Is the universe conspiring *for* me?

So as anyone reading this blog knows, in the last week I have gone from being able and willing to have sex with whomever, whenever I want. But on Sunday, I “closed” my relationship with Johnny Id.

Sunday I was in another big city for work. I was supposed to meet a friend (former boyfriend / lover candidate) I called the model. Although I had decided to keep our meeting as friends only, I had a nagging doubt in the back of my mind that he might not want to keep it that way. I was worried my resolve would be tested.

I didn’t end up having anything to worry about, because he bailed. Busy with friends and family and just couldn’t make the time. This was consistent with us not ever being able to get together before.

So I decided to hang out at the bar at an outdoor restaurant in a downtown park. I drank proscecco and texted Johnny and enjoyed the sun. I was about to leave when a very handsome, roguish man sat down next to me, and we struck up a conversation.

Uh-oh, I thought, as we flirted and enjoyed some witty banter. I like to engage in flirty banter and always will, so I didn’t feel bad about that. But I was worried he was going to hit on me. Turns out I had nothing to worry about – he ended up telling me about the nine women he had in rotation. More about him in another post. So we had a nice chat, I got to tell him he was a total player, and then went our separate ways.

On Tuesday, NIM finally responded to a text of mine from a few days before (he had been sick and I was inquiring as to his health), with the following:

“I’m sorry. I just can’t deal with a relationship until I fix my work and health. I can’t have added stress of letting you down or not being enough. I can’t do it.”

So, the one local lover who would absolutely be a temptation were he to reach out and ask to see me (which has NEVER HAPPENED…it was always me reaching out) is no more. The irony for me is that he thought we had a “relationship”. I would see him maybe once every two or three weeks. We never ever had a phone conversation.  Since he said he wasn’t seeing anyone else, and probably assumed it was the same for me, he may have thought we had a relationship. But is just says to me he was fairly delusional about what a real relationship actually is.

But wait. There is more.

Also on Tuesday, I got a text from Jason, which granted was garbled (I think he’d been drinking) but basically said he was spending lots of time with the mother of his child and things were going well. I rarely ever see him, so it’s not like the threesome he was arranging was imminent anyway, but now the temptation of a fantasy fulfilled has diminished.

These are all small things.

Mercury in retrograde is fucking with me, a colleague tells me.

I land last night on a delayed flight. My ex sends me a text asking if I can talk. In the limo driving home he informs me there is a greater than 50% chance that he will be moving to a different country for work. As you may remember, I have my son every other week. Basically, there is a significant chance I’m going to be a single parent. Having my son all the time. No ability to go out with anyone – friends or more – without getting additional child care.  Never mind my recently expanded job that requires I go to another country on a regular basis – which I was doing on the weeks I don’t have my son.

So to break it all down for you. Even if I wanted to have an open relationship again, it seems that it will be nearly impossible to have enough of a social life for that to happen.  So, if I’m to believe that things happen for a reason, and there are no coincidences, I’m going to believe that the universe also believes this is a good choice.

Am I crazy?

0 thoughts on “Is the universe conspiring *for* me?

  1. Well, you ARE crazy, but I don’t think you are in this particular instance. I, too, believe things happen for a reason. I don’t know what all of the reasons for this may be, but there is certainly one for all these events.

    Also, as a father, I have to say I’m pretty disappointed that your ex is willing to give up his son entirely for a job. Obviously I don’t know all of the circumstances, but I can’t imagine any scenario where I’d willing give up any time with my children. You don’t get that time back.

    • Yeah, I should probably write about the discussion we had. I can’t help but be scarred from my own experience with my father, who left for work for 18 months when I was seven. But my ex is conflicted with what he thinks career success actually is, versus what makes him (and his son) happy. The impact to me, sadly, has no bearing on him whatsoever.

      • Well, most people aren’t generally concerned with the impact their decisions may have on their ex’s. Even sadder still, too many people don’t consider the impact their decisions will have on their children.

        My dad accepted multiple transfers when I was growing up. Sure, we had nice things, but we had them at the expense of losing every friendship we had every few years.

        Your son won’t be impressed with whatever achievements his father makes if he’s in another country achieving them.

        Sorry if I’m a bit preachy, but this is a issue very close to me.

  2. I’m very philosophical, but to the point, no, you’re not crazy. The universe is conspiring for absolutely everybody and everything, of course this is difficult even for the universe due to the irrationality of life. Hence foreboding collisions occur AS well as divine interactions. Depending upon how we are feeling derives which of these we see or envision, experience, etc.

    I personally believe it is healthy to take an objective point of view on either.

    Now, that said; Am I Crazy???

      • Certainly. Consider we never invented the means to communicate, all going about our lives in our own way, making ‘sense’ of our own inner worlds. We’d imagine everyone thinks the same. But due to communication, we realise we don’t, at all. We take from and agree with others that state things that make sense and create comfort to us in life. And argue, alienate, ignore, ostracize, victimise (as a society on the whole) others that don’t make sense to or cause upset to our own.. mind mechanics, coping mechanisms, comforts, ideologies. etc.

        Hope you enjoyed my zen induced insight, i suppose, if anything.

  3. Wow, what a roller coaster. I know it’s not always a roller coaster, but the Johnny thing is pretty much the way I imagine it if my lover were to sleep with someone else. It’s all OK until it actually happens and it’s not.

    All of the rest of it. Yes, crazy. The world. Not you. xoxoxo

  4. If it happens for a reason I do wish they would give a note with it for me to read what that might be. I think they just like toying with us and see how we handle issues thrown our way.

    Let us hope we find a way to deal with this. and bring back balance in the universe. If there would be any with the chaos theories flying around.

    Yeah life, it is party till the end. Keep on smiling.

  5. It sounds like your life is crazy! And it’s good that the universe is conspiring FOR you — that doesn’t normally happen.

    I looked into that Mercury in Retrograde thing. This is what it means for Virgos, I thought it was very interesting:
    All Mercury retrograde cycles particularly affect you in terms of your own body language and personal manner (you may feel that others misunderstand you), as well as communications involving the career or public, because Mercury rules these areas of your life. You are ruled by Mercury, so the likelihood of being misunderstood, in general, is high. Put off career decisions as well, as career matters are Gemini-ruled for you. Occurring in your solar tenth and eleventh houses this time, extra care should be exercised when communicating with friends, superiors, and co-workers. You may find that communications with bosses and co-workers, and other professional matters, can be tricky. Strive to be as clear as possible so that you are not misunderstood when dealing with the public. Put off making career decisions as much as possible for the time being. You may be re-thinking things regarding your life path, but it’s best to think rather than act for now, as your judgment may be compromised. It would be wise to be especially clear when it comes to communicating with authority figures, children, and intimate partners during this cycle; or, better yet, take this time to rethink concerns and grievances before talking about them prematurely.

  6. Oh is it Mercury now? It’s always Mercury fucking with people. I think we should share the joy and blame something on Saturn too. And possibly Venus. Why is it that no one says, fuck you venus in retrograde – you ruined my chances of getting laid tonight? It’s always poor Mercury getting it.

    Suffice to say, sometimes the universe works in mysterious ways. Usually with me saying a quiet fuck you too at the end for screwing up my life.

    • Apparently I am “ruled” by Mercury. Not my own will. Granted this does seem to have been an extraordinarily shitty 7 days so it would be great to have something to blame other than my life choices.

      Nice to have you back 🙂

      • Hahaha nothing quite as satisfying as blaming planets for shitty life days 🙂

        Thanks, life has been taken over with family. Niece’s first birthday finished so have a bottle of cider and some typing to do tonight on my own blog! Good to be back!

    • Oh, no, there has never been any debate about us sharing our son equally (despite his moving away). We both want to do what is right for our son, and agree that having both parents be a strong part of his life is absolutely the right thing.

What do you think?