Newsflash: I am not infallible

It’s unusual for me to stare at this WordPress page and not know where to begin. But I don’t.

I’m exhausted after having two intense and unpleasant conversations with fellow bloggers this evening. I have to be up early for work, and I have no time or energy now to sit with a glass of wine and write at length about what has transpired – what I have been told and what I think about it.

I was told tonight that I’ve hurt many people via my blog and my comments. Frankly, any number other than zero is unacceptable, so the definition of “many” is irrelevant. I was also told I was a fraud.

So I need to say this:

I am not infallible. Nor do I think I am.

I am no expert in love, or relationships, or marriage. If I was, I would still be married. Or at least happily coupled. What I do have is some statistically significant experience, and a desire to hopefully help others avoid similar pain. If I have commented on your blog and left you with the impression I think I’m better, or unsympathetic to your situation? Please know that is not the case, and I am sorry.

I don’t consider myself to be the arbiter of blogs, writers, or what anyone chooses to write. I have opinions, often strong ones, and on occasion I write about them. To those of you I hurt by writing about those opinions, I am truly sorry.

I was told this evening that my words have power and meaning – and I don’t always remember that. At times I am quick and careless. I forget that you can’t hear my intonation as I write, and you can’t know my motivation for saying what I do.Β  You don’t know when it’s in jest, or sarcasm, or a (failed) attempt at wit. So the short form of comments doesn’t do me any favours, when I am already strong-opinioned and forthright and often forge ahead without thinking.

Last but not least, I make mistakes. Some are really big ones.

But the last thing I want to say is about honesty. Being called a fraud hurt me very deeply.

I want to make sure I set the record straight.

A couple of months ago I wrote about lying on blogs. Some readers loved it and some were hurt by it. While inspired by several things I had witnessed over time, it was also about me. So I made sure in the post to say that I also engage in those various forms of deceit.

I’ve written 310 posts on this blog, a total of maybe 300,000 words. There are a couple of things on my blog that are outright lies. That’s still at least 99% true (297,000 words, if you are doing the math).

There are also some things I have yet to share. I have my reasons, but I promise you it does not call into question the premise of who I am or what I choose to write about. In other words, I’m not holding back that I’m actually a man, or this is all fiction, or that I’m 20, or anything like that. Being true to myself and my blog is very important to me. I think of this as an online journal, with the bonus of a very supportive and engaging chorus.

But there are things that can take a while to process and to write. Sometimes because the truth is exceedingly hard to face. I’m getting there.

I hope you will stick with me, in all my flawed glory (BTW, “glory” was sarcasm). Some have chosen to leave, and that makes me sad – especially if it was because of how I made them feel. But I will continue to be imperfect and make mistakes – plenty. I guess the one thing you can count on is at some point, I will likely write about them.

0 thoughts on “Newsflash: I am not infallible

  1. I am sorry you hurt. I hope you get to sleep reasonnably well.
    I understand how to have hurt someone or be called a fraud would hurt. It would hurt me deeply if I were told those things too.
    I am like you. Stating what I think needs to be said at a given time. But I always mean well, even of I don’t always succeed.
    I think it’s good for those people they left if they don’t like what you write any more. They may still meet you here and there and I hope for everyone those meetings are at least civil.
    Let me just say that I enjoy your posts and honesty. We have similar journeys, so I understand all too well how difficult it is to figure things out for yourself.
    I try not to lie. At least, I don’t lie to my readers any more than I lie to myself. I know you do the same πŸ™‚
    Hugs. We will go through this too πŸ™‚

    • Thank you Dawn. I like your words “dont lie any more than i lie to myself”.

      I will get through this but it was distressing to hear. Especially in this world where its not like – in most cases – I even know who I have wronged.

      • Just a thought, brought on by your words. Maybe, just maybe, these people are tired of the lies of blogworld in general, needed to protect anonymity? Maybe they’re really tired of their own lies, but it came out as them being angry at you rather than at themselves? Now they’ll probably be angry at me πŸ˜‰
        Oh wait, they stopped following, I may be safe yet πŸ˜‰
        Bottom line, what I’m trying to say is: we’re all trying to do the best for ourselves, even if we don’t know the reasons why or if we inadvertently hurt others in the process πŸ™‚

        • I am loathe to ascribe any motivation to others as it always gets us into trouble. I’ve been on the receiving end of that lately and it’s not a great thing.

          People felt judged by me and took it personally, when my words were a blend of many things, including my own self-investigation. Sure, there are things I have “seen” that I don’t like, deceit that bothers me, but we all engage in varying degrees of it.

          I hit a nerve with that post, obviously. And others as well. But they are only ever my own opinion.

          • You are very right.
            I too sometimes go into self-reflection in my comments. And sometimes forget to qualify it as such. I can only hope the people I say that to understand where I come from and don’t judge me for more than being self-reflecting on their page…

            I like what a lot of others have said. This is your place, your house. People who don’t like your house don’t need to come and viit it. Now, if they feel like you overstayed your welcome at their house (for whatever reason, as you said, their perception may not be yours, but it is their reality), then all you can do is say sorry, and leave.

            But as you said, their reality is theirs, it doesn’t have to become yours. And you are allowed to write freely on your blog. I haven’t known you that long, but I certainly never had the i,pression you were a fraud. And I must just get your wit (I wish I had the same πŸ˜‰ ), so it doesn’t bother me that much… πŸ˜‰
            I hope you feel better soon.

  2. I haven’t been reading your blog for a long time. Just started in fact, but I don’t see a reason why someone would say those things. It’s bollocks! Don’t worry. You are great and your stories are great, too and we are all enjoying reading your blog!

    • I very much appreciate your comments and glad you are enjoying reading. The thing is, perception is reality – even when that perception is false. While a few of my relationships are likely forever gone, I wanted to try to limit any future misconception!

  3. We all make mistakes. We can easily be offended when we fail to look beyond our tiny little world. I have offended my share of people on Facebook and in person when I simply have conversations with friends and especially family.

    Try not to worry about those who won’t bother to clear things up with you. They were probably offended before you ever posted to your blog. πŸ˜‰

    Sleep well, sweetie!

    • Thank Savannah.

      Johnny actually said to me – after the one post that hurt a few – that one of the things he loved about me was that I didn’t take the easy road and I spoke my mind. The reality is, however, people felt judged by me. They felt I portrayed myself as being better than others… which is not how I have ever felt.

      • There are times when I read your blog posts and feel a little intimidated by some of the things that write. I don’t take it personally but based upon what I have had to deal with, I can understand how easily certain people can be offended or feel hurt. Because of that, I fund myself trying to be sensitive to others and in doing so, I am overly apologetic. I hate being the one who sets others off.

        I don’t sense that you feel that you are better than others. Your confidence (which suits you well in your career) may be perceived as an aire of superiority.

        All of this still boils down to the audience you are communicating with or to. You do a fairly good job at describing your position throughout your posts but the challenge for your readers is that they don’t follow you in the same linear format that you have written them in. The context is not there for them and they don’t take the time to read through 300,000 words in order to understand your perspective. It is far easier to judge you through their experiences and issues.

        Will struggles with this and I am expecting some of the same since I started (or at least I am attempting to start) blogging.

  4. Oh Ann. I see now what you mean.

    I’m sorry that you were pulled up and called a fraud (you? really? )

    You are truthful on your blog, as you should be as much as you want to be. We all remember things different, we gloss over hurts that we don’t really want other’s to know the depths of. Some people don’t like baring all the world every single time. What you write is what you write.

    I don’t understand why people would get upset at that. I’m sure I come across as short and abrupt too. But honestly, sometimes I’m on my phone and don’t have time to write a huge response. It’s the nature of the internets being in your back pocket.

    Huge hugs to you, I wish I could offer you some of my happy sore feels. But instead I’ll send you virtual hugs and love as always.

    <3 xx

    • Thanks Honey!!

      I know there have been several times where I have used short form or try to be witty / sarcastic but know it probably doesn’t translate. If someone writes something that hurts me in some way, I try to talk to them about it and suss out the rationale / background etc. Often I have misread or assumed where I shouldn’t.

      Even if I don’t like the perception some others have of me, to them it is the reality. We love patterns and once we believe something to be true, we will see the things that reinforce that belief and ignore the things that don’t. It’s how our brains work, and unfortunately it’s very hard to overcome.

      and yes, I’d love to have some of those sore feels xo

  5. The only reason I “liked” this was because it came from a very honest place. If it helps at all for anyone who reads Ann’s comments…I can definitely confirm she is NOT a man nor is she someone I would consider a “liar.” You are beautiful, you are blonde, you are you and that is enough. <3

  6. I’m sorry you’ve taken this to heart. I’ve been blogging for a long time and trust me, if you stick at it, unfortunately you’ll be called a lot worse than that, and if you let it get to you, it’s likely to become a really negative experience.

    If they are people you consider e-friends, or you’ve really hurt someone, then I can understand your concern. It’s a good thing to be the kind of person to examine your behaviours and apologise if necessary.

    If they are the ubiquitous ‘strangers on the internet’, who cares what they think? I don’t mean that I’m immune to people saying mean things to me, I know it’s horrible, but if they think I’m a man, a liar, a fraud, or some other thing, I know they’re wrong, I shrug and I go about my day.

    And then there are some people think I’m a sexist pervert reject fuckbag piece of shit, so you know, there’s that *laugh*.

    Ferns

    • Thank you Ferns.

      I take things to heart because these were not anonymous individuals. These are people who know me, to varying degrees. So their perceptions – although flawed – are their reality.

      And I hate the thought of hurting people.

  7. Omg Ann, this is awful. I feel like you’re the opposite of a fraud, you bare all pretty bluntly. A fraud lies for a purpose, a gain. But there’s no real gain here, you just want to share your thoughts like the rest of us.

    I’m not sure why anyone would go against you like that, its your blog and your opinions, its fine to disagree but upsetting you and calling you a fraud is a few steps beyond that.

    We can’t help how we feel, what we think and what we do/like/dislike. Its just us, we’re all different. There’s always going to be people that don’t like us, people that don’t agree with us, trolls and argumentative types, but Ann – don’t stop being you for the sake of someone else. The rest of us don’t know what all the fuss is about, we’re sticking with ya sunshine! Xo

    • Thank you!! I will continue to be me and write about not only my life but occasionally, my beliefs as well – and sometimes those beliefs are unpopular, and I’m okay with that.

      I write from a place of real honesty, even if there are a couple of things I still haven’t written about – partly because of me, and partly because of others.

      I don’t want to speak for those who think I have wronged them, but since they are unlikely to comment here, the common opinion was that I have judged others but didn’t turn that lens on myself, and made myself out to be super human somehow. So, it’s the perception, and all I can do at this point is hear it, try to rectify where I feel it’s necessary, apologise, and move on.

  8. I am sorry you are feeling like this. This is supposed to be your space, so you can share but also work through things. Sorry (not) if people don’t get that.

    I have had my feelings hurt many times by other bloggers’ words. I am over it, and rather than confront them I either ignore or write about the feelings themselves.

    Not to sound clichΓ©d or whatever, but you can only be yourself on here. People can read or stop, causing an argument says more on them than you.

    ((hugs))

    • I’ve been hurt or challenged by lots of other blogs as well. But I don’t like to hurt others, ever. And I don’t do it intentionally.

      I will only be myself because I’m not sure how to be anyone else πŸ™‚

  9. Just been catching up on your posts after not reading for a week or two. Thrown back a bit to hear you’ve been told some upsetting stuff by fellow bloggers. Although I’m hardly one of your most loyal readers, for the small time I have been reading I can tell you’re one of the most genuine, heart-on-page bloggers out there. Especially in your latest posts- you have a lot on your mind and in your heart, being accused of this kind of stuff is the last thing you need to be dealing with.

    Well, I hope you’re okay, and remember for every negative comment out there, there’s 100’s of positive ones in your favour. As the comment above says, you can only be yourself. This is YOUR space, and you should never feel to be belittled or victimised for saying exactly what you want to say. The internet is a cruel place at times, and people like to be able to hide behind words on a screen to get the dark side of themselves out at someone else’s expense.

    But hold your head up high, because I, and lots of other people, think you’re rather fabulous. πŸ™‚

    • That was a very kind comment; thank you so much.

      I will be fine, absolutely. Unfortunately I think those who I’ve hurt would say I was the one that made the internet a cruel place – which was never my intention. But perception is reality, so all I can do is apologize, try to explain, and forge ahead.

  10. Someone once asked me to stop commenting on their site. I said something that disagreed with them. It’s terrible when it happens but if you engage yourself in a discussion with hundreds of total strangers, you’re bound to ruffle a few feathers. Not everyone is going to ‘get’ you. The people who are rattled should stay away. So simple.

    My God. Who has the time to be so deeply involved with blogging that it negatively impacts your life? I wish things were going so well for me that I had the room to let blogging spoil my day.

    • I went through a period where things really bothered me here – what I saw, knew, read, etcetera. That some commenters would stop talking to me but I saw them elsewhere. Examples of bad human behavior. Not that I was any different, but that kind of thing.

      It was exacerbated by a lot of other stuff I was going through – and this felt like high school and a very small world. I did have a blogging friend take some time to ask me why one particular thing bothered me so much. We explored it, and it was helpful introspection.

      My writing here has become very important to me – it’s helped me immensely in the past year – so yeah, there are times when it impacts my real life, no question.

      I realized that I shouldn’t have higher expectations here than I do in real life. There will be people I don’t like, and who don’t like me. That people will have a perception of me based on my writing and my comments and that, no matter how much I try to be exactly like I am in real life, there are still nuances that don’t come across.

      I will still write whatever the heck I feel like on my blog, but I will try to be a bit more careful in my comments moving forward.

      • Don’t start censoring your comments! That’s a terrible idea! Because here’s the thing…no matter how careful you are, at some point, you’re going to annoy/hurt/insult someone. Best to be yourself and ride the tiger.

        Your blog will dash your expectations just like real life does. What are you going to do? Quit blogging? I’d like to see you try.

        • Well, I don’t know that I can censor, but I can avoid writing something on blogs where I don’t know the blogger well and am unsure whether they would welcome my perspective.

          Although I like the notion of “riding the tiger”.

          I did briefly entertain the notion last night of making my whole blog private, or shutting it down, but I can’t imagine doing that right now. What I can do is try to avoid these entanglements.

  11. I’m sorry to hear you are having issues with fellow bloggers and readers. You are completely right about the inflection of our words in writing. It is a shame that we cannot avoid hurting people’s feelings, it can’t be helped sometimes. But unless you purposely called the individuals out and directed anything you wrote specifically towards them, I fail to see how they can find fault. It is after all your personal blog journal.
    You are not beholden to write to please the masses. I hope you get resolution and won’t let this deter you.
    And like diirrty said, tell email to fuck off.

    • The only bloggers I’ve written specifically about was Johnny and a couple of the others I’ve met in person. Any of the things I’ve written on my opinions, including the liars post, were inspired by many things, including my own experience, and nothing should have been taken specifically as addressed to anyone.

      But people felt judged by me, and believed that I have put myself up as some kind of super person who is above fault. Which is definitely not true. But it’s their perception.

      I definitely don’t write to please the masses. I will sometimes now write posts for my readers (like summary posts), but generally I only write for me. It’s been incredibly cathartic…and having supporting readers like you has been awesome.

  12. Ann, you have a strong, articulate voice. We all can see the confident, smart, caring woman behind that voice. To read your blog is to understand you are on a journey. If someone is misunderstanding your comments, particularly after one-on-one clarification and perhaps apologies on your part, they have other issues/concerns unrelated to you. I always believe if an apology and/or explanation is sincerely offered, the matter is over.

    Hugs to you. You have been in an unrelenting shit storm of late.

  13. Dear Ann,

    Have you ever wondered why a boring, middle-aged married woman like me keeps coming back to you and your site? I’m here because of your authentic voice and honesty. We are two completely different people, but I think we both strive to be authentic and real. I’d be hurt, too.

    There’s another piece to this though and it’s something I learned from Brene’ Brown in her book “The Gifts of Imperfection.” She spoke a lot about owning and telling our stories BUT, that not everyone deserves to hear and know our stories. You have the right to share or no share. As you stated, this is your diary.
    There’s a favorite quote of mine from Brene’ that you might like as well:
    β€œDon’t try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer.”
    ― BrenΓ© Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

    πŸ™‚

  14. Hang in there, Anne. I guess that this sort of thing is inevitable when you have so many followers. We all make mistakes. It’s when we admit it that we should be forgiven.

    • And btw, I know I’ve fudged the truth sometimes too…it’s hard when you want to protect yourself or those you know read the things you write. I will try harder to be brave and be 100% honest.

      • I think the challenge is that as we make personal connections through our blogs, then suddenly we have other things to consider when we write.

        For someone who goes for as much honesty as I can possibly bear on my blog, it means sometimes I have to make a decision to modify my approach slightly. But it shouldn’t call into question the entire premise of my writing.

  15. Ann, you’re a good person. Please don’t let someone who doesn’t have the psychological perspective to understand the difference between an online conversation and more fully developed social relationships in their lives get you down. This is your blog. It’s your voice. You have a right to express yourself in the way that works for you (with the only exception that one should not purposefully try to cause harm to another person). For every person who takes offense, there’s a hundred of us who support you!

  16. Those are pretty strong words and I can understand why hearing something like that would sting and surprise. If they are a close blogger friend, then maybe reach out privately to clear the air if YOU feel like you need or even want too.

    But quite frankly, this is your space, this your home, this is your journal/diary whatever you want and need it to be. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. You continue doing what you are doing for YOU!!! That is what this is all about anyway, right?

    You don’t owe anyone an explanation or apology for being you, no matter who you want that to be in this little slice of heaven known as your blog. πŸ™‚

    Hugs Ann!

    xo

    • ‘Tis (aka my partner in games and competition)…thank you.

      This was actually what I wrote after the air was cleared and I was told some very blunt things about how I was perceived, which is their truth. So I can try to explain, and apologize for hurting, and move on.

      I am not going to change who I am or what I write about – because yes, this is my space and it’s about me. I can be more careful with comments, as I seem to have left some negative impressions beyond my own space. Although I just wish that anyone who I made to feel bad would have raised it with me – because it would not have been my intention.

      But I also know that once we believe something to be true about someone, we see only the things that reinforce that belief, and ignore evidence to the contrary. It’s just how our brains are wired. So in some ways, it is near impossible for someone to see me a different way.

      Hugs right back. xo

      • My opinion on people that are not willing to step outside themselves to see beyond their own two feet is that they are self limiting and you are right in that once their opinion is made up, no matter what evidence is presented to them they will only see what they want to see.
        I have a mixed reputation in the workplace. I’m either loved or feared. Some people are absolutely terrified of me, to the point they even tell me I scare them. When I ask them, β€œwhy do I scare you?” I usually get a blank stare and an β€œI don’t know”. At first it bothered me, but then someone was finally able to explain to me why. They said it’s because I am intimidating, because nothing seems to rattle OR scare me. They witness me getting the job done and if that requires me to go all the way up to the top than I do. I just don’t look at the CEO any differently than I do the janitor. They both have jobs to do and if one of them is getting in the way of me getting my job done then by all means they are going to hear about it from me. For some reason, that directness shocks and scares people but what they fail to realize is that direct doesn’t mean I’m detached, being strong doesn’t mean I’m not sympathetic, being intimidating doesn’t mean I’m immune or heartless. Anyway, I see a lot of similarities in you too…

        • Yes, I see similarities too…especially when you describe how you are in the workplace.

          I also think that it can be hard to see people’s evolution at times (we see them as they started, not as they are today), or know when someone is just having a shitty day / week / month. I certainly have moments when I’m at my best and careful and kind, and then other days when I’m stressed and careless and snarky.

          I think when people can see you as the whole person, and see those exceptions as what they are, that is a great thing.

  17. Dealing with anonymous, keyboard commandos can get to anyone at one point or another. Take their criticism, and file it under “acknowledge and move on”. It may seem easier said than done, but you must realize that when someone criticizes you, it’s not a reflection of you, but their own insecurities.
    I enjoy your writing because of the rawness and vulnerability that you express. Please don’t allow the opinion of a few people change anything about that.

    • Nothing will change my posts, not to worry. I will probably be more careful with my comments on blogs where I don’t know the blogger very well.

      And just to clarify, these weren’t anonymous criticisms… which yeah, I would have totally discounted.

  18. Who could you possibly have hurt? Johnny?
    At any rate, your words have power, for certain, but you wield that power in the pursuit of pleasure and enlightenment, nothing more.

    My advice?
    Ignore these people and carry on with your life as a mom/blogger/sex kitten and all-around good egg.
    Or else.
    Be well, my friend. Always.

  19. Well screw them and the horse they rode in on!

    Let’s get real here, people like yourself pour your heart out and if the reader is offended, then the simple thing to do in the words of Officer Barbrady, “Please move along, nothing to see here.”

    It reminds me of an incident that happened several years ago in the school district where we used to live. People were complaining to the school board that the school libraries had books that promoted devil worship and should be burned (actually removed).

    So you ask how did they find out about these books, well they got an email from some religious nut that told them about the books. Then the parents forced their children to check out the books and read them so that they could tell the school board how much the books terrified them and that they were scarred for life.

    Now if I had kids and some loon told me to make the kids play in the street so that they could prove it was dangerous, I’d laugh in their face yet these parents forced their children to read books which in their mind promoted devil worship????

    Not to forget that these were award winning books by teachers and educational professionals. I checked the books out from the local public library and read them. Besides being juvenile as they were aimed at grade school kids, there was absolutely nothing wrong with them.

    The takeaway here is that some people can read anything their twisted minds want in what you write, so you just have to shake your head and walk away.

    I’ve been reading your posts for a while now and can appreciate the angst you suffer. While I don’t always agree with everything you say, I don’t always agree with my wife either. We were not put on this earth to judge you and it takes guts to pour your heart out like you do. That’s a better thing then keeping it bottled up.

    We are in the Lifestyle and are sometimes the object of scorn from straights also and let it run off like water off a duck’s back. Do you really give a shit about what these people think? I hope not.

    My recommendation is to “unfriend” these two people and move on with your life.

  20. My eighth grade English teacher told us the first day we met her that words have power and that we must learn how to use them properly. I don’t think any of us believed her that first day but by the time we got halfway through the school year, oh, hell, yeah – words have great power and if wielded incorrectly, they can cause great damage.

    I’ve had a few folks snipe at me for my choice of words since I’ve been blogging and when the power of my words upset them, sure, I’ll apologize and clear the air… but I stand by what I write just as I choose my words as carefully as possible and then just because I know some people can feel the emotion in written words just as easily as if I were speaking to them in person.

    But since none of us are infallible, we will screw the pooch at times but at the end of the day, our blogs are shaped in the way we need them to be and our words will reflect this. We can apologize to someone, give additional explanation if needed, and we can even tell them more about what our chosen words were intended for… but unless we deliberately use them to wound, offend, or otherwise be hurtful to those who may read them, we should always be mindful of the power of words and the effect they may have on those who read them.

    Chin up, Ann – I think your blog is pretty good…

  21. Two things:
    1. People choose to read your blog. I haven’t been reading long, but you don’t seem to have posts slamming anyone; therefore, no one has any legitimate reason to claim to “hurt” by what you say. They may disagree with you but being hurt is unreasonable.
    2. The persona you present on your blog is not “lying” even if it’s not exactly who you are. We all choose what face we want to show, and that’s completely acceptable.

    • Thank you, Andrew. People get hurt for all kinds of reasons, so what I (or you) may think is legit doesn’t make a difference for those who are hurt.

      My blog is pretty much exactly who I am. I’ve even said what I hide here, although there aren’t many things. I have just avoided telling a few stories that I think are hurtful or that I can’t quite write yet. For example, the first time I wrote about my first experience with Faraway Lover, I didn’t mention my husband was also there. I got there, eventually, but I couldn’t face it at first.

      But I try very hard to not put on a persona here…to be exactly what I am and write what I think. Otherwise, there’s no point to my blog.

      • I understand that on one level, but, often, people are actually -choosing- to be hurt and, when you’re making a choice to be hurt, especially if what you’re choosing to be hurt about is not something directly related to you, it’s not legitimate.
        Being offended, I could understand. Or being angry. But to say that you are hurt by something someone else does or says implies that it is somehow affecting you directly.

  22. You haven’t attacked anyone, so if anyone took offense to anything you said it was more than likely because your words made them look in the mirror and they didn’t like what they found there. These people obviously have problems they need to sort out and that’s on them, not you.

    I have run into problems with multiple bloggers over the past few years and among all these people only one had the nuts to actually talk out any issues I had caused. The rest, like little high school drama queens, stopped talking to me and then ran their mouths to other bloggers. It’s stupid and childish.

    The tough thing to do in a situation like this is to not let it bother you. It’s tough to see that the issue isn’t all on you. It’s tough to shrug off the bitter words angry people will throw at you. Sadly, that’s your only option, though, because that’s how most people behave this days.

    • Scott I have always appreciated your support, so thank you. I try very hard to take responsibility for my actions – it’s so easy for us to blame others. So, I know I hurt people. Did I do it deliberately? Do I think they are overreacting? At the end of the day, it’s irrelevant. It is what it is.

      I can’t control others or their actions; the only thing I can control is my response.

      Of course it bothers me; I hate the thought of hurting anyone or letting anyone down.

  23. We all make mistakes, but not all of us admit to them. I applaud you for coming out and saying you’re hurt, and that you’ve hurt readers of your blog. That’s being open and honest and vulnerable — what you’ve mentioned in your post. And all of that is not easy to do. I think when you speak your mind and heart, there will be people who disagree with you. But I don’t remember one time that you’ve advertised a certain way how people should live their lives. You talk about your emotions and your own experiences. If a reader doesn’t agree with the way you live your life, it’s completely up to them to leave a comment. But they also can simply not read your blog and go on to someone else’s.

    • Thank you, Gus. While meeting bloggers in real life has absolutely changed a few things when I write – in that I now actually think about who is reading my blog in a way I didn’t when I started – I still write for me. It’s for my healing and processing that I write what I do.

      So you are right, I know that people won’t agree with me and some may even not like me. I’ve hurt people and made them angry, and although I don’t like it, I have to live with that knowledge.

      I try very hard to always caveat my writing appropriately, but the reality is that once someone believes I am full of judgment, or I think I am better than others and am free of blame, or lies, then that’s all they will likely see. Even when there is evidence to the contrary – or even just evolution.

      I absolutely have gotten frustrated with fellow bloggers decisions in the past, and sometimes that showed in my comments. I get emotionally invested very easily. I’m also naturally curious and so I ask a lot of questions, which isn’t always seen in a positive light (which I’ve actually written about, when I was accused of being judgmental).

      So I’m learning to disconnect so that I don’t get into those situations, and have been and will continue to be more careful with my comments on others blogs.

  24. “words have power and meaning”… usually that claim comes from people with a lot of time (or without life) to demand childish clauses when they are not paying you to comply a contract.
    My blog is also a sort of private diary, if there is people that dislike it they can read other blogs, I’ve no money to return them in exchange, although I respect them certainly my blog or yours are not charity to solve problems to random people, nor you’ve to change for people that actually doesn’t care who you are but more who they feel themselves.
    My advice: the people that wrote that wanted to hurt you, don’t feed them. Chi non mi ama non mi merita, lady (who doesn’t love me doesn’t deserve me)

    • I like the notion of “who doesn’t love me doesn’t deserve me”… it makes rejection feel better πŸ™‚

      Thanks for the comments. I genuinely don’t believe they wanted to hurt me, but as always, that’s just my perspective.

  25. I’ve only been around here a short time, but the way I see it, the things you share with us are as deeply personal as it goes. I don’t see why people have to know details you need protected to feel like they know you.

    I’ve lost people because tone doesn’t carry online, and I’ve lost people who felt attacked because my worldview didn’t match theirs. What I figured was that those people had issues with themselves they projected on me, and sadly there’s no fixing that.

    I’m really sorry you’re hurting.

    • Thank you Sotia, I appreciate that. You are so right that tone doesn’t carry. I try to look at context when I see comments or posts that bother me to some extent. Or sometimes I ask follow up questions. My last choice is to ascribe motivation to that person – because I think we often get it wrong.

  26. You keep saying ‘perception is reality’ and you’re not wrong. But the thing is it is only their reality, and everyone’s perception is different. Some people find what you write hurtful and offensive, some people, like myself, find what you write to be open, honest and refreshing, No matter what you write, or how much you choose to share, you are going to find yourself in the same situation but for slightly different reasons.

    It is all about choice at the end of the day. You are choosing what you want to share and we, as your readers, are choosing whether to read it. Being offended is also a choice believe it or not, especially when it comes to other peoples words.

    I hope you are not hurting too much from this and that you can eventually see it as an opportunity to learn something… whether that be to change how you write or to maybe gain a slightly thicker skin. Whatever you choose make sure it is right for you, don’t let others bully or shame you into changing who you are.

    • Thank Hev!!

      I completely agree about choice – it’s difficult, but realizing that nobody can make you react a certain way is pretty powerful. I choose to react the way I do (and it’s not always a great choice, for sure!), every single time.

      I won’t change my posts and what I write about here, but I can definitely adjust whose blogs I comment on, and be more careful with how I phrase things. I just figured that everyone gives me the benefit of the doubt – but that was naive.

  27. I think I may have liked every single comment on this page. If I didn’t, it’s probably an oversight πŸ˜‰
    I’m not going to try to make sense of it tonight, I just find it funny πŸ˜€
    Hope you find it slightly amusing too Ann πŸ™‚

    • Well, I guess I will say that people can feel free to be offended by me and my ideas and my honesty. I’m not about to start pandering to anyone. And while I believe I can continue to grow and be an even better version of the person I am today, I am who I am.

      I have certainly been offended by some things that others write, as you are well aware. Sometimes I’ve taken things personally even when I’m sure they aren’t meant that way. As a wise fellow blogger told me, the world doesn’t revolve around me. I’m well aware of that fact.

      But I’m not a fraud. That accusation has really stung.

  28. Oh please. No one has the right to tell you what you should or should not say on your own blog.

    Sure, words have power —

    — but a reader must exercise his own power to read or not to read a post — to take something personally, or blow it off.

  29. I think if you write a blog, you better be prepared for the best or worst of people. And perhaps even more of the worst as we hide behind our blogs. I say people can take it or leave it….we are free to disregard comments as we see fit….it’s when the crossover from blog to life happens that I think things get sticky. But it’s life, no? Icky, sticky and still delicious. Like a Cinnabon. :). Don’t get too sweet. Stay sassy. I like sassy.

  30. sometimes people don’t understand what others go through or what we try to express. I know I don’t comment much but I do know that I find yours to be one of the best most truthful ones. People rather read between the lines and make their own analyzes when in reality the words are right in front of them. They will try to find fault where there is none.

What do you think?