My Giant…shows his soft underbelly (#7)

Continued from My Giant fu*ks me proper & fixes my car (#6)

I got home from the drive, picked up my son, and The Giant’s and my conversation continued over text.  He asked what I was doing the following weekend and we agreed that he would take the train or bus here on Friday.  He asked if he could stay for two nights – and I said:

To be perfectly honest, I have a historical habit of jumping in too fast. Am trying to not do that and get myself in too deep before I really know someone. So while two nights sounds luxurious and it may be great it also makes me nervous. Not for any known reason. So perhaps see what options you have for sat afternoon and sun morning and we can go from there? I hope you understand. I don’t want to be hurt or hurt you. And the only thing I really have to do on Sat is get ready for a get together I’m having on Sun with my cousins.

He responded: I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or nervous. I’m not worried, I’m glad you want to be careful about rushing into anything.  🙂 i feel the same way, it’s always gotten me into trouble too.

This seemed good.

He did considerate things like tell me that a female friend he was having dinner with wasn’t a “friend with benefits”.  I try to do those kinds of things as well, when I like someone and I want them to know I’m not messing around.  I thought this was a good sign.

Since I seem incapable of fidelity (maybe unwilling is a better term) at this particular juncture, I had no intention of canceling my other plans because I liked the Giant.  On Tuesday that week, I was a bad girl with a colleague.  Then on Thursday, I had the Russian over.  Sorry if anyone was holding out hope for me.  But Friday? Friday belonged to the Giant.

When I asked him on Wednesday to confirm Friday, we had the following exchange:

  • Him: I’m not sure, I really need to get my car done. I think another time would be better if that’s ok? I really do want to see you but I need to get my affairs in order.  I hope you can understand. I definitely do want to see more of you but this is weighing on me.
  • Me: I’m disappointed but understand where your priorities need to be.
  • Him:Thanks for understanding , I’m disappointed too. Can we make it another time? I really do like you. 🙂
  • Me: Next weekend I have my son. Weekend after that I’m away, then I have my son again…so the next time I’m free on a weekend is mid March…and I may be traveling to visit a friend in XXX that weekend.
  • Him: Oh, I see. Well let me know when you’re free, I really do want to see you again. I had a great time with you and I think you’re terrific.  😀
  • Me: Me too. And knowing my sched was kinda why I was hoping we could see each other this weekend.

We went back and forth a bit more on this, then dropped it.  I was disappointed and a bit confused – and in talking to a couple close girlfriends about it, they both said it seemed like this was a full-on bail and if he was really into me, he would come visit.  After thinking a bit about it, I agreed with them and sent him this:

I’ve been thinking a bit more. It’s honestly bugging me that you can’t come see me…even when I’m free on fri and sat and both those nights. I get you need to fix your car but feels like that if you really wanted to, you’d find the time to make it work.

He sent me the following email in response.

I started this as a text response but it soon got too big for the medium so i shifted it here.

It’s not only my car that’s at issue (though that’s the primary one), but none of the reasons have anything to do with you or my feelings towards you. I just didn’t feel it appropriate or fair to burden you with them and I wanted to avoid feelings of pity or a sense of obligation to offer help or “rescue me”. My independence is important to me as I’m sure yours is to you.
As of the nasty surprise of last week my income has dropped in an already strained budget. I really need to make sorting things out here a priority and that starts with my car.  A bus ticket and incidentals for an overnight excursion to see you might seem like a trifle but in my current circumstances it isn’t when faced with car repairs and uncertainty about my income until after recovery from my surgery.
It has nothing to do with not wanting to see you because I do. I had no idea you’d be otherwise unavailable until late March though of course I know you have you son on alternating weeks and was willing to work around it.  Please don’t over think this and try to understand; meeting you, while wonderful, has come at a very, very, difficult time. I wish that it were otherwise but sometimes we can’t control timing.
I’m supposed to have my surgery in March and ought to be back at work a month or so after. ‎While that job itself was taken as a stopgap I will then be able to resume my search for more gainful employment. While I’ve never earned a six figure income I have had much more rewarding jobs both recently and in the past.
‎I really do desire that we can continue this relationship and once I get myself back on my feet it can hopefully flourish. ‎ It’s very important to me that you know the reason I can’t see you this weekend has nothing to do with my feelings for you.  I’m certainly not seeing anyone else, nor do I have any desire to and I’m not even in communication with anyone else. It’s definitely not a case of the grass being greener anywhere else!

I had even thought seriously about taking down my profile for other reasons but was afraid that it might unwittingly signal to you that I was wanting to move too quickly.   Not having the complete picture can, I imagine, lead you to jump to conclusions about my motives but I can promise there’s no one else I’d rather be getting to know better than you. I just need to be in the right place with my self to be able to do so as an equal and getting through this current crisis is what I need to do right now.

Perhaps I’m not very good at ‎the nuances of dating, it’s a fine line between seeming over eager and disinterested so I’ll just make my self plain.
I like you a lot, the kind of person you are, your innate kindness and your spirit, your laugh, your intelligence and sense of fun, your thoughtfulness, your sexuality, the way you feel in my arms, the way you kiss me.  I want to keep seeing you, I think we’re very well suited in most regards. I’m willing to work around your schedule and would even consider moving to XXX if things were to get serious and develop to that point (not that I want to rush things though).

All I’m asking for is your patience and trust.

I texted him back and told him I was touched by what he said (which I was).  He said he was “despondent” at the thought of never hearing from me again.  I offered to drive to him on Friday so we could spend another night together, and he was thrilled.

Turns out Friday night was Valentine’s Day.  Was I actually going to have a Valentine this year?


0 thoughts on “My Giant…shows his soft underbelly (#7)

  1. This is all very interesting and it takes me back to my years of dating. I got married very late in life, so I had decades of dating in New York. It was almost always enjoyable, even when we didn’t end up in bed (which always seems to be the endgame, doesn’t it?) Since I’m committed (or should be, ha, see what I did there?) I’ll have to live vicariously through your dalliances. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

    • Yes, it does seem like many treat sex like an endgame…it’s just one of many, for me!

      I will try to make my dalliances worthy! I can just hear my next online dating exchange – “look, dude, are you going to give me a blog-reader-worthy night?”

  2. Your life really is an adventure, my new friend.
    At least this guy is really trying – as he should!
    After all, you’re a prize worth fighting for.

What do you think?