I realized I haven’t posted yet today and that would break a very long streak of posting every day. Unacceptable!
I am still sick. Now I have a new prescription for my cough which is a narcotic and makes me feel weird. I’m getting really tired of being sick. I had two events I was supposed to go to tonight, which I was really looking forward to, and I cancelled a fun party I was hosting tomorrow.
Anyway. A few hours of rumination after Andrew dumped me (if you can call it that), I realized I had some questions I wanted to ask him. So I texted him and asked him if we could talk. He said sure, after the kids were asleep. Well, Monday night didn’t happen.
Neither did Tues, or Wed. Today he said he would be free after 2:30. He called after 4.
After some meaningless chitchat, I asked him my first question – did my asking him how he felt contribute to him ending it. Short answer? Yes.
Longer answer? He felt emotional pressure, even though there was nothing specific I did. I asked for some examples. He said that I was planning way too far in advance – like hanging out at Christmas (which I NEVER asked him about…we may have talked about what he does during Christmas, since he doesn’t celebrate it) and New Years (because I mentioned it would be my first New Years free – which I guess he took as a suggestion. Little does he know I’m hanging out with J Blondie!).
So I followed up by asking if that’s why he didn’t think we could have a sex-only relationship. He said yes, that he couldn’t see the emotional pressure going away.
I explained to him that the pressure he felt came from my not knowing that he was all that into me – which I need in any relationship, even if it’s just sex. For someone with whom there is no potential of a future, I have little issue with just having sex with them. I also told him that I had drawn no conclusions about our future compatibility. But, I liked hanging out with him (he confirmed he did as well with me) and wouldn’t mind seeing him on occasion again, if he was open to it.
Now, you may think this is dumb. Perhaps it is. But in some ways, knowing exactly where I stand solves my problem. Well, at least one of them.
Oh, and that woman on FetLife? Yup, that’s his FWB. I asked him why he gave he his FetLife handle and he said that it wasn’t like he said we needed to stop talking (why FetLife would be the forum for doing so, I didn’t ask). We talked at length about the different groups he was in – I told him I felt insufficient looking at his group list and what he says he is looking for. He explained how he’d come to join the various groups. He also said he had joined 6 years ago and some of the things are no longer relevant (I presume one of these is that he’s no longer looking for ‘a slave’).
All in all, based on what he says, I believe his actions when we were “together” were really reactionary.
He also told me he is working through his own issues with emotions and intimacy. So, he’s got other shit going on.
I don’t know if I will see him again. But I feel better understanding what caused it. And it just reinforces for me that once we believe something to be true, we will see the actions that reinforce that belief and ignore those that don’t. I honest to goodness did not ask to make plans with him at Christmas and New Years, but even my talking about it had him thinking that I was dropping hints about our future.
Live and learn.
And yes, I’m now behind on writing about my list of partner characteristics and how I want to be treated, my FetLife adventures, and also the size of the dog walkers hands (hint: MASSIVE). Perhaps tomorrow 🙂