If you don’t know who I mean when I say P / Shenanigans, and you want to waste some time, then follow the lovers link and read the stories about this guy.
This story stands on its own, though.
All you probably need to know is that we had sex with each other off and on over the last year. I haven’t actually seen him in person since before March at least. We never saw each other again because inevitably he’d be an asshole and we would get into arguments that meant we stopped texting for a little while. But he would always pop back up at some point.
The last time, I told him I was going to block his number so he would leave me alone. He said he would delete my information if I wanted, but asked me not to block him. The last two text messages I sent him were:
“You come back, you imply you want to see me, you play games. You are really fucking unbelievable. Fine. I won’t block your number. I don’t really care if you delete me or not. But don’t get in touch again if you don’t mean what you say. I’m not some 30 year-old waif you can fuck with.”
“Actually, you don’t understand. You never have. Text me when you have learned something. Goodbye.”
Seven days after that, he texted me and we had the following exchange.
- Him: Was that you that referred to something I said as “patronizing”?
(No, you didn’t miss something. That was his opening text.)
- Me: Possibly. Why?
- Him: Was it? Do you remember saying that word to me?
- Me: P, I have no idea.
- Him: Okay lol. Just trying to remember who said that to me recently. Thanks anyways.
I didn’t respond. That was three weeks ago.
This week I was lamenting in my comments that none of the guys I’d been in contact with were contacting me back. Hollie mentioned all her ex’s were getting back in touch and perhaps it was a full moon.
This evening, my phone pinged. Guess who? I laughed so hard I had a coughing fit.
- Him: Hi, could I call you? You at home?
- Me: I’m at home but putting my son to bed. I will be free after 9:15.
- Him: Okay I have something to tell you briefly, something very strange just happened to me.
I wondered if he’d ended up on a date with a friend of mine, or if he found my blog (although in that case I don’t think he would be that nice), or something like that.
I call him after my son is asleep, and he tells me the following story.
“I was out tonight downtown on a date. I met her on Plenty of Fish.”
I stop him right there and ask why he’s calling me about a date. He says oh I know you are uncomfortable hearing about me with other women (this after he asked me once to check POF to see if I get a message from him, because he’s not sure his messaging is working – I told him he was an asshole and I had no interest in facilitating his dating) but I just needed to share this with you to see that you think. Okay, fine, I said.
“We were at [such-and-such] restaurant, do you know it? Anyway, I get off the tube and she says she’s inside. I find her and say hi, we go to the hostess who seats us. I sit down and take off my jacket. She sits down and doesn’t take her jacket off. About 2 seconds later she says she has to go to the bathroom. She leaves. I wait. Turns out she left. Is that weird? I mean, we didn’t even say anything to each other than hello! What do you think?”
Oh sweet Jesus. I’m starting to think this dude is truly insane.
He wanted me to tell him what I thought of all that. I told him that I thought it was mean, and showed she had no respect for him even as a human being.
He kept going…wanted to dissect it even more. I was having none of it.
I asked him a few times why he wanted to talk to me about it. He said he thought we were friends, to which I chortled. As he started to say goodbye he said something about seeing each other again. I said “why on earth would you want to see me again? You made it very clear to me the last time we texted that you had no interest in hanging out.”
We rehashed some old shit (this was the first time we had ever spoken on the phone) and what was fascinating to me is how quickly he became uncomfortable as I calmly explained to him what had happened in the past and the things he had said. I stopped and said “Wow, P, you don’t like conflict, do you?”
“No, no I don’t”.
“Well”, I said, “that explains a lot. I’m not angry with you, nor am I criticising you. I am factually reiterating the things you said and I did and how I responded, in an attempt to figure out why in God’s name you would want to see me again.”
He had no answer for that. But it helped me understand why he would just go silent and react so badly when he was challenged by me. He couldn’t handle it when someone gave him back what he dished out.
Yes, I had reached out to him in a moment of weakness, about two months ago. He had been pursuing me, I just really wanted to get laid, and I had no worries about getting emotionally attached. I had asked if he was free and he said yes, then last-minute backed out (hence my angry texts at the top of this post). So at the end of our discussion, when he asked if I would be willing to talk to him again, I told him the ball was firmly in his court and if he decided he wanted to see me again he could ask.
But it was no guarantee I would say yes.