Okay I made up the “Masturbation Thursday” part. Everyone knows it has to be “Masturbation Monday”. Actually, most days are masturbation days at my place. Somehow I don’t think you care either way.
I have talked in the past about my masturbation habits and how I deal with being stuck somewhere horny with no sex toys. What I probably haven’t mentioned is that I’ve gone from no sex toys to two drawers of my nightstand bursting at the seams. I have bought butt plugs, vibrators, dildos, benwa balls, restraints…you name it, if it strikes my fancy, I have it.
The one thing I had never heard of, until I came across a blog post, then another, then another, all extolling the virtues, was the Hitachi Magic Wand.
So, off I went to my favourite online sex shop to purchase one. The thing really is insane. I understand now why women who have never had an orgasm say they have no trouble with this thing. It is not gentle, nor quiet. It has at times made me go completely numb, or left me pulsing for many minutes after I turn it off.
The warnings and pictures are truly hilarious, when you know you will be using it as a vibrator. See below and note the absence of any arrows pointing to where women actually use the damn thing:
The instructions include two warnings that really made me laugh:
- Do not use at wet location of body or while body is wet. Ahem, I get really wet. This may be an issue.
- Never operate for more than 25 minutes. Damn.
I have tried using it for a long time. The bloody thing gets really hot. Forget the high-speed setting…it’s beyond what most human females can probably tolerate. One friend suggested it may “ruin” me for men, so best to lay off the Magic Wand if I am hoping to have a clitoral orgasm from a real man any time soon. I see where they are coming from. I stopped using it, in anticipation of Johnny’s visit.
But the best part are the attachments. I bought one, because I thought the combination of penetration and super strong vibration would be awesome. Here’s the problem. It looks like a Muppet – Gonzo, to be exact:
I haven’t been able to bring myself to use the attachment, once I saw what can’t be unseen. Anyone interested in a used sex toy attachment? I’ll sterilise it first 🙂
Gonzo Image Source: http://www.fastcompany.com/1798399/gonzo-filmmaker-james-bobin-reveals-muppet-movie-easter-eggs