The sounds-nice-but-actually-dickish way to bail a second time

I referred to this guy in my Guys I’ve Slept With (Part 3) post – he was my first date after separating from my ex-husband.

Fast forward 5 months. I had joined a new dating site, and one day there he was, with a “new member” profile. I reached out to him and we had a nice conversation. Turns out he had actually been quite busy with work and family drama, so I didn’t feel like he had bailed just on me.

We agreed to meet up again. But then, we had the following exchange via text:

  • Me: Hey, it’s Ann. I am free next Sun evening, or Mon for a drink after work – but that’s it since I’m at the game on the 28th then leaving the next day for a trip south. Would either sun or mon work?
  • Him: Hi Ann. Sunday works! Let’s chat closer to sunday about where. Enjoy the show!
  • Me: Hey that’s great!
  • Me: Good morning! Does tomorrow evening still work for you?
  • Him: Hi Ann. I’ve decided that I wanted to set up my dating profile and explore things a bit since I’m just starting dating again. I think I want to get out and meet a few people to start. That might not jive with where you are at now. Not sure if that makes sense? Can we save a second date for further down the road depending on where we are at that stage?

So…at first I thought “yeah okay fine”, but as I reflected more on what he was actually saying to me, I got really pissed off.  I responded with:

  • Me: I certainly understand you wanting to date multiple people, as I am the same. That has never been my desired state but more an outcome of the guys I’ve met and my schedule.  But, having said that…if I’m not compelling enough to you that after meeting me, you still want to find others that might be more interesting….and basically put me on hold while you do so? I’m not so keen on that. Does that make sense?
  • Him: It does make sense and I’m sorry.
  • Me: You don’t have to apologize for not being that into me. But for saying you wanted to meet then telling me – essentially – that you don’t like me enough for a second date… But would consider it if you don’t meet someone better? Yup, apology needed. And accepted, I suppose. We all have our weak moments. Good luck.

It was a good lesson to me. If they like you enough, they won’t bail for work or personal reasons. Don’t go back to a guy who has bailed on you. End of story.
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0 thoughts on “The sounds-nice-but-actually-dickish way to bail a second time

  1. I love your blogs/posts!
    Suggestion: Instead of “Turns out he had actually been quite busy with work and family drama, so I didn’t feel like he had bailed” just “on me.” He just bailed on me.

    • Oh goodness yes! I would much rather that message than a great date and subsequently being dicked around. I didn’t care if he was dating others, because I was too…it was the “I don’t want to date you as well” part that I found so, well, douchy. Good riddance.

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