As I’ve said before, this guy provided me with so much material. Yet I find it hard to write about. Probably because I think I need to spend a lot of time explain the circumstances and background, etcetera. But honestly? I think the text messages probably just speak for themselves. So in order to purge this guy permanently from my being, I just need to share it with you.
Remember he had said he was cool with dating me. He was interested in being just with me for a while, to see where things went. After our second time together I got the following: “I’m standing here at home having a snack, in the most mellow/relaxed state ever. That was truly awesome with you today. See you. :)”
We had another date where he stayed overnight and I made breakfast for him in the morning, after some great morning sex. We talked about next dates, going out, and how fun it would be to go dancing together. All in all, things seemed to be progressing rather nicely.
We continued to chat but there was a subtle change in how much he was communicating with me. It triggered my insecurities a little bit and I was also quite curious whether he was seeing anyone else. And then it began (and sorry, it’s long – it starts with me, and the bolding is mine):
Me: Do u have others “in rotation” right now? There’s no wrong answer. I’m simply curious.
Him: Other ladies in rotation? Well since we can only hang out every other week, and since my sex drive is sky-high. Does it bug you a bit if I have another woman in rotation..?
Me: Yes and no. No, because yes makes me a hypocrite. Yes, because of course I would always love to be someone’s main focus. And honestly, I like you more than I expected to. It has surprised me. Seeing more than one person also protects me from getting hurt.
Him: You mean, you seeing more than one person protects you from getting hurt?
Me: Of course it does. When something doesn’t work out, when someone bails, or I like them more than they want to be liked, there is still potential with someone else. Hate to admit it but it’s true. I’m sure that’s true for many people.
Him: Ann…I think you caught feelings for me, I’ll admit I like you a lot too. I don’t think I’ve ever told you this but…I’m just not interested in dating and developing a serious relationship with a woman who has a child. I’m okay with going out for some drinks beforehand, but yes primarily sex based. With all due respect I say that, really. Because I do respect you. Hence why I sat down with you and told you this during our first date remember.
Me: U didn’t say u didn’t want to date. U said u didn’t want something serious. So u just want to fuck me. I can’t do that. That’s too bad.
Him: Ann I have a question, what’s the difference between dating and something serious? If I wanted to date you, but I didn’t want anything serious that would be fine? Please explain I’m interested in you. Or maybe you were hoping I change my mind. And don’t say I only want sex from you. That’s not at all true, you know me better than that. I like your company and conversing.
Me: Serious is spending a ton of time together, contemplating more, absolutely being exclusive. Dating could be exclusive but it’s not necessarily leading to something more serious, but definitely the potential is there. Depends how you feel about each other.
Him: Alright Ann, I hear you.
Me: You said above you aren’t interested in dating someone with a child. I would never expect to change someone’s mind about that. I guess we didn’t define our terms 🙂 – I didn’t expect to like someone a decade younger than me. The unexpected sometimes happens I guess.
Him: Well. I mean, I don’t want to get to the point where you introduce me to your son or family. Are you still interested in dating me?
Me: Yes of course, that didn’t change in the last 15 minutes. And I love having sex with you but don’t want that to be the only thing we are doing, or know that’s all you really want.
Him: I’m just telling you if you’re looking for a father to your son Ann, I don’t want that
Me: He already has one. I don’t need another.
Me: So why earlier say you didn’t want to date someone with a child? I’m confused…
Him: Ann we can do that, I just don’t want you to involve your child or family into the picture. That’s all. So, I’ve made it clear as to where I stand on us. Do you have any questions comments or concerns?
Me: Yeah a lot. When I quoted u above, the only definite thing you’ve said is a) you don’t want to meet to family b) don’t want to meet my son c) don’t want to be a father to my son.
Him: Well I said that because a lot of dating usually leads to increased emotions and seriousness. As long as you keep your child out of it I’m good with that. Yeah I did say that too. If it hurts you I can stop, but maybe that’s a discussion to have in person. I know you said you and your son are a package deal, and your son is the most important person in your life. I know that.
Me: Yes he is but I am so not at all thinking about integrating someone into his life. But you are crystal clear about not wanting anything to do with that part of my life. So the risk I take on continuing to see you is that I start feeling that serious about you and I will have to say goodbye. But who knows of it could even come to that. How about for now we do less navel gazing and just find some nights next week we can see each other and take it from there? I would love to take you to a couple fun spots [in that bar district]…maybe Sat the 18th for that?
Him: Yeah sure Ann, I like going out with you
Me: Great. Does that sat work? I will know tomorrow about Monday.
Him: Wait so you’re telling me our relationship has a timer on it?
Me: What? Not sure what u mean…
Him: Nevermind. Yeah it works
Me: Please let’s just chill, okay? We like what we know so far of each other. There is a strong mental and physical connection. But so much more to explore and discover. Let’s just spend some time together. Who knows what will happen.
Him: Ann, I honestly don’t know about this. I’m thinking about us and it might be time to move on. I’m thinking more casual than you about us, and I have a feeling you will end up getting really hurt if we continue building this. And I would get hurt too, don’t get me wrong.
Me: I have no idea that I feel more about u. Just surprised I want to get to know u better. Don’t take offense I just expected something different
Him: What did you expect, a one night stand? Why don’t you want to just meet up and fuck me when you get horny and available?
Me: I dunno. I guess I can do that.
Him: I honestly don’t want anything else with a woman who has a child alright. I’m going to be firm about this. If you’re interested you can let me know.
Me: I asked you the first time we chatted about how u felt about dating someone with a kid and you said “If you have them I don’t mind, I’m just not thinking about personally starting a family right now”. So what gives?
Him: Ann I just don’t want to. You heard what I said today, it wasn’t easy for me to tell you what I did tonight but I had to. I’m sorry if I hurt you tonight.
Me: Well you’ve confused me, that’s for sure. Only 4 hours ago you said “don’t say I only want sex from you. That’s not at all true, you know me better than that”…..but that is what you are saying. Because I have a child. Whose life I have no intention of making you a part of. Anyway, I have to sleep. I think you have drawn a conclusion that I am quite serious about you. Way too early for you to draw that conclusion. But there it is. Regardless of the apparent inconsistency with your earlier messages I am crystal clear now I believe. If I want a fuck, you’re good with that. And that is all.
Him: What I meant is you’re certainly not a “sex girl” for me. Ann I genuinely enjoy being with you and spending time with you. That’s the difference. That’s what I mean. It’s more than just the physical even if we label it that way. I like talking to you. Goodnight.
Me: I just want to feed back to you what you have said: you only want to fuck me, although it’s more than physical and you like spending time with me and talking to me, but you are able to keep your emotions out of it? Have I got it right yet? I want to make sure I understand before I really contemplate how to respond. Never mind, actually. I’m tired and pissed off. Goodnight for real this time.
Him: Yes, you’ve got it right. Goodnight Ann.
Whew. I tried to condense 4 hours of texting…thanks for sticking with me here.
Yes, I should have just told him to fuck off and be done with it. In hindsight, I’m not sure why I didn’t. The mixed messages, perhaps? Because I wanted the sex? Because I’d been so disappointed by NIM?
Bottom line was, we weren’t done with each other. The drama was just beginning.