Getting hit on via LinkedIn? Is this what it's come to?

I have occasionally read stories of women getting hit on via LinkedIn, which has always struck me as really strange.

Now, I’m not referring to someone you know reaching out via this method, to gauge interest. Or reaching out to someone – let’s say, one who got away 20 years ago, who you still think about, in a (vain) attempt to reconnect, maybe to see if they are single, etcetera, just to have them accept your friend request then never respond to your email.

Not that I’m speaking from experience on the latter. Who, me?

What I’m talking about is random men asking to connect, then hitting on you. I guess it never happened to me because I make a point of only connecting with those who a) I have worked with, b) are family or good friends, or c) who work for my company. If you don’t fall into those three categories, I am not becoming your contact.

(Which reminds me, I was an early adopter of LinkedIn…one of the first 500,000 users. I know this because they sent me a nice email a while ago to say thank you.)

Anyway, one day several weeks ago, I was on the site, accepting / declining requests. I was doing it too quickly and before I knew it, had accepted the invitation from a man I didn’t know. I looked at his profile afterwards to see why he might want to reach out – and he’s in a different location and is in a different field.

I got sidetracked, moved on, and didn’t think anything of it.

Until I got this message:


My first inclination was that he wasn’t trying to hit on me. Then I read it again. I read his profile – laughing out loud when I saw that one of my colleagues was also a contact. Shotgun approach, anyone?

I’m pretty sure he’s a catfish, since I think Engineers from the USA can write full sentences.

If I had the time, I might play for a bit to see what his story is…but even then, my time is worth more than that.

However, I think it was worth posting here, for a laugh. Have any of you ever been hit on in this manner, by a stranger?

0 thoughts on “Getting hit on via LinkedIn? Is this what it's come to?

  1. I’m not on linkden because… well… frankly I’m just not an internet junky and in my line of work I have no need of business connections. Strike two.

    And see? Other people CAN be catfish! Or mass murderers. So although you admonished me for using something from your very own post… I rest my case. A catfish can be very charming. And I most tell you less I forget that I do find you charming (although my keyboard seems to find the letter “c” a bit too much of an effort and that came up “harming” which could take us right back to the mass murderer thing…)

    • I am so naive. I had to look up “catfish.” There’s a name for everything, isn’t there? πŸ™‚

      • You can check this old post of mine out, about a real catfish experience I had:

        I had never heard the term either until I recounted that story to a friend. She told me about the TV show and was the one that introduced to Google image search, which ultimately busted him.

        • As soon as I read the definition online, I realized that I was being “catfished” by a woman on Flickr for a while. I didn’t know about the term until today, but I knew that I was being fucked with and called “her” on it. She shut her profile down immediately. Lesson learned.

        • Huh… I had no idea it was a term for something else. Stupid me thought it meant a fish that looks like a cat. I thought all along that we were just being funny. Some days I need to get out of the 19th century. This has now made my comments on your last two posts look pretty odd.

          I’ll just go back to bed and hope no one noticed.

  2. I have been hit on many times via FB (something about a 40 something woman in a complicated relationship attracting weird men?). Like you I don’t friend people if I don’t know them. The first time, I was curious, so I chatted with the guy a bit. Using all my newly acquired skills of looking up images on Google and so on. Pretty soon, it became clear whatever the guy was telling me was just BS… I told him so, said politely goodbye (yeah, I’m like that, my parents raised me that way!) and… signaled him πŸ˜‰
    I had never heard of the word catfish until I read the comments to your latest post yesterday. Now it makes more sense.
    I must say I laughed when I saw the title of this post, even more when I read his message. I find it disturbing that people should use LinkedIn to find dates. Though if all you care about is money, it makes sense to try and find the more successful people and connect with them πŸ˜‰
    I have a LinkedIn account, but I rarely use it. It keeps offering me jobs that I have absolutely no qualifications for, solely based on geographical proximity. I *will* find the perfect job for me, regardless πŸ™‚

    And you are right, your time is so much better spent writing sexy or funny stories for us to read!
    Thanks for sharing a good laugh!

  3. Wow, that is absolutely crazy. Maybe british are more self contained? Haha (I’d doubt so). Never such thing has happened to me though. I get many requests, I accept from work colleagues and recruitment agents/ agencies (you’ll never know) – In fact, I got this amazing offer a while ago which I was a bit reluctant at first. My flatmate even made a joke about it, saying that I look way hot in my LinkedIn picture and that must be the reason. But I ended up going to the agency and it was all legit. He also got me the ‘big interview’. Now just crossing fingers.

    I worked way too hard to be where I am now and/or to let people judge me solely based on my looks.

    And that message you got was purely disrespectful. This is a professional network, not a dating website, these people should be reported. I am sorry that you had to go through this:(

    • Maybe because of my field, Linkedin is quite useful to me and I even got the job I have now through LinkedIn so yes, I still believe in the good in the world πŸ™‚

  4. via LinkedIn – No… I, like you will not accept a request from anyone I do not personally know.

    FB, sadly I had a friends brother hit on me. I’d only ever met him once and it was years earlier, but I recognized the name and knew he was married… I never responded opting to leave that one alone.

    • I have never been hit on in LinkedIn, but then again, I don’t have much up there. Will shows me his LinkedIn mailbox and does get some very crazy contact request emails, though I think that propositions for sex are more like the Nigerian financial schemes rather than actual requests.

      I did get hit on when I coordinated my high school reunion. It was incessant and very serious on his part. My profile was very clear that I was married (and I told him, quite happily) and he persisted. I ended up having to block him and (not) surprisingly, he didn’t attend the reunion. He was a guy that was interested in me in school (he was very handsome then) but I was already dating Will.

      I don’t blame FB for being the problem. Just the vehicle he chose.

        • No loss. He turned into an asshole in a span of 8 or 9 messages. I showed them to Will…I have never seen him get that angry before.

          • Good for everyone. Will is very low-key when he is angry. For the most-part, people don’t know if he is angry or not. He does manage it well, but when he gets pushed, it seems explosive because of the stark contrast from his norm.

            This exchange occurred a few months before the date of the reunion so I had a lot of time to worry about the possibilities and my mind wandered through all the scenarios during that time. I never sent the guy another message about the reunion (like I did with everyone else who hadn’t registered) just to spare myself the misery. Maybe he didn’t come because of that or he was embarrassed for being such an ass. Either way, I was happy that I didn’t have to see any confrontations between him and Will.

      • That’s too bad he didn’t take “no” for an answer. Some men (and women) are like that.

        Too bad he didn’t attend – you could have manufactured some fun but not mean antics to reinforce you weren’t interested, no doubt.

        • I probably could have, but I am not good with thinking on my feet. I did have forethought about jabbing at him when I had to get up in front of my classmates for the typical reunion welcomes and banter.

          I was very relieved that he didn’t show. I couldn’t get the ickiness of the entire exchange out of my mind or the worry about Will having words with him.

  5. Like series, I was hit on twice on Facebook also – but the message went to the “other” inbox and I didn’t see them for months…by then both profiles had been deleted…now that I have a little more awareness, definitely think it was catfishing.
    I have to admit a secret little glee when you said you were going through linkedin quickly and accepting, cause that’s how I accepted the wife by accident…!!

  6. Wow. Not the avenue by which I’d take to hit on someone. That sites strikes me as too professional for that. Then again I don’t really utilize LinkedIn so I’m not sure what it’s true purpose is

  7. Yes! This has happened to me. And on Facebook. How do they find us? What level of desperation must you be at to just friend/link up with random people and copy-paste a message about finding true love? I also have people try to sell me their books, when I’ve never even talked to them before. Meh.

  8. You know, I think it’s happening more often these days. I had registered for a small, niche conference in 2013 and was getting requests from other attendees leading up to the conference. Sure enough, another (female) colleague and I both got mail from one of the new connections asking to “meet up” for coffee in NYC as it would be “nice to attend such an intense conference with the potential of finding a fellow attendee to relieve some of that stress with”. No lie! We both laughed and then promptly forwarded the mail to the conference organizers πŸ˜‰

  9. Oh my goodness…me, too! One guy asked to connect. I had NO idea who he was, though he worked for one of my customer organizations as a nurse. I felt bad because I thought I’d forgotten meeting him…until he started sending me random e-mails and commenting on my profile picture. Really?

    Thank you for your summary e-mail!!! It’s like you read my mind. I’ve been off of WP for the last few days and felt behind.
    I’ll be back…off to my next conference call (with people I know!!)

What do you think?