A mature FWB…really?!

I will confess I’ve gotten rather cynical (perhaps some would say, smart) about men in the last 16 months. I know within a few text messages if someone just wants to fuck or simply gets off on a hot chat. I know the guys who are players and the ones who are too needy.

What I don’t always realize is just how much this cynicism affects me. I nowΒ expect guys to be douchbags.

Obviously, not all of them are.

If you haven’t read about my threesome (with bonus mortifying moment) I suggest you do: Part 1 and Part 2.

Jason had made sure that he’d opened the door for Andrew and I to see each other again. He’d asked each of us individually if we wanted the other’s phone number. We both said yes, definitely.Β Ever the gentleman (although in this context I’ll concede it’s a bit weird), Jason told Andrew that I’m too good of a woman to not be satisfied on a regular basis, and therefore he didn’t mind if Andrew and I saw each other solo.

So as I stood in my kitchen, numb from the encounter, I sent a text that simply said:

“Hi Andrew…it’s Ann. I just wanted to say thank you…”

And he texted:

“My pleasure… Care to send me a face shot for your contact? Here’s mine:”

And it began. He told me the picture I sent him (post-sex, in the kitchen, of just my face) was gorgeous.

After the threesome I went to a party at my friend Katharine’s house. There was a fun eclectic mix of people and between conversations with others, I sneaked in an update to her on the day’s earlier events. I wondered what kind of crazy post-sex vibes I was throwing off, because at one point, in the midst of a conversation about cooking sausages for dinner, a gay male guest looked at me and said conspiratorially – Oh Ann I’m sure you like 2 sausages, don’t you!?

I’m glad it was dark since as a light blonde with pale skin, my furious blush would have been very obvious.

On the way home, tipsy and still feeling wonderful, I sent him the following:

“Hey Andrew; wanted to say you made me feel amazing. I haven’t been able to wipe the smile off my face.”

Early the next morning he replied he was glad and that we needed to figure out when we could get together. When I replied by asking what his schedule was generally like, he said:

“I’ll call you in an hour…with a client now.”

(He’s a real estate agent).

I stared at the phone and realized – okay, he’s not a big texter. It makes so much more sense, and is so much more efficient, to have this kind of conversation over the phone. I’ve become so conditioned to texting.

When he called, we talked about our general availability. Then we got to talking about other things, and then he asked if he could ask me some questions, and then he really blew my mind.

His first: “What are you looking for? Do you want something casual that just happens when it can? Or something regular and ongoing? Or are you looking for a relationship?”


I was totally caught off guard.

I have learned that the truth is WAY better in these situations. So I told him I wanted something regular and ongoing, but I didn’t think I was ready for a committed relationship right now. I told him I’ve just been out of my marriage for a year and need to sort my own stuff out before I will be a good partner to someone else.

He said “I can work with that, but I am ultimately looking for a relationship, so if I end up meeting someone else, then things would need to change.”

Wow. Mature.

I asked him how many partners he liked to have at any one time… apologizing if that was too forward a question. His response?

“You have every right to know. I have one ongoing partner, and one who is less frequent. But I am getting bored with both of them.”

He then volunteered that he gets tested for STI’s regularly and is clean.

Gulp. Made me realize I’m overdue to get tested…although I’ve had very few new partners (but who knows who they’ve been with).

And he asked me the same question. I told him I had just gotten out of a long distance relationship which lasted 6 months and during that time – when we were open – I had been with a couple others on occasion.

Then he says: “I’m an affection whore. How do you feel about sleepovers?”

Love them!!

He also told me he doesn’t consider himself bi-sexual; he doesn’t find men attractive and wouldn’t ever have sex with one on his own. However, in a group setting, he’s “flexible”.

And the final piece of wisdom, provided so matter of factly, was in response to my describing that I’m not submissive but I like men who are aggressive. He said “Well yes, that’s because you are a bottom.”

I had only heard that term used to describe homosexual relationships, so that was new for me.

Not only might I learn a lot from this man, he also seems to be pretty mature and a good communicator.

Dare I believe this might actually not be an ongoing shit-show?? (And yes, I promise I will be done with the shit jokes pretty soon). We made a date for the following week and agreed to keep in touch.

0 thoughts on “A mature FWB…really?!

  1. pretty Damn mature sounding and above board to me, I always try to follow my gut instinct. If it feels off in anyway, then it’s probably a bad idea to peruse anything. Maybe don’t think of yourself as cynical, but definitely skeptical about anyone’s motives these days. That’s just a smart approach as a single, beautiful woman in this needed up world we occupy.

  2. I like his approach. Looking back on the FWB situation I had a few years ago, my mistake was not being clear that I didn’t want anything more. And realizing too late that I shouldn’t have even been friends with this person.

    Setting expectations and limits may sound like a real estate transaction, but it is a good thing. Limits heartbreak or lost friendships later.

  3. I smiled at the bottom part. It is great to see how it is being used in many different forms.
    Not being a submissive is for yourself setting an idea of what it is in your eyes.

    From some perspectives a bottom is just as much a submissive. except being ‘Topped’ by another submissive.
    Interesting by far to see how the image with a word is perceived in the first place. and how meaning or explanations have changed or change between people or groups.

    Other than that being clear in what is expected is being honest with ones self. It sketches a clear image and no misunderstandings.

    • See, I am not submissive…if you try to tell me what to do, with a certain voice and in a certain way, I’m going to tell you to f-off. I read blogs of submissives and it doesn’t resonate with me personally at all. So I wasn’t really sure how to describe what I liked (at least most of the time).

      • Well being submissive has many faces so to speak, it isn’t just one thing. The perception is often wrong on that.
        Just to give an idea. it isn’t about telling you what to do, it could be as much as gesturing an option you voluntarily follow.

        But that is another story I might one day get to post.

        Playing rough has not necessarily something to do with being or not being a submissive. I understood why you used it as to explain the boundaries. It is a shame that we can misunderstand it.(which happens to often).

        So keep on smiling Ann it suits you best πŸ˜€

  4. Andrew, and Jason for that matter, seem incredibly mature and self-actualized. Andrew’s responses to many of your questions as well as his candor reminds me very much of “him”. Here’s to hoping you have found a tried and true FWB!

    oh ps: when I tried to follow the link to Part 2 of your threesome with Jason and Andrew, I get the “this doesn’t exist, you may be lost” error.

    • Thank you! Darn bad links πŸ™
      Should be fixed now.

      And yes, they are pretty cool dudes. I’m getting to know Andrew a bit better and I like him. Physically I’m freaked out that he’s smaller than me, but I have to just get over that.

  5. Ann, please don’t take my comment as an attempt at being glib in response. I am happy that I don’t have to go through this – I would be lost if I found myself set free of my husband. What I love is that he is my BFFWB!!! πŸ˜€

    I love reading these posts and seeing that there are mature men out there who can meet your needs (and you their’s).

      • If your marriage was how you had hoped it would be, we would never know you. πŸ™‚ W

        hat a strange dichotomy – to be selfishly glad that things went the way they did but sad for you and for what you had to endure.

  6. Damn! Hot, sexy, intelligent and mature?! Rarity! I am totally getting jaded, quickly. I think you are right, we get conditioned. Unfortunate side effect. Also, unfortunately necessary with too many.

    • We totally get conditioned. I feel like there are just some things you will need to experience yourself in order to believe πŸ™‚

      And yes. He is all those things. He’s also a bit shorter and i outweigh him by 30 lbs at the moment (i’m up 15 :/ ) which is not what I’m used to.

What do you think?