I will confess I’ve gotten rather cynical (perhaps some would say, smart) about men in the last 16 months. I know within a few text messages if someone just wants to fuck or simply gets off on a hot chat. I know the guys who are players and the ones who are too needy.
What I don’t always realize is just how much this cynicism affects me. I now expect guys to be douchbags.
Obviously, not all of them are.
Jason had made sure that he’d opened the door for Andrew and I to see each other again. He’d asked each of us individually if we wanted the other’s phone number. We both said yes, definitely. Ever the gentleman (although in this context I’ll concede it’s a bit weird), Jason told Andrew that I’m too good of a woman to not be satisfied on a regular basis, and therefore he didn’t mind if Andrew and I saw each other solo.
So as I stood in my kitchen, numb from the encounter, I sent a text that simply said:
“Hi Andrew…it’s Ann. I just wanted to say thank you…”
And he texted:
“My pleasure… Care to send me a face shot for your contact? Here’s mine:”
And it began. He told me the picture I sent him (post-sex, in the kitchen, of just my face) was gorgeous.
After the threesome I went to a party at my friend Katharine’s house. There was a fun eclectic mix of people and between conversations with others, I sneaked in an update to her on the day’s earlier events. I wondered what kind of crazy post-sex vibes I was throwing off, because at one point, in the midst of a conversation about cooking sausages for dinner, a gay male guest looked at me and said conspiratorially – Oh Ann I’m sure you like 2 sausages, don’t you!?
I’m glad it was dark since as a light blonde with pale skin, my furious blush would have been very obvious.
On the way home, tipsy and still feeling wonderful, I sent him the following:
“Hey Andrew; wanted to say you made me feel amazing. I haven’t been able to wipe the smile off my face.”
Early the next morning he replied he was glad and that we needed to figure out when we could get together. When I replied by asking what his schedule was generally like, he said:
“I’ll call you in an hour…with a client now.”
(He’s a real estate agent).
I stared at the phone and realized – okay, he’s not a big texter. It makes so much more sense, and is so much more efficient, to have this kind of conversation over the phone. I’ve become so conditioned to texting.
When he called, we talked about our general availability. Then we got to talking about other things, and then he asked if he could ask me some questions, and then he really blew my mind.
His first: “What are you looking for? Do you want something casual that just happens when it can? Or something regular and ongoing? Or are you looking for a relationship?”
I was totally caught off guard.
I have learned that the truth is WAY better in these situations. So I told him I wanted something regular and ongoing, but I didn’t think I was ready for a committed relationship right now. I told him I’ve just been out of my marriage for a year and need to sort my own stuff out before I will be a good partner to someone else.
He said “I can work with that, but I am ultimately looking for a relationship, so if I end up meeting someone else, then things would need to change.”
I asked him how many partners he liked to have at any one time… apologizing if that was too forward a question. His response?
“You have every right to know. I have one ongoing partner, and one who is less frequent. But I am getting bored with both of them.”
He then volunteered that he gets tested for STI’s regularly and is clean.
Gulp. Made me realize I’m overdue to get tested…although I’ve had very few new partners (but who knows who they’ve been with).
And he asked me the same question. I told him I had just gotten out of a long distance relationship which lasted 6 months and during that time – when we were open – I had been with a couple others on occasion.
Then he says: “I’m an affection whore. How do you feel about sleepovers?”
He also told me he doesn’t consider himself bi-sexual; he doesn’t find men attractive and wouldn’t ever have sex with one on his own. However, in a group setting, he’s “flexible”.
And the final piece of wisdom, provided so matter of factly, was in response to my describing that I’m not submissive but I like men who are aggressive. He said “Well yes, that’s because you are a bottom.”
I had only heard that term used to describe homosexual relationships, so that was new for me.
Not only might I learn a lot from this man, he also seems to be pretty mature and a good communicator.
Dare I believe this might actually not be an ongoing shit-show?? (And yes, I promise I will be done with the shit jokes pretty soon). We made a date for the following week and agreed to keep in touch.