Subsequent to my re-starting my “relationship” with Naked Ironing Man (NIM) (read about it here) I knew I wanted to see him whenever I could, but to not get hurt every time he cancelled on me. I wasn’t sure if I could find that balance. Wasn’t sure if I could have more pleasure than pain out of trying to build something with him.
Timeline was as follows, in case you are having a hard time sorting it out: I reach out to him spontaneously on a Friday in mid March and we agreed to meet (part of the post above). Afterward, I did a decent job of playing it cool – suggested a date that might work – and we settled on the following Friday to meet. He bailed. What happened afterwards is the rest of the post above.
So. 1 run, 1 strike. We again set another date to meet – the following Saturday. He’s doing a decent job of staying in touch with me throughout the week. I now know that his job and work environment prevents him from texting much during the day. So I’m okay now with how much I hear from him during the day. I also know (through observation and discussion) he’s not the kind of person who is attached to their phone. He checks it for messages, responds back, then puts it down again. It’s always on silent. So conversations are stilted. Again, I know this is just how he is. I no longer take it personally (although it’s sometimes difficult).
On Saturday, he bails. Says he is sick. He is a tall, muscular, healthy guy, but his work is stressing him out so much that he’s having blood pressure issues, even with his daily medication. I knew to expect his cancellation but am still confused by it. It’s hard for me to understand how someone can like me and make choices not to see me. Hold your “hey silly, he’s just not that into you” judgement for a few minutes, please.
Saturday night, no child, no date, no sex. I wasn’t happy. But I am sincerely trying to be okay with being alone, not always having plans, not getting caught up in the hyper checking of my phone and lamenting when I’m not overwhelmed with new love interests. It’s been about four weeks since I took down my online dating profiles. At first it was hard to not go online and put them back up and see what was out there. But I was (am!) trying to focus on NIM and my Giant and to get more comfortable in my head.
My friend Katharine is appalled and concerned that I’ve chosen to stay in, dateless. My personal trainer, who is a decade younger and who is also a fitness model, texted me to see if I wanted to go out with her and her new boyfriend and his friends. It’s tempting.
I feel very empowered and say no, and instead I do the following:
- wrote a blog entry or two
- tackled the gigantic pile of paper on my desk that built up since I moved in
- created new files for said paper
- gathered and uploaded all of the documentation for the two sets of taxes that I have to do (this was a several hour job that I’d been putting off for a while)
- sorted out my son’s schedule for the next few months (which had to be adjusted due to some upcoming vacations)
- responded to emails I’d been putting off
Because I’m peeved, I send NIM a pretty bitchy email, about the fact that since he has chosen to not see me, the consequence of that is that we won’t see each other until May because I’m traveling and have my son two weeks in a row, etcetera.
The next morning, I realized that I will get nowhere with what might be interpreted as trying to guilt him into seeing me (to be fair to me, I did explicitly say I wasn’t trying to guilt him but that I wanted him to be aware of the timeline, should he decide to not see me any time the rest of the weekend). I also realized that I have tickets to a sports event the next Friday night and I don’t have my son.
I send him a follow-up email. I invite him to the game and tell him there is NO WAY he is allowed to cancel on me. He says he can’t commit to being there on time because his boss is out sick, but he can see me later that night.
We send some smokin’ hot photos back and forth throughout the week. He loves photos. Loves stockings and garters. I start sending him a “pic of the morning” each morning. Few different stocking / garters / fishnet pics, me naked with my hand between my legs, my breasts, you know, the usual.
I haven’t had sex in 10 days and I’m going a little squirrely. I can’t masturbate enough to ease the pressure.
Will he follow through and put me out of my misery?