So as anyone reading this blog knows, in the last week I have gone from being able and willing to have sex with whomever, whenever I want. But on Sunday, I “closed” my relationship with Johnny Id.
Sunday I was in another big city for work. I was supposed to meet a friend (former boyfriend / lover candidate) I called the model. Although I had decided to keep our meeting as friends only, I had a nagging doubt in the back of my mind that he might not want to keep it that way. I was worried my resolve would be tested.
I didn’t end up having anything to worry about, because he bailed. Busy with friends and family and just couldn’t make the time. This was consistent with us not ever being able to get together before.
So I decided to hang out at the bar at an outdoor restaurant in a downtown park. I drank proscecco and texted Johnny and enjoyed the sun. I was about to leave when a very handsome, roguish man sat down next to me, and we struck up a conversation.
Uh-oh, I thought, as we flirted and enjoyed some witty banter. I like to engage in flirty banter and always will, so I didn’t feel bad about that. But I was worried he was going to hit on me. Turns out I had nothing to worry about – he ended up telling me about the nine women he had in rotation. More about him in another post. So we had a nice chat, I got to tell him he was a total player, and then went our separate ways.
On Tuesday, NIM finally responded to a text of mine from a few days before (he had been sick and I was inquiring as to his health), with the following:
“I’m sorry. I just can’t deal with a relationship until I fix my work and health. I can’t have added stress of letting you down or not being enough. I can’t do it.”
So, the one local lover who would absolutely be a temptation were he to reach out and ask to see me (which has NEVER HAPPENED…it was always me reaching out) is no more. The irony for me is that he thought we had a “relationship”. I would see him maybe once every two or three weeks. We never ever had a phone conversation. Since he said he wasn’t seeing anyone else, and probably assumed it was the same for me, he may have thought we had a relationship. But is just says to me he was fairly delusional about what a real relationship actually is.
But wait. There is more.
Also on Tuesday, I got a text from Jason, which granted was garbled (I think he’d been drinking) but basically said he was spending lots of time with the mother of his child and things were going well. I rarely ever see him, so it’s not like the threesome he was arranging was imminent anyway, but now the temptation of a fantasy fulfilled has diminished.
These are all small things.
Mercury in retrograde is fucking with me, a colleague tells me.
I land last night on a delayed flight. My ex sends me a text asking if I can talk. In the limo driving home he informs me there is a greater than 50% chance that he will be moving to a different country for work. As you may remember, I have my son every other week. Basically, there is a significant chance I’m going to be a single parent. Having my son all the time. No ability to go out with anyone – friends or more – without getting additional child care. Never mind my recently expanded job that requires I go to another country on a regular basis – which I was doing on the weeks I don’t have my son.
So to break it all down for you. Even if I wanted to have an open relationship again, it seems that it will be nearly impossible to have enough of a social life for that to happen. So, if I’m to believe that things happen for a reason, and there are no coincidences, I’m going to believe that the universe also believes this is a good choice.
Am I crazy?