Well, this takes me up to the current day. Going forward, you’ll probably hear about anyone new that gets added to this list.
The first time I drafted this post, Johnny was #64 which reminded me of the Beatles song and made me happy. But I had started at number 33, which is wrong because my last post included my ex husband and my two lovers from before our marriage ended, which took me to 35.
Then I read an old diary and realized I missed two guys in my later university years. Both named Mike, ironically. So really, the number below should start at 38.
BUT that makes Johnny #69!! Which is a lovely, naughty, coincidence. I will focus on that instead of the fact that I’ve bedded 69 men in my lifetime…a number that seems extraordinarily high.
So, enjoy the conclusion.
For anyone that I’ve written more than one post about, I have linked to my “Lovers Page” for simplicity.
- My first date off online dating which was still one of the best. Great chemistry, lots in common, went back to his place for sex, he made me squirt…so the usual 🙂 – but he ended up being “too busy with work” for a second date. We did reconnect in January and he said a nice-on-the-surface-but-upon-reflection-really-dickish thing to me, which was pretty funny.
- One who I really regret. Met on a dating site, hadn’t seen his face, agreed to meet up with the sole purpose of having sex. He was drunk and very strange but I fucked him anyway. He never looked at my face, just stared at my pussy the entire time. He left a baseball hat here and I suppose I should just toss it. I’m sure he doesn’t remember our night and I wish I didn’t either.
- One who evaporated after our first date which ended in a little bit of sex, but mostly him having hydraulics issues. I guess he was embarrassed. He had the nerve at dinner to suggest I wasn’t over my ex, when he spent hours complaining about how much of a bitch his ex was.
- John / The Personal Trainer
- Weird Super Tall Guy
- The Sweater
- The Out-of-Towner
- The 26-Year-old
- Mr Spontaneity
- Nice first date, nice follow-up date with decent sex…but this dude was obsessed with cleanliness. Like hop out of bed 5 seconds after finishing to “clean up”. He thought I wanted more than just sex, which I did, and he wasn’t ready for anything more. We are in the same industry in similar fields and we know some of the same people. I had coffee with him a few months ago but we haven’t spoken since.
- A young, hot, chef. I still remember the image of him in his low-slung jeans and big belt with no shirt on, standing in my kitchen. He had a full sleeve tattoo of his favorite fruits and vegetables. We had a fun first date where he came to my house afterwards, fucked me twice, then disappeared. He keeps coming back every couple of months to send me a cock shot and ask for a tit pic…would be funny to post his texts. I haven’t seen him since that first time.
- One of the nicest, sweetest, most sincere guys on this list. An italian dude with an epic cock who had no rhythm whatsoever, so it was completely wasted on him. We had no chemistry and the sex was terrible…but if I thought we could just be friends, I would. He actually just texted me a couple of days ago to say hi.
- The Cook
- Jason / Baseball Boy
- A guy in a city a few hours drive away, who was very kinky and would have gladly set me up with any combination of people for me. He came to my city twice… the first time we had fantastic sex on my couch and in my bedroom and he slept over, the second time was just as fantastic. I got a tattoo the next day…which is a total non-sequitur but for some reason I remember that. He’s a high school guidance counsellor of all things. He texts me every once in a while but I haven’t seen him in months.
- I should write about this dude. He was a total exhibitionist, worked in my city but lived a 90 minute drive away. The first date I drove to his city the night before a work event. We had a great dinner, fun in the spa at his gym, which included him fucking me in the change room with a massive mirror. He had a thing for mirrors. The second time I went to see him our sons, same age with the same name, played outside together and he took me into his locked office and I rode him on his desk chair. He was interested in going to a swingers club with me but things just faded due to our general lack of availability.
- One of the biggest players in this list. A guidance councillor for at-risk youth, of all things. Pursued me with the most romantic language ever, was all sweetness and light. I foolishly agreed to meet him at my place where he fucked me from behind in my kitchen. Afterwards we talked for another hour and then the next day he deleted our BBM chat history and I never heard from him again.
- The plumber. No, not something from a porn movie. Best dressed of all the men on this list, great mental and physical connection, lovely first lunch date. Second date we ended up having sex and it was terrific, but it turned out to be all he was looking for. He had the best line probably in my dating ever – I told him I thought he only wanted sex, and if I wasn’t worth taking out for a drink beforehand, I wasn’t going to fuck him. His response? “I liked it when we had a drink first at your place”. Wish I was kidding. That was the end of him.
- Naked Ironing Man
- The guy who broke up with me for not committing
- A really nice, crazy fit, 49-year-old who I met at the same time at #56. We had some great dates, he brought me flowers twice, serenaded me on his guitar, and was all an all-around terrific guy. He was great with his hands but sadly, didn’t have the same skill with anything else. I wanted to like him a lot but just wasn’t feeling it…and we just faded away.
- P / Shenanigans
- My Giant
- The third of three colleagues I slept with
- I was horny and sad at my state in dating. We met online and met that night for a drink, then I took him back to my place. He was a big, aggressive dude, and the sex was okay, but then I went away on vacation and was completely blase about him and just disappeared.
- A 23-year-old who told me he would be “my best lover ever”. Far from it. Yes, he was stupid young and I regretted it the moment he walked in my door. ‘Nuff said.
- The fuck-and-leave from my failed film festival week
- The oldest guy I’ve ever slept with
- A young, energetic dude who was funny and interesting. We had a hilarious first date where we regaled each other with dating and sex stories. We had sex…he was so keen and eager to please but his moves weren’t great and his main asset, was, um… very minimal. I felt nothing physically. Then I felt bad. We went out again for a second time as friends because he provided an interesting insight into the male mind. But he couldn’t understand that I didn’t want to sleep with him again, so I stopped responding to his texts.
- (Actually #69 but I’ve slept with too many men to keep straight) JOHNNY ID!
And that, my friends and readers, concludes my sex life story in three simple posts. I’m a little alarmed at my number, but shouldn’t be surprised. It would be way higher had I not been exclusively with my husband for 14 years. Wow.
It does make me wonder what my number will be when I shuffle off this mortal coil… my Grandmother was the belle of her retirement home, I’ll tell you that.