Excerpts from my last journal entry ever…shortly after meeting my ex-husband.
For Part One, read this post.
For Part Two, read this post.
I think one of the best things is that we’re so evenly matched. He is also essentially a lonely person, and although he has many acquaintances, has few good friends. And, we both feel that we are misunderstood by most people we know.
Will is also very familiar with the pressure put on “gifted” children, as his high school was very hard on its students. There is a high expectation that not only will the students be excellent academically, but that they will also be the leaders of the generation. No pressure!
His parents also expect the same, that their son will be the president of a bank or major corporation. Although Will would like to be a writer, he will be that president his parents (and he) want. Will, I have no doubt, will be a very wealthy man in a short time. I told him I didn’t care how much money he makes, and he knows it’s the truth.
He has had many girlfriends that have seen him primarily as a wallet (and as a great lover), so I think I am a welcome change for him.
Will also told me that he has never really enjoyed sex, which surprised me because he is a very competent lover. I think he has spent his time pleasing women, but he tells me he has not felt mentally equal to any of his lovers (8 or 9 in total) which is the real turn-on for him. So, I hope to give him the pleasure he has not had (or so he says) with other women.
He’s a strange duck – he tells me that he has said “no” to more women than he has had sex with, that they are usually the ones asking for it. Also, that he rarely lets women stay over at his apartment. Strange, because I have been there 5 or 6 nights out of 7, since we met. It seems so weird to me, but I suppose he’s telling me the truth.
Will has told me he loves me, and that he can see me in all of his life, for the rest of his life. In the first week we were dating, he told me he felt like he was at a symphony, and he heard the first few lines of the solo violin, and that he thought the melody was beautiful and he wanted to hear the rest of the symphony.
For Christmas, he gave me a pedicure and a beautiful silver necklace from Tiffany & Co. When he gave me the box, he said it would be the first of many things he gave me from Tiffany. I hope he’s right!
Will has asked me to move in with him, and I said “yes!”. It was the first time I have ever seriously considered doing so, and I have no major concerns about us living together in the same space. My only concern is the size of his apartment. Because of finances (we are both considering going back to school) it makes the most financial sense to stay in his place.
BUT, he lives in a junior one-bedroom and space it tight with just his stuff! It’s been crappy that most of my stuff is in storage. Prior to meeting Will, what I wanted was to move out on my own, so that I could use my stuff and not have to compromise with anyone else. But, I am willing to share my space, I’d just like to have more of it.
My big fear is that Will and I will fight a) what I can bring into the apartment, his space, and b) our tempers will be short because we won’t have a space to retreat.
We spoke about these issues – Will has been more than happy to have me bring my stuff into what he calls “our space”. Very quickly, he told me he wanted me to bring a bag over, and leave clothes at his apartment. He told me it is the first place that has truly felt like home for him. So, with my need to have my things around (I think because I lived in two places for most of my life) and his protectiveness of his space, it certainly means there are high emotions around the whole issue. Which, thankfully, we are both aware of.
I do hope we will be able to sort out our issues. I’m confident we will, but a bigger apartment would certainly eliminate some of them. I figure, if we can live together in that tiny apartment, we can live together anywhere.
I actually do not have problems being with Will for extended periods of time. Normally, after a few days with someone, I get antsy to get away from them, even if it’s just for a few minutes. I don’t have this reaction with Will – we are able to coexist rather well.
I am well aware it is likely we’ll have problems, and big fights, but generally I like him more than any other man I’ve dated. I look forward to living with him.
When it comes to money, right now, with my salary situation, I can’t save too much extra money. I talked to Will about my concerns and he is incredibly understanding. He makes twice as much money as I do, so he knows I am in a subservient cash situation. But, he is happy to pay for a lot of the expenses.
The trouble is, I want everything to be equal in our relationship, but with money it really can’t be.
I’m sure we’ll be able to figure everything out. We have the essentials, the building blocks…
And those were the last words I wrote on the matter. Read the conclusion of happened next, and why I’ve never been the same since.