking stuff already and thought you were trying to say something. Either way, I can see how it got awkward. Too bad, he couldn’t concentrate on the moment :-/

    • Ah, I love to listen to some operas at home…but generally those I’ve seen a few times.

      I listen to almost everything, except really heavy metal and super sappy current R&B.

      But yes, the thing with Andrew didn’t really click with me until a conversation he had later. I’m not sure if I mentioned it in a post but he was having trouble actually cumming, after a while. Not just with me but also with his FWB. So he was getting way too much in his head – and he even told me that.

      • Oh yes… seriously sappy R&B I have to agree with you on that one too and I can’t do hard heavy metal either. It sounds evil to me. And add to that most country music. I don’t want to listen to something depressing! ha ha! I avoid movies that I KNOW will make me cry (most of the time) also…..
        I can’t have music on when I am trying to write though. It’s too distracting. I hear the lyrics in my head and totally lose focus on what I was trying to say LOL!
        If he was already in his head too much, then it didn’t matter what music soundtrack you had…if not that song, it would have been something else. Like I said before, he should have been thinking about what he DOING, not what he was hearing… eh? πŸ˜‰

        • EXACTLY. It just proved to me, in hindsight, that he wasn’t really WITH me. He was going through the proverbial motions.

          I can’t usually listen to music when I’m writing or otherwise need to focus – the only thing I can listen to is classical music. But sometimes even that distracts me πŸ™‚

  5. You have my sympathy, Ann, but you know it could have been MUCH worse, right? I’ve heard guests at work have sex to the Sesame Street theme! Now THAT’S awkward…

  6. The tatt isn’t as bad as some that I have seen, but I would be shocked to peel off woman’s clothes to find that staring back at me (truth be told, I would be shocked to be peeling off someone’s clothes at all, but I digress).

    Your playlist is fun and I posted my comments on that list and I should bring them to this current post. Music is HUGE for Savannah and me. Having spent the better part of a decade in a band (vocals and guitar), my mind can get easily distracted away from whatever I am doing. I have to be careful. Savannah has a similar problem. There have been several occasions where my face was between her legs with us both quite deeply involved and enjoying the activity when the song changed…and I look up to find Savannah rocking out, completely departed from what I was doing.

    Our play list is a balance of inclusion and omission of music. We find ourselves wandering into some very eclectic blues which presents other issues – lyrical content that conjures laughter (yes…we have been in hysterics during some pieces that played at a moment that the activity and words should not have mixed).

    Sometimes, the awkward moments are purely delightful, so it isn’t always a negative situation. πŸ˜€

    • Youve seen worse tats then one that makes a man feel like he’s having sex with a baby? Ugh.

      And I laughed at your description… I guess sometimes there is a down side to rocking out to music.

      • Ann, you have to realize, I served in the military and tattoos – as vulgar and disgusting as possible – were very prevalent during my time. So this one is fairly tame by comparison. Because of the guys in my generation, the military has instituted quite a lot of rules surrounding what can be tattooed on a soldier’s body.

        Rocking out while being eaten out is not a good combination.

  7. How is Andrew being blamed for over thinking anything? Isn’t it possible everyone else is over thinking the situation? Maybe he just couldn’t keep his groove going with that song playing. Unless he flat out said “I can’t do this because of how this song makes me feel about our relationship” EVERYTHING is guesswork and people interjecting their own thoughts into what they perceive Andrew to be thinking. Until he says something, what he is thinking cannot be known.

    • Hi Brian – thanks for commenting!

      Yes it’s true that we will never know what he was thinking. However there were other posts I wrote about him and some of the things he said to me at the end of our time together, which would support the theories here.

      He was distracted and unable to focus. So while this was a different example, it fit with the other things I knew about him. He told me after this incident that he thought his new-found inability to cum during sex was because he was getting too much in his head.

  8. I’d find music distracting. I think I’d lose concentration.

    It’s like writers who say they listen to music while writing, I never understood how anyone could do that.

    • Well I can only listen to a couple of types of music if I am going to write, respond to emails, etc. My ex could watch TV And work and I never could.

      But music? I like to move, so it helps πŸ™‚

  9. Ughhh! I did a double take when I saw the picture of that horrible tattoo and who posted it. That poor woman has to live with that thing! Bad decisions have lasting effects, don’t they?

    I don’t have many bad memories associated with songs, but those that exist are (fortunately) ones that Will doesn’t enjoy which means that Andrew’s scenario wouldn’t happen to us.

    I am guilty of getting into a song and focusing too much attention on it. There are some that I AM going to have Will add to the list because it would be perfect to get those sexy rythyms and beats synchronized with our fun!

  10. Shock horror confession. I have never engaged in horizontal gymnastics while music is playing , although I remember a scene from Jerry McGuire where it’s all going to happen when a crazy jazz tape starts up and things come to a shuddering halt followed by laughter. Better than nothing I suppose, but not what the couple were planning when they started peeling off their freshly ironed clothes

  11. This made me laugh. His reaction so weird. I mean unless you made a HUGE deal out of the playlist: “I made this playlist just for YOU, for US, darling, because it’s so perfect… for the two of us… as a couple… you and me, me and you… you know… US… *meaningful stare*” his reaction is bizarre.


    People are fascinating.


  12. Holy great mistakes batman! That tattoo is ummm…. well to each their own I suppose.

    Regarding the song, my guess is that it brought back memories that were either un-favorable or he was just reading way too much into that moment. If memory serves me right you were pretty clingy during that time and maybe the combo was just to much for him. Either way, I’d say you have recovered quite nicely with Tony. xo

    • Your memory is correct on my needing more from him at that time – which I know he picked up on for sure.

      But yes, it is well over now and Tony is a much better fit on many levels. With one exception, but I have hope.

  13. I had two false starts reading this post. That’s how repulsive that tattoo is.

    It’s all biology. I think men sleep with a woman and then desire a different one immediately afterwards because there’s a chemical need to spread their seed. Oh, yeah…and they’re fucking IDIOTS. I’m still hoping my daughters are gay but it doesn’t look good.

    • I did debate using that image. Honestly I think I have only ever had a couple comments on an image I’ve had in a post, ever. I usually take some time finding the right thing, or something I think is funny, so it makes me wonder if I should bother at all.

      I find the research on orgasms and chemical release fascinating. There is another piece of research that was released last year (the Psychology Today article touches on it briefly I think) about what happens in women’s brains during orgasms. It is no surprise that we have those feelings after sex – it’s chemical.

      And men don’t have that same feeling.

      The biology is amazing. Perhaps I should write about it πŸ™‚

      And yes, I realize my friend that I’ve had a post I think each day this week. But I *am* spending less time. It’s progress πŸ™‚

  14. first and foremost-um the tattoo is a visual won’t be able to erase from my mind. ever. and yes, as warm crΓ¨me commented, there are far worse out there but that doesn’t mean I want to see them for a comparison πŸ˜‰

    music. amen sister! I’ve always loved mixed tapes, playlists, whatever. I can’t add anything to what others have said about Andrew other than it’s his issue. As for your personal playlist, the only song I take issue with (as in my issue) is Selena Gomez’ song and only because whenever I hear it, I picture her singing it to Justin Bieber, and well, eew. πŸ™‚

  15. One of our first marital fights was over a song. I loved it, he hated it and I took it personally. It was a beautiful and romantic (and, okay,cheesy!) song that spoke volumes about how much I loved him. All he could think of was that it was the same song his crazy ex-girlfriend played over and over outside his window the night she heard we were engaged.
    Ooopsies πŸ™‚

What do you think?