And…then there were zero dates, but some upcoming sex

I guess I should just know that this shit happens. On the one hand I’m happy I don’t have to shower now, but on the other it would have been nice to get out.

Let me back up. As I posted this morning, I had a lunch appointment (I’m not calling it a date) and an after-work date today.

Lunch Appointment

This morning at 8:22 I got the following text from my lunch appointment:

“Hey Ann. I’m sorry but I need to reschedule. My wife fell down some stairs last night and hurt her back. She thought this morning she would be ok but after her sleep she can barely move. Can we reschedule. I’ll figure out when later today. Again I’m sorry.”

I responded “No problem. Hope she feels better soon.”

And before you lecture me, he’s in an open marriage and he’s someone I want to talk to about D/s, not date. I have no interest dating a married man. We’ll see if he follows up with me.

At that point I decided to work from home all day. I would get ready for the evening date from here.

Drink Date

Then at 1:38pm I get the following text from my drink date:

“Hey Ann, I just got hit with a last minute project. I’m hoping to keep our meet tonight, but may be late.”


Here was the rest of our exchange:

  • Me: How much later do you think?
  • Him: Maybe 730 or 8? I will confirm.
  • Me: Okay. If it’s better for you lets reschedule. I’m not keen on waiting around to have you cancel, and nor do I want you stressing to get something done – I know what it’s like. I am finalizing some things but might be free thurs or fri. What would you prefer?
  • Him: Ya, you’re right. Let’s reschedule. Let me get back to you.
  • Me: Okay
  • Him: Tnx
  • Me: No problem.

I was trying to not sound like a pill, but I wanted to be very clear that I wasn’t just going to sit around waiting for him. I also was trying to not say I’m sitting around with all my nights free (even though that’s true at the moment) but I wanted to see him.

This is the second time he has cancelled. To be fair, he did tell me this was a very busy time for him as it’s year end. So I’m not all fussed worried that he’s bailing for a better woman (well, we are know there are no better women lol).

Needless to say – actually, who am I kidding… it’s not “needless to say”. I’m going to let him come to me and will not follow up again. If his interest is piqued enough, he will get in touch.

Italian Dude

In other news, I’m starting to get the distinct impression the Italian dude is pretty much only interested in sex. I’m trying to deflect some of his asks with humor. Or telling him I would send him stuff after we meet. I told him yesterday I didn’t want a cock shot.

But he’s taking conversations to that place. He’s stopped asking me other stuff. We discussed getting together on Thursday or Friday night and he has to ask his ex, as he has full custody of his son. As of now, he says he hasn’t heard back. I’m starting to doubt he’s serious about getting together.

Last night he asked for “a sexy pic tonight before I hit the pillow”. I asked if he would reciprocate and he asked if there were any “restrictions”. I told him he could show me whatever he wanted…so of course it was a cock shot. He said it was from that morning but I dunno. I’ve become such a cynic.

This morning he sent me a text that said “working lunch today?” and when I asked if it was an invitation, he said yes, then when I told him I was actually free he said he couldn’t because he had to do a site visit with a colleague (he’s a project manager in a construction related field). I think I will just share the rest of the conversation with you and you can tell me what you think:

  • Him: Then lets try again later in the week?
  • Me: I thought you were looking into thurs or fri night? Did I misunderstand?
  • Him: I’ve asked…no answer yet.
  • Me: Okay. I am done early on Thurs and have Fri off. But no lunchtimes until Fri.
  • Him: Ok let me figure it out on my end sexy.
  • Me: Please. I am trying to make plans for my week 🙂
  • Him: Listen to you Ms popular! 😉 Just keep that pussy nicely waxed and untouched for me Bella.
  • Me: I don’t wax :/ Leaves scars.
  • Him: Nicely shaven smooth as butter is fine too 🙂

Okay now I’m peeved. I almost tell him to f*ck off but hold back.

  • Me: Appreciate the input but nope, I keep some hair.
  • Him: Where?
  • Me: What do you mean where?
  • Him: Landing strip?
  • Me: Is this a thing for you?
  • Him: A deal breaker? No lol
  • Me: Well I would hope not. You said you weren’t shallow. How about you ask me something non sexual 😛

I’m trying to deflect with humor. See if he gets my message and is willing to back the f*ck up.

  • Him: I’m not done asking about sexual…So how much down there then? Lol

And at this moment, I fucking hated dating and all the BS that goes with it. I didn’t want to come across as a total bitch from hell but COME ON.

  • Me: I don’t look like a 1970s porn star if that’s what you are worried about. I am blonde. My hair is fine and trimmed. And you really need to stop with the hair questions. You are now giving me the impression you are primarily interested in sex – so if that’s not the case, I thought you should not that’s not how you are coming across.
  • Him: I’m ok with that. You’re free to assume as you wish.
  • Me: I don’t think you want me to assume.
  • Him: You can if you wish. But you know what they say about people who do…
  • Me: Right. So I figured it was better to tell you how you are coming across then leave me with an assumption.
  • Him: Mmmm Hmmm.

At this point, I really just want to get meeting him out of the way so I can see what he’s like. I’m pissed at myself for bothering with him but he’s said on other occasions that he’s just flirty and playful and passionate. But my previous experience would say when a man talks like this most of the time, that’s what he’s interested in.

Is there such a thing as an exception?

Anyway, we closed off like this and as of writing this, 8 hours later, I haven’t heard anything else. I am NOT going to text him again. As always, I welcome your input.

  • Me: When are you done your site visit today and do you have to go straight back to the office?
  • Him: I’ll be with an associate Bella. then straight back to the office.
  • Me: Ah too bad.
  • Him: Would have loved to sneak in a kiss and juicy ass grab [I refer to my ass as “juicy”, just so ya know]
  • Me: Indeed yes.

Do not despair for me. All is not lost.

I texted Jason this morning to say hi and see how he enjoyed a vacation he just returned from. He was with his ex and their son. I should tell you that although it’s been a year since his ex showed up on his doorstep (literally) with his child, and he’s been considering getting back together with her and they are spending lots of time with her, he still hasn’t had sex with her.

This trip was going to be one of his big deciding factors on whether they get back together.

We chatted a bit and he asked if I got laid recently. I said no, and I was dying. He asked if I needed “a friend to do you a favor?”. I guess he didn’t fuck his ex…because once he does, he’s not going to be playing with others.

He’s coming over on Friday afternoon to fuck me silly. Yay! I’m super excited. He also asked if we could find a time to go to a sex club together. I said hell yeah. Thanks to FetLife, I now I know people who can join us 😉

0 thoughts on “And…then there were zero dates, but some upcoming sex

  1. Im still working on my lists…and the more I think anout it the more I think I just need to get laid! I’m glad you’re getting fucked silly Friday, I am jealous!!

  2. you go girl! Ms. Popular is right. Gotta love the Italian though, I’m related to enough of them. Bunch of swarthy lotharios, the lot, but so much testosterone and drive to please. They are very swoon worthy, especially if you didn’t mind a bigger stallion in your FB stable. wink,wink,nudge,nudge. 😎

  3. IMO, the Italian sounds like a prick. Seriously. He lost me at “pussy.” And anyone who reads my shit should know I’m no prude. Honestly, he sounds like he’s all about himself. And his penis. Also, you do not sound like a bitch from hell.

    And, um, forgive me if I’m stepping over a line here, but it sounds like you are seeking input, so… I don’t know all the circumstances of how it came up, but generally speaking, talking about your juicy ass is likely to attract the dudes who are all about the sex. It’s definitely going to make them think about sex. I’m just putting that out there because it sounds like at this point you’re looking for something that’s NOT based purely on sex.

    Either way, this Italian dude sounds douchey. I really don’t think you’d be missing much if you gave this guy a pass.

    • Thank you so much for your input… I do really appreciate it because I find sometimes when I get down the proverbial rabbit hole I can end up debating with myself what’s what.

      Although my gut isn’t 100% on this one, it’s definitely in the 75% douche chance range.

      And yes – agree with you on the “juicy” comment. There are few lines crossed here…I appreciate all input. I definitely stayed away from any of the sexy talk at first and my profile is neutral (I found that “fun” and “passionate” mean something unintended lol).

      I think I used the term when I was saying I had a rather generous behind…I used the term “juicy”…

      And finally thank you for saying I didn’t sound bitchy. I am trying to do what I often have to do in real life – use humor and deflection to make a point, instead of being militant. I am going to stand up for what I want (and don’t want), but I think there’s a clever way to do it, and a way that makes me sound like a pain in the ass…

      • It’s funny how men can take a simple little word and make it sexual. Pigs. That’s not nice. I like pigs.

        Yeah, it’s tough sometimes to convey certain things over text because tone is lost. I’ve found emojis to be immensely helpful 🙂

  4. I must say that cock shots are something I don’t really understand. If I want to be with someone, the size of their cock is my last concern! I think anyone that insistent to send a cock shot is probably feeling quite insecure in other areas, needing to compensate by bragging…
    Personally, I’d rather be able to talk to them and have an interesting conversation. I guess I’m not quite ready for casual sex :-/
    And yes, the Italian seems like someone I would go out of my way to avoid… but well, that’s me 😉

  5. well my Wednesday night has been cancelled. He got sent out of town for work till Friday. So now I have to wait till Saturday. Which is probably better cause Aunt Flo came to visit today. Give the ovaries a chance to shut up by then.
    Which part was lol, btw?

  6. Ugh that Italian dude gave me the willies.

    However I don’t think you sound bitchy either. Direct is never a bad thing. At least not in my world 🙂

    Yay for upcoming sex though! I’ve been indulging in Cern’s pants so long that now I’m on my way into work I’m having separation anxiety 😉

    Hope you finally get that seeing to!


    • If Jason cancels I think I will have to just go to a sex club. I almost considered going tonight (one of the “gentlemen” I’ve been speaking with on FL invited me) but I just spent some quality time with some toys instead. Which just made it worse :

        • Yes I need to be there. But not so much that I’m going to lower my standards.

          Does going to a sex club count?

          And yeah, why not keep him? I don’t know if I missed a post, but did you guys sort out that other woman he’s seeing?

          • Well, I think so… Sex with an actual live penis is the goal right? Destination penetration? So it definitely counts!

            I think I’m going to. We’ve been having a lot of interesting conversations lately and we are happy not classifying what we’re doing but we may have some end goals we are aiming for. And that gives me warm fuzzies. I haven’t posted about it yet because I’m not quite sure I want to let it out… I guess it’s a fear of jinxing it.

            It’s different. He’s different and it feels special 🙂 one day I will! X

          • Ah, I meant does it count as lowering my standards 🙂

            I’m starting to realize I may have 2 parallel streams in my life…wanting to find people to have sex with (and not the stupid “FWB” or halfway stuff)…which probably means clubs, AND looking for a relationship.

            I don’t even know if I handle both things at once. But raising my dating standards is dramatically reducing the amount of sex I’m having. Which is not a desired outcome 🙂

            I am really happy for you to hear that. Can’t even begin to really articulate it. <3

          • There’s nothing wrong with parallel streams! And no, definitely not lowering standards. It’s a different kind of experience so not sure it even fits in to with the other?

            I hear you on the useless unconnective sex thing. I can’t do it anymore, but at least I’m getting such good seeing to in that area with my one that I haven’t felt like I’m missing something.

            Unfortunately raising standards does that. Reduces sex because you won’t accept anything less. Which is shitty, but then I look at Cern and I’m glad I held off.

            Here’s to hoping you get something unexpectedly magical land in your lap too 🙂

  7. It’s great to hear you’re going to get fucked silly in the afternoon. (I wish I was! LOL)
    Am I right in thinking you’re finding these men on dating websites, as well as FetLife? I don’t know the etiquette around such things (they never existed when I was young, free and single) but I’m not surprised if a lot of the guys are primarily focused on sex. I know I would be. I’m way out of the game when it comes to dating as well so I don’t know what the alternatives (bars, clubs, pick up joints ha ha) are like these days.

    • Yes these are men I’m meeting on “dating” sites. While many of them are just looking for sex (women too), there are lots looking for relationships. I just haven’t found anything worth my time or funny enough to write about 🙂

    • It’s a fair question. I guess because with some of our earlier conversations I got the sense there was more to him than just the sex.

      And I’m lonely and like the attention, to be perfectly honest. He’s quite attentive.

  8. Ann, what a fascinating sex life you have. Actually how fascinating those other dudes have also a sex life, one guy married and hoping around from pussy to pussy, an Italian guy with kids also doing the same. Hell, human beings fascinate me.

    Worst part I even fascinate myself.

  9. Let them all go.

    Have Jason fulfill those needs.

    None of these men are making you a priority and that is one of the things you WANTED. Ignore the married guy, tell Mr. Cancel he’s waited too long (he probably scheduled another date that night) and inform Italian guy he’s a weirdo and then block his number.

    • Lol Italian is actually spending a lot of time texting me… but I know what you mean.

      Jason unfortunately has nowhere near enough time to meet my needs. If he did, and if he wasn’t considering a relationship with an ex, it would be great. He’s been one of the good ones.

    • I won’t let Jason go unless he gets back together with his ex (then he would be backing out on his own) or until I find someone for relationship. I’ve known Jason for a year now, and he has always been a stand up guy. And he knows what I like 😉

  10. You have needs hmmm? Well…I have needs too, but I pretty much went with a year of celibacy (sp?) instead.

    Lonely sometimes? Makes two of us. But i don’t go lowering my standards, even if its just to pick someones brain like the Italian….something makes me think you arent happy with yourself entirely. People like him (women included), I make no time for whatsoever.

    • Well, here’s the thing. And I know I need to write about this. I’m quite confident about who I am and what I have to offer.

      The standard line for why a woman would waste time with suboptimal men is that she has confidence issues. I honestly don’t think that applies to me. I seek affection and attention and struggle with being lonely.

      I went 15 years of almost full celibacy and I have no desire to do that again.

What do you think?