I’m sick. I sound like Kathleen Turner, when my voice decides to grace me with its presence. The combination of a cold and sore throat, and five hours of talking above music, and two plane rides, has done me in. I feel like shit. Mentally and physically.
I am uninspired to write anything long. I need to sleep and the Faraway Lover story, while it remains unfinished, takes a level of intellect I feel I am lacking at this particular moment.
So, a couple of updates.
The highlight of the morning after the party was getting to spend an hour with one of my closest friends. She came to my hotel, coffee in hand, and we talked non stop. She hadn’t gotten an update on Johnny or Andrew and I hadn’t heard the latest about her children or marriage. We’ve made plans to see each other hopefully for a weekend in January and that will be most excellent.
Andrew and I have not seen each other since last week. Being sick and having misaligned schedules did not help. He really isn’t great at keeping in touch, other than a phone call randomly at some point during the day – during which I suppose we cover a day’s worth of texting.
Sometimes he will text to talk in the evening. Yesterday I had a nap at the hotel prior to the event. We had spoken on the phone just prior and I sent him a half naked selfie from the bed, with a “wish you were here”. I got a “mmmm me too” in response. That was it. Sigh. Why do I need more?
Although this morning he seemed different. Playful and a bit romantic, I think. Although re-reading his texts, I’m not so sure. Whaddaya think? I had sent him a text at 12:30am (when I had woken up to turn out the lights):
- Me: Sorry to hear [he lost a bid on a house]. Did you at least have a good evening?
Then this morning, here was the exchange:
- Him: So so, headache. Good morning, pretty girl.
- Me: Good morning. This bed feels too big with just me in it.
- Him: A single bed would be too big for you to be alone in.
Now. The snarky side of me wondered if this was a dig – as in, I’m going to feel alone no matter what. The optimist side thought maybe he was saying I should never be alone?
- Me: Quite true. But I might not sleep as well with company in a single bed.
- Him: Tentada via – the way must be tried.
- Me [confused]: Well I would rather not sleep alone…
- Him: Word up, yo! Feeling better?
We had a phone conversation. It was fun except for the lack of voice part.
And now, although we had a few texts back and forth today, I’m frustrated that I’ve heard nothing from him since 3pm. Is it too much to ask?
I realize I need more. I want to feel like someone is excited to see me, or misses me when I’m not around. His caution feels like rejection.
We are seeing each other overnight on Friday (without Jason, sadly – a repeat threesome is not going to happen) and I am thinking about what to say to him. I’m not sure I’m ready for exclusivity. The text from The Comedian earlier this week that simply said “I want to see you” made me happy. I want to see him too.
Perhaps at this point for me it’s less about having others, and just having enough (but not too much!) with one person. I think. But could I ignore temptation when it crosses my path? If this is all I would get from Andrew, even if we are exclusive, I don’t think it’s enough for me.
I need to write more about this quandary, obviously. But not right now. For now, I could use some help deciphering his text messages! And sleep. I need sleep.
P.S. I got a text from The Giant this evening that said he had put my books in the mail. I had texted earlier this week to say sorry for being a pain but I’d really like them back. He responded that he had been in the hospital for the past six weeks but would for sure send them. I don’t think I will believe it until they are back on my bookshelf.