Thank you from my bottom of my heart to all of you who took the time to comment on my post yesterday. It means so much to me to be supported (and challenged!) by so many. And my goodness, Hook, you really did me a solid. Your readers took your “call to arms” to heart…and it’s really lovely.
And thanks for the vacation tips too. I’m hoping to book something this week. Hedonism II is pretty tempting but I don’t want to go alone…
After I put my post up yesterday I checked my work email, and there was a note from Johnny which he had sent in the middle of the night. Now, I’m sure that email is the reason my administrative assistant was being particularly nice to me yesterday (since she monitors my inbox) but that’s another story.
The email said – basically – the situation sucked and he can’t be my friend. He can’t be reminded I’m not enough for him (his words), that I don’t want to be with him, and hang out with me while I do my thing with other people.
Yes, this is a reversal of many many prior conversations and things he’s written. He even wrote a blog post about how he can compartmentalize – put me in the “friend” box, per se – and then no problem. Well, obviously the lid on the friend box isn’t closed tight, and I keep escaping into the “girlfriend” box in his brain.
Of course. Of course it’s not that easy. It was naive and optimistic for me to ever think it would be possible. Of course it helped me feel better about the decision I made. Perhaps at some point in the future, we can be just friends. But not today. And that is what most of you amazing people counselled me yesterday. Give it time, give him space, just walk away.
I responded back, stating I didn’t appreciate him lobbing that text message to me and then subsequently ignoring me. But I also wanted him to know that I do want him in my life. I don’t think that he wasn’t “enough for me”.
Sure, it’s a bit about him, but it’s mostly about me and where I am today.
He did email me back. He said he was taking his time to respond so he didn’t say something he would regret (which is such a trigger for me), or something that would get quoted on my blog (who, me?!), and that the reason he ignored me was because he wasn’t in a place for conversations. He’s trying to understand where he is and what he needs. He said he needed time and space.
I got that email whilst having dinner with Katharine and our children. She said DO NOT respond. I thought about it for a while, and decided to simply say: You know where to find me if / when you want to talk. I will miss you. I already do.
Time will tell, I suppose. It always does.