I just hung up the phone with Andrew.
As I may have mentioned in some comments from my post last night, he had told me he was in a bad mood and would talk to me tomorrow (today). To cheer him up, I sent him a few pics of myself, and I got no response.
We chatted for a few minutes about my illness, and then I asked him if everything was okay yesterday. He said he was thinking a lot about out conversation. He said “it is not in the cards for us, and I don’t want to make a fool out of you.”
I asked him why. He said he didn’t really know, but it was nothing I said or did. But he also recognized that he wasn’t cumming with me (or his FWB, for the record) and that was a sign for him that he needed to sort some things out in his head, some of which have nothing to do with me.
He also said he didn’t want to just have a FWB relationship with me; that he was trying to get away from that and find something meaningful.
I told him it was disappointing, but I appreciated him telling me now versus later. I told him I couldn’t figure out if he just wasn’t that into me, or if he was just being cautious. I also told him I was disappointed I wouldn’t get to explore the things we had planned. I told him I had joined FetLife and he said he thought it would be a good experience for me. He gave me his “handle”, unprompted.
He said it didn’t mean we would never speak again. But I’m not sure what I would say. Perhaps he can still help me navigate some of this world, if I choose to stay connected to it. Perhaps not.
As I write this, I wonder if he’ll continue with his FWB… but that’s really neither here nor there. Just simple curiosity.
So, there it is. 6 weeks and we are done. And throughout the day today I was writing a post on what I actually want. It’s not to feel like I’m not desired, that’s for damn sure.