I’m sick. Really sick. Doctor thinks it could be ‘walking pneumonia’. So I’m on antibiotics and other stuff and was told to stay home, which I have done. Monday I stayed home except for a trip to the Doctors. Tuesday I stayed home all day.
I got broken up with on Monday night. As a friend said about Andrew, “you mean the asshole got you sick then dumped you?” Friends are awesome.
The rejection hurts, not because I feel like I lost my soul mate or even a long term relationship potential, but just because of course I would want someone to want to keep seeing me. Geez, even if he had said he just wanted a sexual relationship, it would be better than nothing. I mean, he did say I was the best at certain things, and there was no comparison between me and his FWB, so WTF?
As I wrote yesterday, I’m thinking about what I want. Not only from a relationship perspective, but from a partner, and the kind of treatment I expect. I’ll be writing the latter two over the next few days since I suspect I’m not going back to work tomorrow.
But what I wanted to write about now is the shenanigans I got up to yesterday while playing on the internet. I mentioned recently I had reopened my OKCupid profile. Honestly I don’t remember why. There was some trigger to do so (sense of rejection, maybe?) and then I didn’t bother hiding myself again. So, of course the emails have been flowing in, and I’m ignoring the vast majority of them.
But two guys caught my eye. One is a dog trainer and looks like a super tough dude. I recognized him and couldn’t figure out where I had seen him before. Turns out it was on Tinder. We had matched and then never communicated.
Anyway, he reached out and I responded. We had a decent conversation going – yes he also talked about sex pretty early on, but when I suggested that doing so was inconsistent with also saying he wanted a relationship, he explained he had some kinks and was tired of having relationships for several months and then when he let the woman know about them, she wasn’t interested.
For the record while some of what he does is slightly extreme for me (oxymoron, perhaps), it’s not out of the ballpark.
Anyway, we moved the discussion to text messaging. Things were flowing pretty well. He alternated between sexy and sweet, and at one point asked me how big my breasts were. I told him that was a pretty funny question and should I be asking him how big his cock was. He asked if I wanted to see a picture, so I said sure, why not.
OH MY GOD IT IS REALLY SMALL. I gotta tell ya, it was a big (not!) disappointment. And I’m not talking about average. It’s small. I mean, unless his hands are twice the size of a normal guys. Which I suppose is possible, as he’s 6’2 and 250 lbs. It just stings even more because Andrew was a two-hander. Above average length and girth, which was fantastic.
Then I felt terrible because for a minute I thought about finding a way to just wind down the conversation. Here’s the thing… he seems like a decent balance of passion and nice guy.
Example One: He was asking about my son and what sports he plays. He then says “we need to teach him golf”, to which I respond cautiously but positively. He follows it up with “if we click and things are good we should all go to the driving range, it’s a hoot”.
Example Two: I mentioned I was home and texting because I was sick. He says “Terrible baby, just terrible. If I was there I’d fuck your brains out then make you tea and toast.”
It made me laugh.
The second guy who caught my eye happened to be none other than the hot actor from my film festival flop week. I hadn’t met him on OKCupid, it was on Match.com. So the fact that he “liked” my profile was definitely recent, since I had been hidden for months. So I “liked” him back and sent him a simple opening message asking him how he had been.
He responded right away with his mobile number, which was still in my phone. I was wracking my brain trying to remember why we never saw each other after our first coffee date. Thank god for the blog, I found the post and had it all figured out. His issues were my advance planning (one week!), some lack of time (yeah, I was dating a lot), and the fact I had a kid was his reason for not pursuing me further.
After chatting for a bit, and him saying he wanted to meet up, I reminded him I had a son and asked whether he still didn’t want to date someone with a kid.
He questions how much my calendar was an issue. I told him the truth – that I had one night a week free, and that other nights I needed to plan in advance. I knew I wouldn’t be trying to balance so many men [okay…in editing I thought I should note this seems to not be the case…I caught more fish than I planned] but also didn’t want to waste a single more second if he was going to be pissy again that I was busy and have a child.
I also said “if you don’t have the patience for that, I get it. I’m worth it, but I get it.” I liked adding a bit of sass.
So we planned to meet this Saturday morning for a coffee. I’m having a party (assuming I’m better) on Friday night but no special guests are coming and staying over, and my son is still with my Mom, so why not?
I also got up to no good on FetLife. Let’s just say for something that isn’t a dating site, people still have a way to find you and hit on you. But I will save the details for another post.
Because… today, I got a good morning message from the Actor. We texted back and forth a bit and it was nice. He also followed up with me later when he was on a break. So that was nice.
But even crazier, I think I spoke to the dog-trainer for almost four hours today. Yes, I have barely a voice, and am coughing like crazy, but I managed it. We were texting back and forth in the morning and then he called me and we talked for 90 minutes. Then again two more times.
The conversations were seamless – they just flowed from one topic to the next. Everything from sex to photography to past relationships to the cost we pay for shoes. Turns out he’s also on FetLife. Is everybody? (And yes, that’s rhetorical). But he’s VERY easy to talk to. That doesn’t happen too often with me (not even with Andrew, actually…not that way).
So despite my reservations about his, ahem, assets, I kinda like him. At least as much as you can at first blush. But four hours of talking is equivalent a a couple of dates, right? I know the company he runs, and have seen the website. I saw his Facebook page (he wanted to show me some pics) and well, yeah, his OKCupid and FetLife pages too. So I know he’s a real dude.
He was also kindly interested in my son. Not in a weird way, but for example, when I talked about the fact that my son is in a chess club, he said – Oh! I love chess! I can play with him and I hope he doesn’t kick my ass! I couldn’t help but compare that to Andrew who had a hard rule about not introducing anyone to his child for 6 months (now, to be fair, I get where he’s coming from, but if I was someone for 6 months and then my kid didn’t like them? What the heck do you do then?)
Here’s the thing. When I engage like this with someone I start to get invested
quickly. I mean, I find him attractive, obviously the conversation flows and there is a mental connection, and we have some things in common. Now is when I start to ascribe additional hopes that are frankly completely unfounded at this point. We could have terrible physical chemistry, and the only way to know is to meet face-to-face.
So, what to do…
Well, you won’t be surprised at this: I invited him over to my place for a drink later tonight (I won’t be drinking as I’m on meds).
(And for the record, I KNOW I was supposed to just leave them all alone. I thought I was doing a good job at not engaging all but just a couple.)
You can expect a full report shortly.