I'm a one-woman reality show | Choose my next adventure

By now you probably know I’m back on a couple of online dating sites. Most of my time there is spent deleting messages. I have not proactively reached out to anyone. There are a handful of men I have responded to, but nobody I’ve found worthy of a date as yet, who has also asked me out.

Below is the VERBATIM exchange I had over the last few days with one dude on OK Cupid. I am not going to tell you what I think (which I have to say is VERY hard to do)…but I’d love to hear what you think. His messages are in Bold Italics and mine are plain font.

And before you read this and decide to lecture me, this is the MOST I have engaged with anyone at all on this site. I responded because my first thought was he was a catfish. Or just insane. So I was interested to see where he was trying to take the conversation. And I’m usually not so pointed in my responses unless I’m really irritated.

Your profile is more interesting than the average woman profile that I see on this site… Usually there is so much crass self-promotion. I found yours most unusually original. It is rare to find intelligence and wit in this particular forum.

 You sound like you might be more than just an interesting profile (which is refreshing). 

Beside…you have posted some very interesting and attractive photos here…no eyes or nose at the wrong spot…that’s unique, a rare combination of beauty and innocence!

 Do they come with an attractive… cute name too?

Nope? Nothing? Null? Rien? Niente? Nicht? Nad? Ne? no reply? Nothing to say? 
Don’t have the cute name? 
lol. talk to me

I am definitely more than an interesting profile. Thanks for the compliments. My name is Ann. It’s common, not sure about cute?

Ann…such a nice, magical and charming name you have! 

 I recently got hold of a magic crystal ball and just asked it about you. 
Here is what I got…ready?

 You can be very romantic… attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances…try new sexual experiences and partners… provided it’s all in good taste.

Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating…otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving…cuddling… wining and dining to know that you’re being appreciated. 
Is it worth the pesos or should I return it…ask for refund?

Not sure my name is magical but okay… You got a few things right (they were fairly generic lol) but others are off.

Now, the funny thing Ann is…I don’t even need the crystal ball, I KNOW what kind of woman you are. 

You’re FUNNY… INTERESTING…and CHARISMATIC. I’m sure of it. Guaranteed!!!

 You’re the kind of woman that men DREAM ABOUT. 

You probably enjoy life… have fun whatever you’re doing; know what you want… etc. You’re probably successful in your line of work, have a life of your own… and on and on. 

 You’re also the kind of woman that most men have NO idea how to deal with. 

Most guys will turn you OFF within 3 seconds of the introduction, because they’ll start acting all nice, polite, and sweet. 

Uninspired and BORING!!! 

 I mean too much is too much! You do bore easy and like to be active, challenged and kept on your toes.

Again, some of what you say is right…

Nice… polite and sweet is okay to a point but you don’t want a sap, a shameless schmoozer, right? too much syrup rubs you the wrong way…right? It’s just that witty, charismatic, and renegade is better! you want someone who will appreciate your feminine side… treat you like a princess…a nice guy with a bad boy side… or a bad boy with a secret nice guy side…someone who will not sugarcoat it. you want is a MAN who is a masculine and confident at his core…but still a HUMAN BEING who you can relate to. you have such a little girl’s smile; it is so innocent. But I can tell from your eyes that you have an exciting…mischievous side to you.

I don’t like syrup at all actually. Manners, yes. Humour, intelligence, curiosity, passion. Yes, I have a feminine and professional side, as well as a mischievous side. And yes, I want someone who is confident as well.

yeah…it appears you have that shy, conservative side of you that keeps you a lady until you can trust and feel wanted and desired… I bet a lot of people think you are mature….but I know better. I can tell from your eyes that inside…you are really just a little girl….I bet your inner child is a juvenile delinquent. 🙂 I have to go to bed… for real… otherwise I will be a crying grump tomorrow. Sweet dreams Ann.

I’m not shy nor conservative. And I guess it depends on your definition, but any misbehaviour is not juvenile. Goodnight.

Good morning Ann…I hope the morning sun awakens your day to let it beautifully unfold…
I can also tell that you are someone who at times does not take chances…. and sometimes you want to shoot yourself in the foot because you did not have the courage to try something new… But other times you are adventurous and do take chances…and this is when you have the best time because this is the real you… right?

Why don’t you spend more time telling me about you?

Moi? I am everything you didn’t know you were looking for… well…I should tell you something. I’m that guy your mom warned you about. But hey, we both know that you never listened to her…

Why no face pics?

I have pictures to share … just keeping a low profile because of the kind of work I do. look… I am not for everyone. You should ask your doctor if I am right for you… Clinical tests show that I may cause fatigue… heart palpitations and disorientation. A general sense of euphoria has been reported in some cases as well as slight addiction tendencies. It is recommended you do not operate heavy machinery until you know how you will react to me. You should avoid taking alcohol and hang with me as the effect of the alcohol may increase the addiction. In general…be cautious! Any further involvement is at your own risks…

I don’t scare easily, although you do have a different approach and I’m rather cynical after dating online for a year, so not sure what to make of you. But I’m just busy with my son today.

I see you want me, and I kind of like watching you work for it. Keep it up, and maybe you’ve got a shot with me, cutie… but again… I am that guy from your dreams…the venom…the fatal virus…a bit of a maverick… independent…stable and adventurous enough to take a few risks every now and again…able to challenge you… excite you and intrigue you – all at the same time. I am friendly…smart and sweet… adventurous and passionate…I will make u crave me… I will make u wake up in the middle of the night and wish u were kissing my soft sexy mouth. No doctor’s prescription will help the cravings… Beside, you are not THAT adventurous… or are you?

You close to lost me with that first sentence. I have no patience for arrogance.

I have no intention being arrogant 🙂 I live my life flamboyantly, boldly, lustily and with passion and give it my best shot! and you Ann…do you have what it takes to seduce me?

I could ask you the very same question, but I wouldn’t, because it makes me sound arrogant and entitled. I don’t play games. Seduction is mutual and it starts with the brain. Most men can’t handle me – you were right about that. But I don’t put that all out there front and centre as a starting point. You haven’t even asked me what I’m looking for, yet you presume to be that person?

We are all looking for the same thing Ann. We just describe it differently. So we hang out, date…get to know each-other…become friends…and go from there. We gotta start somewhere. How about we aim for friends and anything after that is bonus?

I actually disagree. I have met many men who aren’t looking for the same thing at all. But perhaps you are aligned with me. I would like to see your face – can that be arranged?

Here is my email address should you wish to continue this conversation without this site as mediator. So why have you waited this long to find me? 
 I have been searching forever. Why have I been left alone at this pond reeling in bottom feeders?  Were you circling under the dock watching me? Were you studying my movements… actions… expressions so that u could fine tune your swim towards my lure? 
 Were you lusting for my delicate fingers to softly stroke your rainbow coloured fins?? Did my glistening sun-kissed cheeks beg for your lips to caress them? You may be in over your head with me lady.

So he sent me his face pic via email. If you were me, would you ignore this guy? What would you say to him next?

0 thoughts on “I'm a one-woman reality show | Choose my next adventure

  1. I’m not sure it is even human! I think I could create a computer program to respond like this with appropriate platitudes in response to certain key words. Have you heard of the Turing Test? I’m not sure he would pass. It sounds more like a shark testing your defenses … looking for a soft spot before it bites….

  2. Omg….he is over the top and totally scary…but, you know me, if he was good looking I would probably continue the conversation and see where it led. Frankly though, he moved so fast with so little conversation I tend to think its copy and paste….he’s very full of himself and that won’t change. Play with him!

    • He is attractive but that alone doesn’t make him worth my time. I think he is single for a good reason. If this is any reflection of what he is like in person, his arrogance and self-centerdness would drive me insane.

      A year ago I may have played – but I just can’t see it being worth my time now. I need to get caught up on “the Walking Dead” 🙂

  3. If nothing else than for comedy relief, this guy’s schtick is pretty droll. Part of me wants to create a profile on one of thes dating sites just to see what sort of approach women might use. After all, these certainly makes for some entertaining blog postings. If only I had the time to waste.I’m certain that Savannah would be less than appreciative of me having dating site accounts.

    Bad idea.

  4. Oh, and I didn’t know what language the word “nad” comes from so I looked it up. I couldn’t find any foreign reference to it, but I did discover that, in English, it means “testicle” (nad is short for gonads). He certainly does have a bunch of them! LOL

  5. I think he is charming, but scary. Scary because he knows to well what women want to hear and want to believe. He actually doesn’t know a thing about you. He has probably just become a master at this sort of thing. Watch out for people like this. He reminds me strangely of my husband.

  6. So..am I the only one who thinks this guy is extremely witty and interesting? This is normally the only type of conversation I’d actually engage. I wouldn’t react the same way though probably. I don’t think he meant to be taken literally when he first started with his ‘guesses’. I would just play along. I remember a silly conversation I’ve had once with a guy who said : “we have one interest in common. Sounds good enough for me ;)” which I replied as wittily :”a pretty solid base for marriage.” And then he concontinued:”i will just screenshot this in case you change your mind”. Ok my point bbasically is : if you’d analyse this convo from a “serious” point of view you’d think both of us were completely crazy and creepy !! Sometimes it’s hard to get the “tone” when we read a text.

    BUT now about the pictures. Yes that’s fishy. My experience tells me that the best men with words are the worst with looks :p but there are exceptions. Maybe do some research before meeting the guy ? Good luck Ann .

    • Yessica – if I hadn’t thought there was wit and interest I wouldn’t have bothered. He sent two pics by email – he’s attractive. But still just not sure… Seems too arrogant and self-centerd for me.

      • Hmm, I just don’t think I am seeing his ‘behavior by text’ as ‘seriously’ as other people seem to.

        “I recently got hold of a magic crystal ball and just asked it about you.”

        For you to get an idea of how I interpret ALL of his texts, is the same way anyone would interpret that first one he sent. Exactly same tone and same amount of seriousness.

        But well, texts are misleading (all the time) and I might be wrong. It’s just my perception, really.

        Also for those who have mentioned that he copies paste this type of banter to everyone else – I agree that this could be a possibility. But I don’t see much a big deal about that either.

        Again, for me, it’s the pictures story that it’s kind of …suspicious. What does this guy have to hide?!

  7. You can tell he hasn’t seen your blog. This guy is in waaayyyy over his head. The feeling i get is that he’s a blow-hard and would crumble like a fireballed termite mound when you showed up. Words are cheap.

    I actually agree with Earth Visitor (who probably has extra sensory perception anyway)!in that this sounds very much like a computer program. HAL comes to mind… “Yes Dave…”

    If you’re really angry some day and need to shred someone, call this guy. He wouldn’t know what hit him.

  8. I would ignore him until after the apocalypse. Seriously, I would be afraid this guy would spout this flowery poetry or break into song during sex – an equal turnoff to his sugary and arrogant online banter. Have you seen American Horror Story – Freak Show yet? There’s a character on there – Dandy – who is attractive, intelligent, and charming – and I could totally see him speaking this ridiculous language you’ve quoted above… that is, if Dandy were really about t & a. Creepy creepy creepy. Arrogant men never got far with me either. It’s only cute and funny when you’ve known each other a long time, or at least well enough to know when it’s just being silly.

    • Thanks Tara… apocalypse. Noted.

      I have yet to meet someone so arrogant and aggressive that is actually a strong person. I find they literally “protest too much”.

      And agree, it’s one thing after you have established some form of communication. I can be biting in my comments but it’s in jest… I like someone who can handle it, but I don’t start off that way until they know more about me and how I communicate.

  9. I think he’s working from a script. Probably one he got from one of those “how to pick up women” books.
    Not having seen your profile, it seems to me that he doesn’t address anything specifically from it. Everything he writes is based on generalities. It’s possible he did nothing more than look at your pictures and pasted in his “intro script” and sent it to you.
    This is the kind of guy that makes me feel like he’s running a numbers game and just wanting to add you in as a notch on his belt. Or whatever.

    • I felt like that as well. I do think my profile is pretty well written so there are some things he could haven’t picked up on, but given the sheer volume of BS it seemed to be not specific to me at all.

      I won’t be a notch on his belt unless something really dramatic changes!!

  10. Im with Hollie and Spacefreedom. His words make me vomit…could someone honestly keep up that kind of talk 24/7? I think not.

    His arrogance even pisses ME off…

  11. Wow that is the strangest online dating conversation I’ve ever seen. Does not seem like a real guy. But if it is a real guy, he is hiding all details about who he really is behind a bunch of bizarre fluff and that seems pretty suspect

    • It was definitely weird enough for me to post it here!! I’ve had a little bit of that kind of thing before, but nothing like that.

      Agree totally. Bizarre and fluffy which is not a good combination 🙂

  12. Fuck that shit! Hahahahaha holy shit ann. He’s probably got all these quotes written down in a word doc and pastes to everyone.

    He’s got a massive wall up, so massive that I’m starting to think he’s the kind of guy to refers to himself in third person “jims a good guy, jim likes dates, you should date jim!”ROFL

    I personally wouldn’t have replied after 1-2 of his msgs, but this right here would make me tell him to shove it:
    “Keep it up and maybe you’ve got a shot with me”

  13. *laugh* I think he’s funny, but I have to admit, I really like engaging with the strange ones, the over-the-top, the ones who make me squint and think they are ‘other’ than everyone else. I find them amusing.

    I assume they are joking and am happy to dig a little into what’s underneath.

    I wasn’t put off by the arrogance (I thought that was funny also) but the THE RANDOM CAPS and then the ‘u’ later were a turn off.

    I’d turn the tables, though: “You’ve worked hard to capture my attention, let’s see if you can keep it with some substance shall we? Drop the schtick, and engage in an actual conversation with me: Tell me about X…”

    So yeah, I’d dig a little further if I was bored to see what he’s like when he’s stopped with the sales pitch as long as it was amusing to me. Curiosity and all…


    • OOOOHHHHH (random CAPS lol) I like your idea of turning the tables.

      If I get bored I might do that. I actually started a conversation with a cute italian guy who calls me “Bella” and has sent me suggestive texts in Italian. He professes to not be a player but I’m a bit wary 🙂

  14. Hmmm…for a bit, he didn’t even sound human. Did you get a real face?? I loved your responses though! For a while, it was like he wasn’t listening to you. THEN, it seemed that he tried to tone down and mimic the shorter replies…but, I don’t think he’s capable of anything less than a ramble.
    Oh my–I just totally judged him without knowing a thing about him. Sorry about that 🙂

    • Indeed. I have a short followup to post; he emailed me after I didn’t respond to his full face picture. Didn’t sound like such a prick… and I told him why I didn’t respond to him.

  15. My GOD what a bunch of tedious horseshit. The things you women have to put up with. I read P.S. Please Don’t Be A Serial Killer’s posts and it makes me miss dating terribly. Then I see an episode like this and I feel the other way. There’s no happy middle.

    • Yes! “Tedious horseshit”… Lol…

      I just read a post from a male blogger about how these women on Tinder are going silent on him and seem to only want stuff online. I told him – welcome to what I’ve experienced all the time from men online dating.

      Sure, I know there are people who see some of this stuff and pine for the excitement, the sex with new people, etc., but honestly, it is SO tedious. It’s why I’m trying to change my approach to who I engage somewhat. But yeah, that leaves me feeling like a game player and a cynic.

  16. Damn, I missed out reading this yesterday. All I can say is what a “canned” response he has (type & paste). No doubt he pulls this with every. woman. He starts out sounding original then, blah, blah, bullshit. Certainly good for a chuckle and perfect waste of time. In person he’d need someone to feed him lines through a hidden ear piece a la Roxanne the movie from the eighties. I bet Quasimoto would have better luck with woman than that putz.

    • I should write a follow up… he sent me a full face & bod pic (clothed, I should add) and then I didn’t respond. So he sent me a decent email back this morning and I told him why I didn’t respond. Should provide everyone with the exchange to see what y’all think.

  17. Run. He is overly arrogant (some arrogance is nice). Very generic in who he seems to think you are. I can see very lonely women responding the the bullshit. You don’t seem that type. Personally I don’t like when someone who knows nothing about me proceeds to tell me what it is that “I want”. Also the no pic on the profile is a warning sign. That screams married or perhaps he isn’t who he showed you via the email pic to be. Maybe run the pic thru Google match? I just stick with my initial assessment of run. Plus he irritated the fuck out of me. LOL

    • He irritated me too!! And no, I’m not the type to respond well to that…including for the reason you highlight (don’t dare tell me what I want, thank you very much).

      But he did have pics – I realize perhaps I wasn’t clear – just not a good one of his face. There was one riding a bike with sunglasses.

  18. Late to the party. Again. There is something about the way he writes that irritates the fuck out of me. Seriously. I don’t know that I even find him amusing or intelligent. Perhaps high and delusional? It will be interesting to see how this one plays out.

  19. To me, it sounds like he has his interactions in a master file – and he just copies and pastes those he finds most appropriate. They all sound written and rewritten to get just the effect he wanted – and they are all generic – one of those situations where I think it would be totally accurate to say, “I bet you say that to all the girls!” His part of the exchange totally rubs me the wrong way – he’s way too grandiose, he dodges any questions you ask, he is much too full of himself.

  20. Ol’ boy got points in my book for a strong and different approach.

    He doesn’t get points for how he continued with his stupidity. You had a great opening, then you wasted it!

What do you think?