The final saga of P's Shenanigans (until he calls me again)

Click here for Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, and let’s not forget the classic Volume 7.

I’m really, truly, sorry.  But hopefully it has made you laugh….more likely cringe, but I can’t really avoid telling certain stories if I’m going to maintain my honest blog status.

So like I said at the end of Volume 7, I did see him once more. There was a Friday night where I was supposed to see NIM, who bailed, per usual.  I was bored.  In a weak moment, I texted P.  It had been a week and I had a pair of shoes on that reminded me of him.  So yeah, I went there.

He asked me how my dating was going, and I told him.  He calls me a MILF then went back to some boring chit chat, including him teasing me about being high maintenance…and I didn’t rise to the bait.  Couple days later he tells me how horny he was when he woke up, and that he wanted me there with him.  He says things like:

Well good thing I’ve got you on call. Oh wait, you ask for presents along with the sex. Nevermind.

and

There’s a few things about your personality I don’t like, but I like bending you over and banging the hell out of you for a few hours that’s for sure.

I told him the feeling was mutual.

Then again back to the chit chat…and then, as per the routine, he got all sexual again. This round was about whether I wanted to be fucked by multiple guys at the same time (yes), whether I’d done it before (yes), and if I’d do it with him (maybe).

Then he gets on to my rating of our sex life. I told him he should know it was pretty good because for someone who often treats me like shit, it would need to be good for me to consider continuing to fuck him.  He told me he wanted to just spend an entire day with me to see how long I could go for.  I said sure, and the next thing I knew his evening plans were cancelled and the two of us got together.  It was a Monday at the end of March.

Between sex sessions (and no, he didn’t even stay all night), we talked about the things he thought I was.  I tried to explain to him that he was wrong.  There was no convincing him.  So when he texted it was funny that I tried “defending” myself, I put him on ignore for two days.  Then he followed it up that he didn’t think I liked “manly men”, that I “prefer a guy whose smaller and gayer”. Which is just fucking ridiculous..and I’m sure those of you who like figuring out psychology will have a field day with that comment.

He also helpfully provided his definition of high maintenance:

Higher than normal expectations, has a greater requirement for affection and attention, has more needs/demands and therefore more difficult to deal with. Doesn’t equate to money or material possessions alone but may be needy in emotional attention and affection. Picky, bratty, likes things her way. Finicky. Selfish and in it for themselves. Exceptionally needy towards men.  The type you’ll see with ugly older men that have lots of money.  She won’t drink tap water, ever. Even if it’s filtered.

Which made me fucking howl.  We were in touch for a few more days but he continued to push me on things he thought I was, and it just got more and more ridiculous. I stopped texting back.

But then, I found out about what he did to my friend: to read about that, go to this post.

I was debating whether to say anything to him. I decided to fuck with him a little bit, so we had the following text exchange:

  • Me: Hey
  • Him: Hey
  • Me: Do you consider yourself trustworthy?
  • Him: Yes, absolutely trustworthy here, why?

And I never responded back.

So…fast forward a couple of weeks.  He reached out to me on the online dating site where we met (I wrote about it on this post).  Now, I could drag this shit out, but I’m getting tired of writing about this guy.   I called him out for getting in touch with my girlfriend. I didn’t hold back on telling him he was selfish, immature, and caused me no end of grief.  Here are the highlights of his rationale and responses:

  • Him: I was just expanding my social boundaries.
  • Him: Lol, seriously? What’s wrong with you today?
  • Him: So what’s the impact of me messaging a woman on POF and referring to “Ann”?
  • Him: Okay, you’re making a big deal out of nothing, like seriously? This says a lot about you. Like I didn’t know enough about your personality already.
  • Him: You’re complicated, I don’t like it. I don’t need headaches when talking to a woman.
  • Him: Why would there be repercussions?
  • Him: I was trying to chat her up. Obviously.
  • Him: If she was smart she wouldn’t have told you about my messages, and just ignored me. Did she immediately let you know when I contacted her?
  • Him: Maybe we should just stop chatting. Too much of a personality clash here.

With that text from him, I just stopped. That was April 13th and I thought – FINALLY.  I had told him repeatedly how much of an ass he was, and watch that list of pathetic reasons and answers come through my phone.

But wait!! There’s more!! Really!!

May 1st. The first night I was with Johnny on our trip, I get:

  • Hey
  • How do you feel towards me today?
  • In comparison to a few weeks ago?

I waited until several days after I got back from my trip to respond.  I was curious what the hell angle he would have this time.  He got right back into wanting to see me, and I was very cold in response.  It didn’t deter him.  I momentarily considered using him for sex because at that point, I was (as you’ve read) quite smitten with Johnny, and sex with this guy would be absolutely no threat to our relationship whatsoever.

I’m sure many of you are saying – what the fuck, how could she even consider it – but rest assured that his next train of thought ensured it was never going to happen again. Here is the conversation, in all its astounding glory:

  • Him: To be frank, its more you than me. I think you know that.
  • Me: What do you mean by that?
  • Him: In our struggles to get along, you’re the problem.
  • Me: Why do you think that?
  • Him: You’re selfish. Bratty, high maintenance. Not accepting of personalities or lifestyles different from yours.
  • Me: Wow you don’t know me at all. But even worse is that you think you do. Your arrogance is astounding. Forget it, P.
  • Him: I’m just telling you how I feel towards you. I think you’re a nice person.

I have to pause for a moment here.  At that moment, he reminded me of my ex husband, who, after yelling at me about being a selfish bitch etc etc., said, “I’m just telling you how I feel. You say I never tell you how I feel.”

So I reiterated that he had no fucking clue, and then it went like this:

  • Him: How many times have you said that? So many.
  • Me: Well don’t worry. That’s the last time.
  • Him: Huh? Should I be reading between the lines? Okay forget about that, I’ve got a more important question for you.
  • Me: Sure what?
  • Him: What is it that you like most about me? Which of my qualities?

I swear this is an exact copy-and-paste.  Please know, at this point he had become only a social experiment to me.  I had zero plans to see him again but was so curious how he was going to respond to my just telling him exactly what I felt about him.

Later, the poor dear actually said “I’m assuming that you’re thinking I’m a solid overall package, but trying to pinpoint what really keeps you attracted to me.”

Now I know he totally deserved it, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him he was just a cock to me…and had been for a long time. As for me, he said “You’re classy, a nice conversationalist, you’re the type that I actually wouldn’t mind being seen in public with. You’re up for dating and going out if we want to.”

He said “you’re the one that knows how to please me best”.

But, as it always does, it went to shit. The last words we said to each other, after he said he would see me again if I could convince him to do so:

  • Me: Well you are being a dick. I would NEVER ask you to prove to me that you want to see me. I mean really. Is it to boost your ego? Because it comes across as “I don’t really like you all that much so I want you to convince me that you are worth my time”. You pull that shit on a regular basis.
  • Him: Blow me.

DONE. Sayonara. Good Bye. Au Revoir.

I can’t tell you how good that feels.  It felt good at the time to be done, but it feels better to purge his bullshit into the blogosphere.  I guess I should say sorry for sharing it with all of you.

I’d like to say I know for sure he won’t ever get in touch again.  I wouldn’t put it past him.  Anyone want to take any bets?

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0 thoughts on “The final saga of P's Shenanigans (until he calls me again)

    • Assuming you really want an answer to that question…

      First of all, neither NIM, P, or I, are married. There is no additional sneaking around drama and bullshit. Nobody else other than us who can get hurt. You are choosing to play around with married men even when you don’t have to, and you risk hurting not just yourself, but your husband and your children.

      Second. I knew exactly what I was getting (and not getting) from NIM. I broke up with him when he wasn’t meeting my needs, then after a while decided, very rationally and with full knowledge of the potential impacts, that I was willing to see him every few weeks for the sex. I was not looking to him for an emotional connection. I was not needing that from him. It was not to get that feeling of being emotionally desired. It was just sex.

      When I would book dates with him, it was with full knowledge that there was a chance he would bail. I expected to not see him, and it was a nice surprise when I did.

      Third. With P, yes, at first, it was bad. But experiences are a good teacher. Not unlike NIM, at some point, I knew what I was getting and what I wasn’t. I didn’t expect much from him. And the moment it became more trouble than it was worth, I let him go. I didn’t feel like I was a worse person because he was a prick to me.

      That is not the place you appear to be in. You are seeking emotional support, you want these men to desire you, make you feel wanted, and make you feel better about yourself and the situation you are in. You are looking to them to provide something they will not provide. That is my worry for you. You first need to be comfortable with what you want and who you are, and what you really need from your interactions with men. You need to know your own self-worth and from your writing, it doesn’t appear that you do. I did not rely on NIM or P for any form of emotional support. Their desiring me felt good, but I knew I was desirable without them.

      You are setting yourself up to be hurt. You are saying you “can’t control your actions”. My actions were very controled. Sometimes they weren’t very smart, I will absolutely admit that. But I owned them.

      Bottom line is, it’s all contextual. It’s not the pursuit of an unavailable men that’s at issue here. It’s why you are doing it, where your head is at, and the potential ramifications.

      • I wish I got this much support in therapy! ;). You are right, I’ve got too much emotion invested. I don’t know how to separate that. I do think experience is a good teacher and I am learning. Hopefully even in bad situations I learn how to take the lesson and move on. I think I’m getting there.
        So, when dating, you are saying take them as they come – if they meet you, they meet you – you don’t ever get your hope up?

        • The reason I keep suggesting you take a break is because it’s painfully obvious from your posts that are you aren’t in a good head space to date. Period. If you keep at it, you will get hurt. Not the good kind of learning hurt, the kind that could erode your fragile self-confidence and prevent you from healing from your marriage and pending divorce.

          It’s more than emotional investment. It’s knowing what you are getting out of the relationships you have. Knowing what you want, and what you need. Not confusing your self worth with how you get treated. These are things that take a while to figure out.

          And no, I’m not saying I don’t get my hopes up. Of course I do. I broke up with NIM in the first place because I kept getting let down by him. But you were asking about my specific situations with these two guys and why I continued.

    • I think women look to men to make them feel better about themselves. Whether it’s to feel desireable or pretty or worthy of attention. All kinds of self-esteem issues. When I read blog stories, or talk to some girlfriends, that’s what I hear over and over again.

      So they put up with the asshattery because a) they feel they are undeserving of a man treating them well, b) sometimes the men aren’t asshats and then it feels good, however fleeting, and c) if they leave, they won’t find another man who is better for them.

      I certainly was in that place when I first became single. But even then I knew what I needed – to feel desired again, and that even if a guy was a douche afterwards, that one night made me feel it. But generally my self esteem, my sense of worth, has always been intact. What I didn’t know was that I was sexually desirable…which is just one piece of self-esteem. I never thought I was a worse person because I got bailed on.

      So I put up with it partly because at times I was bored and there was nobody better in rotation, and partly because yeah, the sex was good and it made me feel good to be wanted. But not because I didn’t think I could do better, and not because I don’t think I’m worth more than that.

      Does that make sense or do I sound delusional?

  1. I really have no comment. I don’t know what to say. I have followed this piece of drama from the beginning, and was frankly surprised it went on so long. Let’s hope you have finally said “good riddance” to Full of Crap Boy. Love the blog btw

    • I’ve said goodbye to him, and I’m thinking since it’s been many weeks that he will finally stop coming back like a bad zombie movie. Only time will tell. I will be sure to write about it!

What do you think?