Baby did a really dumb thing.

On Monday I had a dentist appointment. Nothing serious. I was trying to get a bunch of things done at the same time. Checking my postal mail on my way out the door, I noticed an envelope from an Insurance agency.


Will and I had decided to cancel the life insurance policy which we jointly held. Last week he asked me to send him an email agreeing to cancel, so if the company required it he would have it. I realized I never sent the email. Walking to the public transit station, phone in hand, I sent him a text asking him the name of policy, to which he responded.

I quickly fired off an email to him that said “this is to confirm our conversion that the policy is to be cancelled”, and signed my name.

I got on the tube and thought nothing of it. Until I got out of the Dentist and checked my email to see one from Will saying:

“Ann, can you please confirm the cancellation of the policy and any remaining cash value will be deposited into [my real name]’s account”.

It was to my Ann St. Vincent email account.

oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck

I sat down on a bench in the lobby and the panic washed over me in waves. I tried to get into my WordPress dashboard on my phone but of course couldn’t make it work. I got into my gmail chat and praying he would be there, contacted my friend Gardener.

He responded right away and told me how to make my blog private. When I couldn’t get to the menu, after giving Gardener my email and password he immediately did it for me.

Then I checked my stats and saw a very low number of views from our country. Phew. I had just posted a couple of hours earlier so this wasn’t unusual.

Gardener and I texted back and forth while I explained what happened. I realized that my ex was with my son running errands and was on his iPhone. Since he responded to the email as if I was the insurance company, it was unlikely he looked at the email address and instead just saw the name. My blog name has no meaning to him at all – it’s not something he would recognize.

When I thought I could actually use my legs again, I said my profuse thanks to Gardener and went home. I had to figure out how to a) cancel my policy and b) ensure Will would have no reason to go back to the email I had sent.

I called the insurance company. They couldn’t cancel over the phone and we needed to fill out a form and both sign it. I had them make a note on the account that we intended to cancel, and then the rep emailed me the form.

I texted another close blogger friend and bounced some ideas back and forth with him how to minimize the impact of my astoundingly bad mistake. I now had a plan.

I forwarded the email to Will (this time from the RIGHT account – sheesh) and changed the Agent’s name to Ann in her email (I know, I know…but did anyone have a better idea?). I said “here is the form we need to fill out to formally cancel the policy so the cash value will be deposited. I can print out and you can sign on Christmas or drop off earlier if you prefer. Let me know.”

Then I waited.

He responded later and sounded completely normal. I felt a bit better.

I tried hacking into the webmail version of his email account so I could delete the original Ann email, just so it was forever gone. Of course, he’s changed his password. He has a new iPhone so perhaps when he drops our son off tomorrow, I can “check out” his new phone and casually delete it from there. It would help me not worry.

Since Monday’s adventure, we’ve spoken on the phone and exchanged texts and nothing seems to be amiss. I think it’s safe to say he hasn’t noticed the real email address I sent the email from and that he hasn’t searched for my blog. He will probably not give it a second thought.

I still worry that he may notice if one day he decides to clear out his inbox. Hence my desire to delete the original email. The risk is fairly low, but still.

Why do I care if he knows about this blog? Well, even if I could get past him knowing all of my slutty sexual adventures, he doesn’t know that I exercised my rights to be “open” in that phase of our marriage. It would hurt him, even if it’s not why we split. I’ve written about him, highlighting some particularly unflattering moments in our marriage. He would be livid that those stories are public.

I will bring this blog back up in the next week or two. I miss sharing my stories with everyone, and I have some great ones this past week, including a date with P/Shenanigans, a great afternoon delight with Jason, and my best first date ever with a new guy off Plenty of Fish. But when I open it up again, I might make the posts about Will, and Faraway Lover, private for a while longer.

Thank you to those of you who reached out to me to ask if I was okay. It means a lot. And a special thank you from the bottom of my heart to Gardener, and Will Carrier, and Mark Baron, for helping me get through the day.



0 thoughts on “Baby did a really dumb thing.

  1. Nowhere near your calamity, but I used my blog email to send a note to work. Needless to say, I now limit what I write about work… Not that it’s an issue or that I am doing anything wrong, but still. Better safe than sorry. Anything else they read about me that may be uncomfortable is on them for searching for it.

    i hope everything goes away quickly 🙂

  2. I am still overseas until Christmas night, and haven’t been online for ages. I was hoping to catch up on your exploits between Christmas and New Years but this? this beats anything I could have anticipated. That is something I would do. One day I will take the tube to Ann’s neighborhood and we will have coffees (I think with Bailey’s… lots of Bailey’s) and talk email screwups. . The line that states your reaction is perfect.

    Good luck with Mission Impossible. Getting rid of that email will calm that tempest in your mind.

  3. Glad that you are okay!
    I looked for you this morning and panicked when I couldn’t find you. Then, I noticed you’d privatized your site and didn’t want to be intrusive.
    Needless to say, I was thrilled to get your invite and happy to know all is (almost) well. Phew! Deep breath, hon…good way to make sure that ticker is working.
    Now, grab a bottle of something, take a deep breath and we’ll see you soon. Xox

  4. I was still with the ex when I started my blog — and initially it was just supposed to be a place where I shared funny stories about my past — so he was aware of it and read it often. However, now that he left, and my blog occasionally talks about him and how I’m doing, it’s a bit dicey. There are posts I’ll probably never post because I know he’ll read them and 1) I don’t want to be purposely hurtful and 2) he doesn’t need to know all of my business. It kind of sucks.

    I’ve seen blogs where it seems like just certain posts are password protected — so maybe that is something I can do for those types of posts (if that really can be done — I’m technologically inept in so many ways).

  5. Pingback: Mission Accomplished!! Merry Christmas!! | ann st vincent

  6. Advice…. Use your blog email ONLY on a separate mail program to your other emails. Eg use iPhone mail for all mail, but the gmail app for your blog email. You get the idea.

  7. OHFUCKOHFUCK is right! Holy Cow!! I guess I just think of you Ann St. Vincent — period. It’s a nice name, and certainly plausible. I put myself in your place and my first thought was “so what?” Then I thought more and figured it is none of his business what you do, or write about. That privilege was given up when the decision to divorce was made. If you wrote things he didn’t think should be aired, then he is ashamed of his actions, and he shouldn’t have behaved that way. I am pretty sure my ex wouldn’t like to read the stories of the abuse I suffered from him, because, you know, it was ALWAYS my fault. grrrrrrr.

    I am happy that I was able to get back in, I was wondering how I was going to track you down…

    • Ah you could have always “requested access” when you got to the page when it said my blog was private. But hopefully it won’t happen again!!

      And other than the things that happened when we were still married, I just don’t want him to know what I’m up to. He would be positively horrified. And who know what legal action he might pursue if he got his panties in a twist about it.

      • I am not sure I know how to do that, I thought it was asking me to log in or something, I didn’t know if I needed some wordpress thing.

        Sorry, but the “less nice” side of me kinda giggled at him getting his panties in a twist. I still have much to read…

    • Nah, that’s not the only reason. I want to be able to be completely uncensored here. Although a few girlfriends have this blog name, I would tell them everything here anyways. Otherwise, I don’t share. It took me a long time to even tell people in my life that I’ve been writing!

      • So this is your dirty little secret? That must be one interesting conversation when you introduce to that book! 😉

        Uncensored is good, and for the type of blog this it works best. I think you understand what I mean though…As you said somewhere in my binge reading,(Not in quotes).. I heard your interview, now I hear your voice when I read your comment, or something like that…

        • Wouldn’t say it’s a dirty little secret…I think of this blog as my journal. It’s uncensored and not always pretty or personally flattering. Some people know I keep a journal in this form, but only a few who know me in real life read it.

          Yes, I did say that to another blogger, who literally had a podcast interview, and it was wonderful to be able to hear her voice.

          You had asked for suggestion – the categories work pretty well (I hope) or some of the pages that have links to all my older content. One of my favorite stories is about getting a speeding ticket… search “speeding ticket” and you’ll find the two-parter.

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