I feel terribly unsettled when I should be excited (Part 1)

I was going to write more about Faraway Lover today, but some things have happened with Andrew that leave me, well, unsettled.

He was nice enough to pick me up from the airport when I arrived home (yes, for those of you keeping track – he dropped me off AND picked me up). To make sure he wasn’t just being nice, I gave him a couple of “outs” prior to the actual date. He didn’t bite, so it was a plan. We agreed he would sleep over at my place, and have the morning together as well.

While I was away we spoke almost every single night – Skyped, to be specific. He doesn’t like to text so each day there were only a couple of text messages here and there, but one day I didn’t hear from him all day until I texted him late in the evening. He’s a real estate agent so I know he’s often running around and on the road, but still.

One night I found the guts to tell him that I’d love to hear something from him – even if it’s just a good morning – so I know he’s thinking of me. The next morning I got a “good morning” and a picture. It was a nice thing.

Each night we spoke, he would tell me what he did each day. I am keenly aware that he still has his FWB relationship. At some points during my vacation, it occurred to me maybe he wasn’t seeing her anymore. Maybe he was trying to reassure me by being precise about what he did each day and night. I thought perhaps he needed to have her as a possibility, but he wasn’t acting on it.

Then one night we were both laying in our beds talking on Skype, and he seemed to get tired pretty damn quickly. He said goodnight right at 11pm. It felt off to me. I tried to convince myself I was just being silly.

The one night we didn’t Skype, I sent him a goodnight text and saw he didn’t read or respond. Not even the next morning, until I sent him a follow-up asking if he’d had a good night. By then I had worked myself into a lather, convinced he had spent the night with her. I started a blog post called “My pet peeves: non communication and other women” and as I was typing the first sentence, I heard back from him. He called me and said – oh how crazy, he fell asleep early.

I really tried to believe him, but there was still a doubt in my mind. I chalked it up to my paranoia, of being hypersensitive, of the trust issues I obviously have. I didn’t think he would lie to me – and I hadn’t backed him into a corner verbally.

The day I left, we chatted on the phone in the morning; me on the beach and him driving to meet a close friend for breakfast. He asked if I wanted to say hi when he picked him up – which I did. I thought this was a good sign – it was the second person in his life he had “introduced” me to.

When he picked me up at the airport he gave me a big passionate kiss, a squeeze on the ass, and a groan of pleasure. So far, so good. We drove to my house and made out briefly – just for a few minutes – before walking the 1 minute walk to the grocery store to get some lactose free milk for his coffee the next morning.

And my descent started there.

Problem #1 >> I wanted him to not be able to resist me. To put me on my couch and pull me to him and for us to have a quickie (or not) before going to the grocery store. He knew I was horny as hell – and I thought he had a similar appetite.

At the grocery store, I make light of the fact that he is kind of killing me with not fucking me first. I say something along the lines of it being 8 nights, which made me crazy. Then before I know it I’m saying something like “oh and aren’t men supposed to be even hornier than women? How can you survive 8 days?”

He says nothing.

There is some from-behind-whilst-standing-in-the-yoghurt-section groping, which feels awesome. I really like how he touches me.

Problem #2 >>Β  It flits ever so briefly through my brain in the moment, then comes back full force this morning in the wee hours, that a) duh, he probably hasn’t waited 8 days, because he’s still fucking his FWB, and b) it appeared as if I backed him into a verbal corner. I guess he doesn’t want to lie to my face.

We get back to my place and there is more kissing and groping in my kitchen, as I open a bottle of wine. We go upstairs to my bedroom. As I take a pause to brush the airplane food taste out of my mouth, he gets naked and when I return I find him in my bed. We talk for a bit and kiss and I decide to warm him up a bit – I go down on him and he’s making all the right noises but his cock is not responding as it should.

This is distressing at any time, but now the thoughts are really swirling.

I’m torn. Obviously, one doesn’t want to bring attention to any deficiency…I mean, after all, it does happen, and I figure that calling it out and causing more anxiety isn’t the right approach.

He tells me to get on my back. He puts his hands between my legs and quickly brings me to orgasm – I’m now able to get out of my head a bit. Until I realise he’s still not hard. He moves his cock between my legs, in and around my pussy, and that helps him get there.

We have sex for maybe 10 minutes – it’s good. We fit together well. Until he pauses and says he needs a break. He says he’s distracted and just needs to wind down from his non-stop day.

Problem # 3 >>What the fuck. I can’t get him hard? I can’t get him out of his own head? He doesn’t even want to help me get off some more? Wow. Did he fuck her this afternoon, is that why? Or is it something I did? Or both? But shit, I can’t exactly make this an issue…make him feel bad about it. Because nobody likes a woman who makes them feel inadequate.

So, we didn’t have sex again. We talked for a few more minutes, I tried as hard as I fucking could to not make an issue out of it, and he fell asleep.

My problems didn’t stop in the morning.

Part Two

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0 thoughts on “I feel terribly unsettled when I should be excited (Part 1)

  1. :-/ It really could be stress, but given the comment (and his lack of) in the grocery store, IDK. He would know more than anyone what he is or isn’t up to doing between partners, so maybe he wanted to try even if it was going to be doubtful?

    Maybe he feels suddenly like things are going too quickly? Even if, he should speak up.

    I think it has been established I have no idea WTF i am talking about but still, I feel your frustration.

    • I appreciate your thoughts, even if you don’t think you know WTF you are talking about. I have been challenged this past week with thinking I’m crazy for worrying about this stuff. So all perspectives are welcome.

      I’m writing part 2 now πŸ™‚

  2. Well, obviously I can’t like this post.
    You are very probably right, he probably did see her while you were away. And you shouldn’t let that annoy you, because he’s been clear from the get go that he may do it still, that he wasn’t breaking up with her.
    However, I would talk to him about it. Explain the fact that it felt to you as if he’d had sex with her that afternoon. Or that he didn’t fancy you that much. Either way, it didn’t feel too good for you.
    And that if he’d agreed to come and pick you up, when you gave him plenty of opportunities to not pick you up, you expected it to be about him wanting to see you as much as you wanted to see him. And that meant sexually as well. So if he went to have sex with someone else that afternoon, then it wasn’t really fair to you.
    And though you understand it’s not exactly an easy thing to say: I went to see my FWB to anyone, it felt even worse for you to wonder permanently whether that is what the reason is…
    In short: you need to communicate with him. And take it from there. You both seem pretty good at communicating, and he’s said that you should never try to change who you are for anyone. Well, that’s the best time to see how well this is going to work :-/

    Good luck. Big hugs.

    • And yes, I’m supposed to be working on my project right now, not reading and commenting on WP. Sigh! I guess I’m addicted!
      Let me get back to my work πŸ™‚

    • Communicating is a good thing; you are absolutely correct. I would love to be able to say something about it in a way that a) didn’t reinforce the fact that he had some issues staying in the sexual moment, and b) doesn’t make me sound too needy.

      I’m not sure I can accomplish that.

      • You are allowed to have needs. And some expectations. You can say that him agreeing to pick you up from the airport and spending the night with you let you hope that he was interested in you sexually, or that there would be sex. Because of how hot he made you feel on Skype. And that you felt your expectations weren’t fulfilled and you fear that it may be because of something you did or said that made him ambivalent about spending the night, but that ,given your history of men not being truthful to you, you cannot help but think it is because he had seen his FWB and didn’t dare tell you…
        Would that work? Then ask what his thoughts on that night were…

        • Well, I think you are on to something, but I feel the need to clarify two things – there was no ambivilence about him staying overnight. He brought an overnight bag. And we *did* have sex, just not a lot of it.

          But I do like the idea of using the situation to tell him about my anxiety of him seeing her in the same day (or recently), versus what the “real” issue was…

          • Have you ever agreed to something and then at the last minute were not so sure about it anymore? I know that’s how I felt at the altar almost 20 years ago πŸ˜‰
            That’s what I meant about ambivalence. That he had agreed to do spend the night, but then in the end didn’t really want to (for reasons that only he knows) and thus wasn’t very comfortable, hence the ‘issue’…
            And I do realize there was sex too. Just not the sort of sex you have been accustomed to with him…
            Now, from reading your post, I thought that you being unsure about him and whether he’d been with his FWB WAS the real issue. The ED was just a trigger… at least that’s how I read it πŸ˜‰
            Because let’s be honest, if it wasn’t for your uncertainty about the FWB, you would have talked about it already, wouldn’t you? There are so many reasons a man can have ED at any given time. He’s having too much on his mind, he is coming down with a cold, he is not 30 anymore, his prostate is playing tricks on him (and I’m sure I forget a few!)… But your mind took you to his FWB immediately. Because that’s where YOUR issue lies…
            I think it is good to ask him why there was a problem, just as I think I would have liked someone to ask me why I was anorgasmic. If it was something they did or some other issue.
            I don’t know. I’m just trying to figure things out just as much as you do, I am far from being an expert on relationships, if you consider that for now, almost all of mine have failed horribly! Please forgive my ramblings!

          • Nothing to forgive at all… I appreciate your ramblings quite a bit.

            We did talk about what was making him distracted, and he said it was work stuff, but it just didn’t sit right. You are totally right that it is my issue. I could take it at face value, but something tells me that’s not the whole story.

            Now, one thing I know I missed saying is that he has ADHD and has meds for it. He even mentioned this morning (when we talked about it again) that perhaps, since the meds have only a 12 hour life, it caused him to not be able to focus on the sex.

            So it is possible it’s all on the up-and-up… but I know I still don’t feel good, so I need to figure out a way to feel better.

          • I think you meant a 12 hour half life (sorry for being picky here πŸ˜‰ ). Does he usually take two tablets a day?
            What I take from this is that you did talk about it already. Which sounds pretty good to me πŸ™‚
            It is also possible that he doesn’t know the whole story himself. I had no idea whay I was anorgasmic. I mean, if you ask any of the men I’ve been with since my ex (and that would be quick as there were only two really), they would tell you that I was already very sensual (or maybe reactive would be a better word?) while still anorgasmic. And I had no idea what made me be like that. It was quite frustrating for me actually, because I had no idea on what to do to fix it!
            And if we talk about my ex, I know that he has no idea why he doesn’t feel good. But he’s not really interested in finding why, for most of our marriage I was always the reason he didn’t feel happy… he wasn’t interested in finding out why. He still blames me for wrecking our marriage and family, and everything is my fault!

            This said, I couldn’t agree more with your last statement. If you don’t feel good, you need to figure out a way to feel better. πŸ™‚

          • Ah, well what I meant was that the drug only lasts for 12 hours. So I guess a 6 hour half-life?

            It’s very true – he may not know….all the more reason I’m hesitant to bring it up. But knowing me, I will have to, at some point. Just need to figure out how to do it in a way I’m comfortable with.

            Exes suck. I just got back from a visit with mine and he inspired a post, with just a short visit.

          • I’m sorry, your last statement made me laugh!
            I try very hard not to see my ex. Since he blames everything on me, those visits are just way too unpleasant. I’m done being bullied! BUT, I suppose I’ll have to stand it for a little while soon enough, as we’re going to see a judge about the first part of our divorce… Please give me strength!
            I’m looking forward to reading that post, I can use a laugh… and knowing you I just may get one! And if I don’t get a laugh, at least I’ll get the reassurance that I’m not alone, and that is invaluable!

            The half life (and sorry if I go into a pharmaceutical lecture here) is the time it takes for half of the molecule to be eliminated by the body. (or at least, we’ll only talk about that biological half life, because there is a radiological one, but it’s none of our concern here). So a 12 hours half life means that half of the medication has gone. Meaning the dose may be too low for the meds to have any effect. But it would take much more than 24 hours to get rid of every trace of the molecule, since in the next 12 hours, half of the molecules present in the body will disappear, leaving… 25% still πŸ™‚
            I’m sure you catch the mathematical trend here (considering how you played LSAM’s game), so I won’t go into it any further.
            I’m pretty sure what he meant was that the drug’s half life is 12 hours, because that’s wha is stated routinely on medication leaflets and that’s the unit used by doctors and pharmacists.
            Again, the next question is the dose that has an effect on him, so the fact all of the molecules haven’t disappeared yet doesn’t mean that the medication is still effective. If it makes sense. I’m just saying this so that you don’t believe that he’s pulling your leg about it being a possible reason. I have no idea how those meds affect erection or libido, if they do at all.

            And I would not be reluctant to bring it up. I wouldn’t recomment forcing it upon him, but even if he doesn’t know doesn’t mean that discussing it won’t be helpful for either one of you. Who knows, maybe that discussion with you is what will help him figure out what it actually is that was bothering him that day!

          • Hey i learned something today! Thanks!

            He wasnt saying it affected his libido, but his ability to focus. It was just a theory – he wondered aloud if that could have been it.

          • Oh, you’re most welcome! I am the girl who everyone hated upon in school because I cannot help but correct misconceptions when I see them… Sigh! I guess I haven’t changed much in 30 years πŸ˜‰
            I suppose youare right, libido and ability to focus are slightly different… but if you can’t focus on sex, do you really want it? I’m pretty sure even with ADHD, if you want something bad enough, you can focus on it long enough to get satisfaction… Or maybe that’s a misconception of mine :-/

          • Though you also need to remember that him not wanting you enough *then* doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you enough in general… πŸ™‚

  3. Ann, you have so much swirling around in that mind of yours. Remember, these “problems” come with the situation and it soinds as though Andrew isn’t willing to make the same leap forward that you so clearly need (or want, at least) at this point. I feel for you and this situation. My God, woman! You have needs that are so far beyond what you have at present.

    Thinking of you and wanting to hug you.

      • No one ever knows that in the beginning! The only thing that can be obvious quickly is if someone is definitely NOT relationship material. The rest? Pfff! You have to give it a try πŸ™‚

        • Ah! You use my word (Pfft) against me πŸ™‚

          It’s true, actually, and there are many things we agree on. So it’s not obvious to me he’s NOT someone I could spend some time with. But nor do I feel any crazy butterflies. Which of course worries me that maybe I won’t every feel them again.

          • No, no, no, I don’t use any word AGAINST you! I’m on your side in this, even if from a selfish perspective: if I can learn from others’ experiences, maybe I won’t have to make the same mistakes. And then, the same goes the other way round πŸ˜‰
            Ah, the lack of crazy butterflies may be linked to the fact you’re just coming out of a long and meaningful relationship and you’re still hurting. Allowing butterflies to take flight means opening yourself up to hurt again. And that is something you may not be ready for just yet… It doesn’t mean much in my opinion. But again, I could be mistaken! πŸ˜‰

      • Sorry sweetie.

        He may not be. But that certainly doesn’t mean that you aren’t relationship material. You clearly are in your heart!

  4. Is it possible he sensed your anxiety, jealousy and possessiveness and got a little scared? It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you (it seems to me he respects and enjoys you a great deal), but maybe your desire to have him be yours alone is pushing some buttons.

  5. Sorry to hear this, Ann. I can’t imagine anyone being able to resist you but obviously he’s going through something. Don’t take it personally. You’re a fox!
    Men, right?

    • Shoot – a lot going on here. He wouldn’t have picked you up if he wasn’t interested. The non answer probably indicated he did see her only because he has told you about her. It’s a tough call to say something or nothing. Both lanes are tough to navigate. Maybe he was just tired, I always worry about non-responsive cock too. Since you are so much better at control than I, my suggestion would be to quietly ride it out a bit. See where his head is at before making anymore presumptions. He’s been pretty open thus far.

      • Yes. It’s a challenge to bring it up because I’m not sure I can do it without making him feel bad about the situation, or sounding needy (which admittedly I am, but nobody likes that).

  6. Ann, I would suggest letting this slide. He likes you enough to communicate frequently and pick you up from the airport. Obviously he’s not ready to be exclusive, so you need to decide if you can live with that. Knowing what a sexual woman you are probably enhanced his lack of performance issues. I’m interested in the second part of this story….you always tell an excellent story.

    • First of all, I’m glad you like my stories πŸ™‚

      He’s as sexual as I am, so I doubt my sexuality contributed to his performance issues.

      I know that if he didn’t like me, he wouldn’t be spending the kind of time that he is with me. He said as much in prior conversations – that with his FWB, there are no long chats over dinner, for example.

      So perhaps it is that the way he shows I’m special is by spending non-sexual time with me. Perhaps he’s not fussed about not having sex for hours because to him, that’s not the important stuff. And here I am getting all fussed that he’s not hyper sexual with me.

      I think I just had a brain wave. Thanks Maggie πŸ™‚

  7. I do think men also need what we women often do; that we aren’t as different as we sometimes think. I know that in my case, when a man just goes straight for the gold, it’s a huge turnoff (but again, that’s me). I want him to express restraint. I want a man in control of himself, and who also wants to savor my mind. Could it be he feels similarly about women? Maybe he would like a little more anticipation or nurturing?

    I say all this with respect: different strokes for different folks, and perhaps you did give him that! Regardless, you are clearly beautiful just as you are, and someone is fit for you and your perfect needs. That’s what I believe for myself, anyway, and it totally relaxes me (for now….;).

    Looking forward to your second installment!

    • Thanks Jami – I just responded to Maggie with something similar. I think perhaps that his way of showing that he likes and respects me is through the non-sex time we have…he told me that he doesn’t have the long conversations with his FWB…that I’m different in that regard.

      So yes, all that to say, I think you are on to something.

  8. Oh my.

    I know this has been said in comments above, but I thought I should re-iterate it.

    You really do need to figure out if you can deal with his other FWB arrangement or not. It’s going to eat you up inside if you can’t and keep going seeing him.

    The fact that he makes time for you outside of the bedroom should tell you that he does enjoy your company and wants you to be involved in his life. Whether he has been fucking the other girl shouldn’t really make much of a difference – especially since he’s dedicating to much of his non-sexual times with you too. I’m assuming his FWB doesn’t get picked up from the airport, etc.

    I think you just need to figure out if you can do this Ann. For someone who isn’t used to sharing it’s really really hard and it will test your limits. But ultimately you need to figure out if you can or can’t keep seeing him especially since he doesn’t seem to want to give up his FWB on the side. Making a man choose is never a good place to be. I hate ultimatums in that regard.

    • Yeah, I don’t want to give him an ultimatum, especially because it’s not as if I know I want a serious relationship with him.

      I can’t pretend I’m not sharing, and I don’t want to share. I write about this in Part Two, but if the sex didn’t have a hiccup, I don’t think I’d be having these issues right now. Perhaps it’s just a one time thing, but it definitely got me thinking.

      • Well that’s good that you don’t.

        I understand all too well with the whole sex failing thing. My ex used to have something similar when I was back in my 20’s and it filled me with all kinds of anxiety about myself and my own sexuality.

        I guess the only way to really find out is actually formulating a way to ask him without it coming across in all the wrong ways? Like, I realize that this kind of thing happens with guys but at the same time I’d like to let you know how I’m feeling just so you can reassure me that I’m not being a craycray nutjob – for example? Which is probably what I’d say if I were in your shoes because I would feel like I was going spare πŸ™‚

          • Well all have our own brands of crazy.

            If it scares him then you’ve saved yourself some heartache.

            Eventually you’re going to have to take that leap, if only to save yourself some mental anguish!


          • Sharn has the approach nailed. The thing I would be concerned about is how some men possess such amazing abilities to present themselves as something other than who they really are. Then, when your heart and head are taken, the rug is magically and tragically pulled and things come crashing down. Why would Andrew want to do or say anything other than what you want to hear?

            I may be overly cautious (pessimistic?) but I couldn’t fathom being in this situation, Ann. My heart hurts for you.

          • Well, he’s not like that – he’s said plenty to me that I don’t want to hear. He doesn’t take the easy road and he’s not a player.

            What he is, is an intense guy who is rightfully nervous of serious relationships. His FWB’s fill a sexual need, but he wants more. He has been out of his marriage for 6 years, so he is in a different place than I.

            He told me the first time we spoke on the phone, after I told him I wasn’t sure that I wanted a relationship, that he was looking for one.

          • Obviously, I am not privy to (or missed that part entirely) those details of your phone call. I am just leary of people and the potential for hidden motives snd games.

  9. Hmmmm, I have to say it really sounds like you are over thinking what happened and making more of it than you should. Look at it this way, you had *expectations* and they were not met from the get go. You wanted to be taken first thing when you got to your place and when you didn’t get what you wanted it all started to go downhill. I’m guessing the doubts started manifesting from the start and just like you can pick up and read body language so can he and maybe he did.

    Also, I know you’ve attempted to explain why you need your side of the relationship open but any person you are with you need to be closed and to be honest, I just don’t get it. Not that I need to because that is between you and the person you are in a relationship with, but you’re not… yet… in a relationship with him so it confuses me even more the feelings of jealousy you are having.

    When I was in the beginning stages of attempting to open my marriage up, I did sooooooo much research and reading on the subject. Especially in regards to jealousy and the ways I might be able to minimize that feeling for my husband. I came across this great piece and I can’t help but think it might be of help somehow.


    And if it isn’t, know I’m sending virtual hugs your way. πŸ™‚

    • I will definitely check out that article – thank you.

      Yes, you are probably correct about the downward spiral from the beginning of the evening.

      One thing to clarify – and I thought I said it before but perhaps it was in response to someone else: I do not generally expect to be open when someone else is closed. I am not seeking out others at this point, nor will I, unless something changes with the relationship with Andrew.

      And I’m not jealous of his FWB, per se. I don’t worry that she’s smarter, or more successful, or that he wants a relationship with her in the same way he might with me. He’s even said there is no comparison with the sex.

      This was all triggered by the fear that because he was with her, he couldn’t give me what I needed physically. I don’t feel special or particularly desired.

      • I may have very well missed that or even assumed as much from everything else I had read that, that was the kind of arrangement you were looking for.

        I suppose you’ll have to take some time to decide if you want to ask him to give you his all or nothing at all. Seeing how you two are in different places though, that might not be a very realistic request to make. :/

    • I’m behind on this story (wow! 74 comments! Where have I been?) Ann, I have similar manifestations of anxiety and I am never sure if things go downhill before or after I start doubting everything about myself.

      ‘Tis, I’m going to read your article. Thanks for sharing it.


  10. Hi girl. I’m gonna be blunt. And I am rarely blunt. But here it goes.

    You do not need to be in any kind of a relationship with a man (faux, FWB, boyfriend, whatever) if there is another woman (or worse women) involved. You are too competitive. It will eat away at you. And you have enough going on in your life without that.


    • OMG I brought out your blunt? Colour me shocked πŸ˜‰

      I couldn’t agree with you more, Marian. I told him I couldn’t do it, but didn’t give him an ultimatum – because it’s early to do so, basically. I wanted to give myself some time to even see if he’s worth it. No point asking him to do something he doesn’t want to do, just to turn around and tell him I’m done with him.

      But if I feel like it’s impacting the sex he and I have? Then I can’t do it even in the short term, even if I know it’s probably not the case, as you put it, I have enough going on.

      I need to process for a day then figure out what I’m going to say to him.

  11. Youre getting so much good advice here, don’t ya just love the wp community!

    My 2 cents:
    *As much as you may think you’re hiding your stress/anxiety, its probably visible.
    *Don’t rush. Rebounds get the full force of our crazy, we either use them with no emotion or go from 0 to 100 in the emotional attachment in a split second. Thats life. Like you said he may not even be a good partner for you, so just enjoy his company and try to take it slow.
    *If you really can’t handle that he still has a fwb at x amount of months in, maybe just cut your losses and move on. If someone new was eager to date me but didn’t like the idea of me having a fwb, well that’d be a hard conversation. Im poly, he may be too. It’d be hard to give up something good and comfortable for someone you don’t quite know yet.
    *Sometimes the Wang doesn’t want to play. There’s a multitude of reasons for this, and sleeping with the fwb may not be it.

    Everything will be fixed one way or another with a conversation πŸ™‚

    Bet ya he didn’t know all this was coming when he had the threesome! Haha! But I’ve said this to you before – its either going to work or it isn’t. Best to just lay out your cards, discuss his and see if they match up πŸ™‚

    • I think I’ve found a way to take it slower…have just written about it. And yes, this is all very good advice.

      Totally agree on giving things up. I think you are right – it’s his comfort and security.

      And no – this is NOT what I thought would happen after that threesome!

  12. I find my own self esteem wrapped up far too much in how much (or little) I turn a man on that I am seeing. Your thoughts are exactly what I would have been going thru. The truth is (and it’s a harsh one I have to remind myself of) it’s not always about me. Sometimes men can hard with the breeze and sometimes all the sucking in the world doesn’t do it. It’s easy to come to a logical conclusion that it might not be about me/you when I’m not in the moment, but in the there and now, it can be very defeating. I hope you come to a healthy conclusion with this. I think his wanting to be WITH you says far more than his wanting to fuck you. For now. If it continues, reassess. Good luck either way.

  13. Awwww. I’d say you need a good spanking to clear your head, but I’m not getting the impression he’d be the one to provide it. I hate jumping to conclusions, but if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck… Maybe just talking about it would clear the air?

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