Flounder = to struggle to move or find ones footing
Flounder = type of fish
See what I’m doing here?
In my post about the trouble I got up to one day in bed, I think I mentioned I also joined FetLife. For those of you unfamiliar, it was a site created by a Canadian (which should not be a surprise since Canadians also invented Ashley Madison, and Lavalife, one of the earliest online dating sites) as an online community for those in various fetish lifestyles. Perhaps it’s those long winters they suffer through.
I joined because a few people I know, Andrew included, are on the site. Andrew said it would be a good place for me to do some research and learn a bit more about the “community”. I knew he had also met some lovers there. And I was bored.
So I put up a picture (not of my face, it was my shoulder with a couple of Andrew’s bruises) and started searching around the site. When you put in your profile you pick a “role” (examples: Dominant, babygirl, Slave, pet, Sadist, Kinkster, Bottom, etc). I put “Hedonist”…seemed like the best pick.
Wow. I am so vanilla compared to most people there. Yes, you read that right. This is a place where the fact that I like to have sex all the time, sometimes with more than one man, enjoyed being spanked, etc… NOPE. BORING. There are women who pretend to be pets. Like in cages, with tails stuck in their you-know-what, and eating out of pet bowls.
And oh yeah, don’t get me started on the pictures. Sheesh. Now, I know, it’s all good between consenting adults and all that… but with some of these things, I can’t help but think that some psychological counselling might help.
My horizons are being expanded. Some of these things make me feel small and uninteresting.
What I wasn’t prepared for was being reached out to online so quickly. The first couple of guys just sent polite notes saying hi and welcome to FetLife. The next was a 28 year-old Dom who stopped messaging after I told him I ultimately wanted a relationship. No biggie. The younger ones have less appeal for me anyway.
Then there was a 38 year-old “kinkster” who started off by saying he liked my profile and thought we had a lot in common, then said I had a lovely smile and eyes (I had put up some pics that can only be seen by “friends”).
We spent some time chatting on the site. Then it moved to text messaging. One day this week we had a phone call. It was nowhere near the easy flow of the conversation with the Dog Trainer, but it wasn’t bad. He knew I was sick and said once I was better he would like to meet me.
Today we were texting off and on all day (not a ton, just here and there). I won’t bore you with the details but we covered a number of topics and were finding we were pretty similar. We talked about sex but it wasn’t sexy chat. Then I asked if he wanted to get together now that I was on the mend.
And then it got weird. My first chat had a weird typo so I said it was funny, and then here’s how it went:
- Him: 😉 mhm
- Me: Is that a yes to getting together, or that I was funny?
- Him: Both silly
- Me: Just checking! So what is your schedule like this weekend?
- Him: Have to figure that out.
Okay. I will stop and say WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, RIGHT? Sometimes it means they are a bad planner, but usually I find it means “Well, I have a few women in rotation, and it’s only Monday, and another better offer might come up in the next few days, so I’m not going to commit to you until the last minute”.
So I said:
- Me: Okay…
- Him: What?
- Me: I’m lol’ing. Some men say that because they are just not planners. Others because they are juggling lots of diff options. And I’m laughing because I’ve become such a cynic.
- Him: :S
- Me: Now my turn to say “what”?
- There was some useless back and forth of me trying to explain that I’m cynical about some things but I’m generally an optimist.
- Him: Er…
- Me: Yes?
- Him: Trying to absorb that.
- Me: Well the cynic comment has some truth of course, or I wouldn’t have said it. But it’s not a defining characteristic or anything like that.
- Him: Sounds like it.
- Me: Did I say something that bothers you?
- Him: The cynic plus diff options and patterns of behaviour. I don’t do well with cynics. Also it sounds like you already have a chip on your shoulder.
- Me: Well as I said, cynic is not a predominant characteristic of mine at all. About a few things and situations, sure. And I definitely don’t have a chip on my shoulder.
At this point I’m so fed up. I felt like I’d stepped in something and was torn between wanting to correct it, and figuring if he was that sensitive he wasn’t going to be the right guy for me anyway.
I go back on the site to look at his profile, to find that he has removed me from his friend list. WTF?
So I said “Well I see you have removed me as a fetlife friend. Well that’s clear. Nice chatting with you”. He says “And you as well.”
It took all my energy not to send something snarky, because I knew then he would just validate his belief I was a cynic.
Such is life. I am therefore still dateless on Friday night (it was originally reserved for Andrew).