I just wanted to interrupt my regularly scheduled posting to say THANK YOU.
Before Sunday, I knew that I had some dedicated and caring readers. There have been many of you that have supported me since the beginning of my journey and it has been amazing.
But I was not prepared for the outpouring (literally… 137 comments and climbing…) of support and guidance from my two posts about Andrew.
I’ve always said I like debate and to be challenged. I mean it. You have not let me off easy – your comments helped me realise there are things I haven’t written about (my current feelings about open vs. closed relationships, and why I felt differently about that in context with my relationship with Johnny), things I was unclear about (Andrew doesn’t think of me as an FWB), and that I am obviously hurting and a bit fucked up.
Whether from the trauma of my marriage, or the breakup with Johnny, or both, it just is what it is and I have to deal with it.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I am beyond humbled that you care and take the time to show it.
I’m going to write a post about what I want, which is what I’ve always wanted, deep down. My reactions to your questions and confusion about this has helped me understand where I’m good and where I’m still processing things. For example, some of you don’t believe that there is a middle ground between casual sex and a serious relationship. I’m going to explore this some more.
You may be wondering what has happened with Andrew? Nothing. He said he would call me yesterday then subsequently said he was caught up with work. Apparently he will call me today. We shall see.
So, I was sitting in bed this morning with a coffee, moping and feeling incredibly lonely. Then I got my head out of my ass and realised that one of the most unhealthy things I can do it rely on one person for everything. I’ve been in a funk and a fog for over a month. As of September 1 I’ve been a single parent, work exploded in the middle of September, and that was quickly followed by the shitstorm with Johnny. None of these are trivial.
In the absence of being in touch with my friends, I let myself get way too focused on Andrew. So, I reached out.
It took only one hour but now I have a ladies night this Friday night (dinner, drinks, dancing), have three upcoming play dates with girlfriends and their children, confirmed some attendees at a party I’m having in a few weeks, chatted with my half-brother, and responded to the Lawyer’s text of “when can I see you again?” (the answer: tonight after my son goes to bed).
I feel better now. Of course, I’m still experiencing the same mental shit I was earlier this week. I’m still puzzled as to what is going on with Andrew and know I need to have a conversation. But at least it’s not the focus of my attention.
So to my blog and real life friends: Thank You. From the bottom of my bruised and worn heart.