Yesterday Johnny and I spent a bit of time texting back and forth about how much we wanted to text back and forth. He asked me how much I wanted to hear from him – I didn’t really know, and said basically somewhere between him telling me every time he took the dog out, and not hearing from him for days. He didn’t like that answer; he thought I was avoiding the question.
We eventually got to a place where I said – please just contact me when you want to, and don’t if you don’t. I still want to hear from him, but I understand it may not be the constant throughout the day texting (which I don’t have time for, anyway).
In this case, I’m not really keen on putting those kinds of parameters in place. It seemed to make sense to go with the flow and see how we feel.
Last night I went to a stage performance with a close girlfriend. We had a great dinner, a little bit too much wine, and thorougly enjoyed the show. I only briefly glanced at my phone at intermission to make sure I didn’t have any texts from my Nanny.
When I get home I look at my phone and see the following gchat texts from Johnny, sent a little bit earlier:
I’m not sure it’s good for me to remain friends.
Maybe better for us to go our separate ways.
What. The. Fuck.
I immediately send a text back, asking where this came from. No response. Call him multiple times on his home and work cell phones. No answer (now…I will tell you…he is ALWAYS on call for work). I see he reads my texts. No response.
I get angrier and angier. More and more concerned he’s going to do / doing something stupid. I check his new blog – no posts.
Last night, I barely got any sleep. Woke up literally every 20 minutes. Would check my phone, just to see – nothing.
I feel like I’m on a fucking rollercoaster. And not the fun kind.