The next day, I decided I wanted to get exact clarity. Sometimes, I’m a glutton for punishment. I push things and ask questions even when they may hurt. But in this case, I think I needed to see the words on the page so I could make a decision about what I wanted.
- Me: Are you okay with planning dates or do you only want spontaneity? Or no dates the all, just hooking up?
- Him: Just hooking up, maybe a date here and there
- Me: Well that pretty much reduces me to a “sex girl” for you then….even if you don’t feel that way, that’s what the result will be. So, I’m clear now on both the theory and practice of what you want. If I want to hook up I will be in touch.
- Him: Okay Ann
- Me: That sounds rather indifferent
- Him: Are you interested or not?
- Me: All you want is a hook up. Fine. Doesn’t really fucking matter if you like talking to me. So if I want to get laid, no strings attached, I will get in touch. You want more of a commitment from me to have no commitment? You know I’m interested on you. It’s an unfair question.
- Him: Okay Ann, seems like you’re on the fence, just think of how good you feel when I cradle you in my arms.
- Me: Don’t do that
- Him: What?
- Me: I know exactly how good you feel. But it won’t work if mentally you make me feel like shit.
- Him: But I don’t, wtf are you talking about
- Me: I said “if”. You have laid out a new set of rules. Mostly hookups, little planning, maybe a date here and there. That’s not exactly using my awesomeness to its full advantage lol. I don’t know how I’m going to feel about that. Hence the reservations I have. But as I said, I will get in touch if I want to get laid. Feel free to do the same. Not sure of I should keep Monday free…I already switched things around for you.
- Him: Did you?
- Me: Yes, I had already asked my gf if we could switch the night when you told me you didn’t want to date anyone with a kid. I would have been a total flake to tell her to forget it.
- Him: Monday hmm…
- Me: Don’t be coy
- Him: Haha. What time?
- Me: I’m done work around 5pm so any time after that depending on where we meet.
- Him: Okay
- Me: Okay what?
- Him: I’ll think about it, I don’t like women who don’t know what they want
- Me: Are you fucking kidding me?
- Him: Sorry, I’m giving you a hard time and I really shouldn’t, you don’t deserve that. I’d be happy to see you on Monday Ann
- Me: No I don’t. At all. Don’t try to play me, P. I am not someone to toy with.
- Him: I know
- Me: So don’t fuck with me. I’ve been honest and transparent with you. Didn’t have to be. Don’t take advantage of that.
- Him: Well I look forward to hanging out again with you
We made plans to meet on Monday. Then he wanted to chat about my sexual fantasies, which we did. But he stopped responding very quickly and I got really irritated. It’s a pet peeve of mine when someone doesn’t say something like “oh hey, I’m on the phone now, will get back to you later”, or something of the sort. So I called him on it and said “For whatever reason, you aren’t really engaged in this conversation…I’m going to go to bed. Have a good sleep. Go focus on whatever else you are doing.”
And then, his next strike:
- Him: So I like that you’re still interested in me after last night..
- Me: Lol of course you do, it’s plays well to your ego. But don’t think I’m a pushover. I’m irritated.
- Him: There’s guys out there in their 40’s willing to date a woman with a kid.
- Me: Yes and in their 20s and 30s too. But there are not a lot of women out there, kids or not, who are intelligent, funny, successful, beautiful, independent, passionate, with an endless sex drive.
- Him: There’s some of those actually.
- Me: Well P you don’t need me then.
- Him: That’s flattering of you to say. You obviously have a thing for young men.
- Me: You are being a jerk and it’s unbecoming. I don’t have a thing for younger men.
- Him: Didn’t mean to be a jerk at all, sorry
- Me: Well your texts above are supremely dick-ish
- Him: Okay as much as I like our chats I think its time to say goodnight
- Me: You aren’t doing me a favour, P. The attraction is mutual.
- Him: Of course it mutual.
- Me: So then don’t say that kind of shit. We both know we could spend lots of time with lots of other people, at any time. So we shouldn’t be snarky with each other.
He then changes the subject to swingers clubs. Seriously.
Again, I don’t know why, but I texted him the next day. Over the next couple days we shot the shit about work and more fantasy talk and this and that. Nothing dramatic. I said something which I thought was nice about how I liked him, and it set off a little snark back from him. It was the first time I noticed that he could dish out the shit, but couldn’t take it at all:
- Me: You know it has nothing to with age and it’s despite your occasional lapses?
[my computer freezes at this point and my SIM card failed]
- Me: Hey my phone SIM card just failed too lol…Sorry for delay 🙂 …reboot fixed both phone and laptop. Alright back to work
- Him: My occasional lapses? Are you serious? What are you talking about?
- Me: Nothing the moment has passed. All good.
- Him: No you were onto something. What did you mean by occasional lapses? That was a stupid thing to say.
We continue to talk. Don’t judge. I learn that his longest relationship was 2 years (he’s 30) and it ended in 2011. He said he didn’t want a girlfriend since then, was just “playing around” but since he was busy with work he might want one in the next 2 years then maybe would get married. I was asking him questions about his past – which came just from being curious – and the next thing I know I get this:
- Him: What is your mindset here exactly? Are you going to continue this with me while you look for someone who wants serious? Or is what we have going what you want?
- Me: Don’t take this the wrong way but why do you care? You are actively seeking out others, you’ve said. So you want to do whatever you want with multiple people. You don’t want to date me…so I’m sincerely confused by why it would matter to you either way.
- Him: Okay whatever, forget I asked.
He gets onto our next conversation. Asking me about how my dating is going. And I get this whammy:
- Him: How’s [the online dating site] going?
- Me: My profile is hidden. You can still see me because is still have messages from you in my inbox. There are a couple guys who have been in contact for a while but I’m not in a rush to meet them. You?
- Him: Same here actually to be honest, there’s a couple girls who I could do a first date with.
- Me: So why haven’t you?
- Him: But I’m not in a rush either. Because I’m going to see how this plays out here, me and you for now.
If I didn’t know any better, I would think I was an unknowing participant in some kind of study on how to fuck with a woman’s brain.
At this point, we were still on track to meet the following Monday.