I'm angry and I don't know what to do about it.

This will be short and not sweet.

I’m pretty pissed off about something. It’s not a new something, but a couple things have brought it all back up for me. I realised I’m not over it.

I wrote a post about it today and shared it with Johnny, since it’s about him. Now he’s angry that I’m angry (granted, this is probably an oversimplification). It’s not about the shit that happened a couple of weeks ago, but IS about what happened between us a few months ago.

I have to decide whether to put up that post. The reality is, I obviously haven’t really worked through what happened. I think I just kind of put it to the side in the name of peace and harmony, but yet didn’t deal with how it made me feel.

So how much do I honor my anger and get it out there on the page, knowing that yes, it’s old wounds, and yes, Johnny feels it makes him look like an asshole? Or do I take a quiet approach and focus on working through it and finding it in my heart to forgive? Maybe both will work and it’s just not time for the latter yet.

I’m so measured and calculated that I rarely let myself just be mad.

I don’t know what to do.

0 thoughts on “I'm angry and I don't know what to do about it.

        • Ann, you know my two cents on this and they’re not dissimilar from TD’s. You and Johnny both took the red pill, so to speak. It sucks donkey balls, but there you have it. I have no answers for you. Just passing out some compassion πŸ™‚ xx Hy

          • Thanks Hy…it’s appreciated. Sucks donkey balls indeed. I don’t like to self censor but nor do I enjoy barreling forward with no regard to the feelings of others.

            I think I have a way to describe what I’m going through without writing from a place of anger…which I don’t think is ever really a good idea.

  1. As a serial angry person Ann, I am a fan of wearing my heart on my sleeve, but we all know there’s a price to pay for that kind of attitude…thing is, there is a price either way. You have to decide which one you’re prepared to pay. Then once you’ve made the call you have to own that shiz…whatever the outcome. Anything else is just a manipulation which often rears up again at a later time. Never easy, but be true to yourself either way and you’ll be okay with whatever happens.

  2. I say if there is any doubt at all that you leave it off here. Interblog situations like these, even if one or the other isn’t even online anymore, get ugly. If you do put it out here, maybe password protect it or mark it private? Or can you send it as an email to trusted people so the rest of the world doesn’t have to know?

    Wish I knew the right answer, but I hope you find the catharsis you need either way.

  3. How much would the suppression of your expression hurt you? I am sure that you have held things back from you blog and we are all just voyeurs peering into your emotional ride. Or, at least it may seem that way. I have grown to enjoy the relationships that are budding here as my husband and I immerse ourselves into what people share. Your life played out here on WP has so many pendulum swings and emotional cycles (which is no different than our solid marriage), it simply means that you are alive. Do what you know is right. We’re here.

    Mrs. WC

    • Hi Mrs. WC. There’s actually very little that I suppress on this blog, as I treat it primarily as my journal. If I think about *not* writing something, it actually signals to me that I have stuff to sort out, which means I really should write about it.

      In this case it’s a bit less clear. Perhaps I can find a way to still be open and express what I need to say, but in a way that’s less offensive to Johnny.

      Thanks for being here…I really appreciate it.

      • Do what you must. Care for Ann first and foremost. All the rest will work out I the end. Soinds selfish? Yes, but sometimes we give beyond capacity and it destroys us. Take care of yourself. Post. Don’t post. That is secondary.

          • Yes. Don’t follow my path. I am not sure what I did, but apparently I have left a wake of destruction as I ply the relationship waters of a happy and healthy marriage that seems to be desperately troubled by some (as of yet) un-revealed action by me.

            The price that I am paying is steadily increasing since Friday though Mrs. WC’s online postings suggest that all is well. This is a new wrinkle.

          • Thank you. The air is certainly heavy around me. The sun is shining and a heavy, smothering veil is covering me. I need to get out…get away. I am heading out for a bike ride and I hope that I don’t feel compelled to turn in front of a bus.

  4. While I’ve always enjoyed you getting things off your chest, I have a feeling this will only keep simmering until you get it out and get it behind you. Unless I’m mistaken, I have a feeling your followers that pay attention can guess what this is about.. Write…

  5. whatever you decide , it needs to be for you .not him or your readers. it is hard to be pissed and want to vent. be honest and kind,.even in anger. words do hurt, often worse than sticks and stones ever could.

    • Thanks so much… I haven’t written much in anger. Definitely through hurt and sadness, but I tend to avoid raw anger. It’s difficult to find the balance in recognizing what I’m angry about and being true to that, and also trying to avoid hurting someone.

  6. Normally I’m all “It’s your blog, post whatever the heck you want to.” Like I always say about my blog and social network profiles, this is not a democracy it’s a dictatorship, and I’m the dictator.

    But in this instance I’d say don’t post it. Doesn’t sound like it will make anything better.

    • Thanks for your input JR. I think I can find a way to talk about what I’m still hurting about, without writing from a place of just anger. Obviously something felt wrong about what I wrote last night, or else I would have posted it without a second thought.

  7. I haven’t read through the responses but, I suppose I would look at it from the point of view of what would I want the other person to do in the same situation.
    Forgiveness? Yeah, that has to be there, but there also needs to be some acceptance of responsibility for what the problem is. And I think in a way you sort of made the decision by showing him the post first. You just want him to work it out. You don’t want to air it out, just work it out.
    Much Respect

    • Thanks Ronovan. While I don’t speak for Johnny, I suspect his issue with what I wrote is that he has accepted responsibility for it already and the situation was from a couple of months ago.

      I’m trying to work it out…but it’s not clear to me how to let it go.

      • Forgiveness is one thing, but the forgetting, the letting go is something entirely different. That comes with time. Wounds heal but scars only fade. That’s the problem with moments in time.
        Is the scar, the wound such that we cannot function, has it damaged us so completely we cannot be who we are? Perhaps what was before cannot be again but something else can replace it that is functional.
        I ramble a bit at times. Forgive me.

        • Very true. I obviously haven’t let it go. I was on that path, but recent events ripped off the proverbial scab again. I’m worried about the scar tissue that is forming, to extend the metaphor.

  8. I wrote about this subject this summer… http://myblogismyboyfriend.wordpress.com/2014/07/03/tell-your-stories/.. The photo I used with it says “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.” I feel like you own your stories and if you feel like writing to make you feel better…then that is your story to tell… Just like Johnny (or anyone else) owns the story from their perspective. I’m sure that there are plenty of stories that people could tell that make you look like an asshole. People probably tell stories featuring me as an asshole every day. It happens. Posting the story, since Johnny has already said he doesn’t want you to, will probably not do much to help your relationship with him and you should take care not to hurt the people you love. But, that being said, your blog is a cheaper than therapy way to process your feelings. It is a toss up. Ugh, I don’t envy this situation at all!

    • Oh there are definitely stories where I’m the asshole. I *do* try to fess up when I’m being an ass, if that counts for anything.

      I should probably try to find a middle ground. If this was any other guy, I would have no issue writing exactly what is going through my mind and the things that are pissing me off. But Johnny isn’t just some guy.

      After a good sleep, I decided I won’t post exactly what I wrote yesterday, but I will work on something else that honors how I’m feeling right now.

  9. If you post it, then could be bad for Johnny, if you don’t post it then could be bad for yourself. Quoting Socrates “Do what you want. Well whatever you do, you’ll regret”
    My suggestion would be to wait until you can get a decision without the anger and with a calmed mind. Perhaps the post now is more an answer to the anger for this week, or perhaps it’s just common situations that don’t deserve so much attention. But at least it’s going to published, or not, just because you trust in your judgment.

    • Thanks Francis – and yes, I feel more calm now, so sleeping on it helped. I will modify what I wrote. It’s still a problem for me, but I don’t generally like to write from a place of anger.

    • It would have felt good – momentarily – but I don’t want to cause Johnny undue pain. I will write about it, for sure, just will find a different way to get there. And it will still feel good.

    • I will respond even though I’m not sure you are reading anymore. I don’t think writing in a place of anger is a good thing, hence why I was hesitant in the first place. My goal is not punishment.

  10. Okay, you asked,

    The two of you are in love right? You have some issues to work through right? it would not be productive of you to shine a bad light on that relationship openly.

    It is like you are gossiping about your other half…. (if I can put it that way)
    Tell us about the awesome sex you two have had or what about some phone sex?

    Work though your problems privately. It is good that you wrote about it and sent it to him. Gain some perspective and then write about it, if you still want to.

    And of cause I’m here for you. Anything you share with me privately will stay between us. I’m sure you have other friends like this that you can open up to and talk to?

    Just my opinion. Ultimately you do what is best.

    • Thanks so much Serins…I really appreciate the support. And yes, we are working through these things off-blog, primarily. But we both process things through writing as well. So a bit of a quandry.

      I won’t post what I wrote last night, but do need to talk about how I’m feeling right now.

      Thanks again xo

  11. Your blog, your call.

    Sure you don’t want to write about something that might cause more strife, but at the same time it could be something that’s a point turner for you.

    Maybe instead of writing in anger let the post sit in drafts until you’ve worked it out inside yourself.

    Then you can decide on what you want to post and how.

    <3 xx

      • Anytime sweetie.

        And I think that’s a good way of dealing with it.

        I learnt fast that writing in anger, especially when the other person can see and is known by others can cause some ripples that weren’t meant to be ripples but just letting off steam, et al.

        Especially since writing is my way of processing a lot of the time too.

        Hang in there.

        S x

        • Yes…I’ve been the recipient, on a few occasions, of things written in angry and it’s not nice to be on the receiving end of it. It definitely makes things worse when the other person can see what you’ve written.

  12. Should or could one not work it out together first before maybe blogging about it. That way when blogging you do it with a peace of mind knowing it is solved to your own satisfaction. A calm written well thought out post with a ending both of you can live with.

    Leaving things unsolved always comes back to kick one in the groin. You can ask for explanation of said issue. It is called communication.

    I am sure you will figure this out, Keep smiling.

    • Thanks… our challenge is that we did work through it. I don’t think there is a resolution – something was done to me that, as it turns out, I’m still hurting over. No easy path forward when that happens…I need to figure out a way to process it.

      • It is said writing about it helps. It is okay to get it out of your system one way or the other or else it will just keep haunting. Getting angry is not so much getting angry at him or who ever done what is done.
        It can be as much as blowing of steam for just you.

  13. I’m quite familiar with this dilemma seeing how my husband and I both blog. Like you my blog is my journal and that means it’s not all nice and pretty. It means I lash out, vent, cry, have epic pity parties… and naturally some of that stuff is about my husband. Some stuff is a couple months old, a few years old. But it’s stuff I needed to work through and writing it out and processing it is the way that works for me.

    And there is the answer to my dilemma.

    If this is how you need to work it out, then post it. It’s your journal!

    • Thanks ‘Tis – it’s totally my journal. My hesitation comes from the fact that I generally don’t write when I’m angry, and also that Johnny and I are also in a very tenuous place right now. I’m being more cautious than I normally would.

      • I completely understand and it’s why some of my posts are from events that happened months ago. I know some look at it as bringing up old business, but if I never had the chance to process or address it because I was pre-occupied making sure my partners needs were being met or taken care of then I never got to take care of me.

        and sometimes I write angry, I just hold off on publishing until I’ve had time to simmer down. You’ll figure this out. πŸ™‚


  14. goodness, the Lion has got a thorn in his paw. His reaction is coming off rather touchy up there in the comments. I think you’ve made the best decision after sleeping on it to try and be more fair.
    Hopefully he’ll be able to get over his grumpiness soon once the two of you have worked a few kinks out. I hope you find resolution as well, we as woman have a tendency to take longer to mull over and stew about things. Sounds like you could use a spa day soon, relieve some tension πŸ™‚

  15. Are you afraid to post it because deep down inside you know that a) he won’t like it and doing so will hurt you both or, b) doing so will be the final nail in the coffin and it’ll be just you and your demons, left alone? Just wondering out loud…

    • Fair question, but it was all a). It truly was an old argument that happened back in June. I told him at the time how hurt and angry I was. It just happened that the last issue made me think about it all over again…and I realized I was still angry about it.

      He didn’t think it warranted being written about again; and I get it – because there really wasn’t anything else he could say.

      I’m not afraid of being alone, although its definitely not my preference.

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