"Do you like ass play?"

I guess the benefit of an intensive online dating program is that you get to see consistencies and patterns pretty quickly.  I already wrote about Phone Sex Abandonment (as I have termed it), as one example.  I reblogged a particularly brilliant online dating profile that summarized several.  There are many others.

When I first signed up for online dating, I joined the “intimate” section of one particular dating site.  I missed my faraway lover, wasn’t having sex, was horny, and needed to feel attractive again.  I was also bored, since it was the week before I was to move out, my ex had gone away on a business trip, and I was home sick with something that kept me bedridden for the week (I won’t bother grossing you out with the details).

I wanted to have sex, hopefully on a regular basis, with the same person.  Great physical chemistry was exceedingly important to me, and I wanted to find someone who was willing to experiment and was open about their sexuality. In a perfect world, we’d also go on great dates.  I believed that this site would have people who wanted something similar.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

There were some quality guys there (Ariel, Naked Ironing Man, and Jason, for example).  They were the minority, however.  Most of the traffic on that site was – shocker!! – related to hookups.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the kinds of questions I would get asked.

At first, I figured this was just the nature of the “intimate” section.  But sadly, there are similarities to the “normal” dating site questions as well (I would assume not Christian Mingle…but I’ve never been on there).

Here are my favourite questions (some were actually opening lines!) that I collected during my time on that site:

  • Can I make a hot mess of your face?
  • Do you like ass play?
  • Do you like anal?
  • When did you last get laid?
  • Have you had a FMF or MFM threesome? [confession: it took a minute to figure that out the first time]
  • Are you shaved or trimmed?
  • What are you doing tonite? [followed closely by] Can we fuck?
  • How big are your tits?
  • Have you ever been to a swingers club?
  • Tell me about a sexual fantasy?

Generally, I answered all of these questions honestly.  Depending on the context of the conversation they occurred within, it was kinda hot.  But I also shared stuff way too fast with dudes who ended up going silent.  So I learned to pace the information I put out there.

At least this has given me good party conversation fodder when married and straight-laced people ask me what online dating is like!


P.S.  For those of you who haven’t been on OKCupid…brace yourself…in order to match you with others, these are the kinds of questions you will be asked…is nothing sacred?!

0 thoughts on “"Do you like ass play?"

  1. I just recently deactivated my OKC profile.

    I do have to say though, I never got asked those questions.

    I don’t know if it had anything to do with the fact that I stated clearly in my profile quite a few times that I wasn’t after a casual shag and that they weren’t going to get any from me.

    Or the fact that I generally got the shits pretty quickly and started trolling them if they thought to even go there after I said I’m not interested in them sexually.

    • The “normal” dating sites were definitely better – I got fewer of those comments for sure. But I’m sure that yes, because I would sometimes be open to talking about sex, that made a difference. I was still surprised how quickly, once the topic was broached, some of those questions were asked.

      • How interesting. I only used OKC. Not other sites.

        I didn’t mind talking about sex in general. A lot of people wanted to talk about BDSM which I had no issue with. But shut them down pretty quickly if I felt it was getting personal.

  2. My wife and I met eight years ago through Match.com. We had both been recently divorced after long marriages, and both had custody of our two children — one boy and one girl each. Aside from realizing the many similarities in our back stories and desire to finally be in a strong physical relationship, one of our first conversations was about not understanding what all the lingo (i.e., FMF, MFM, WTF) meant. I thought TTFN was some kind of reference to “titty f***ing!”

    Sorry, Tigger…

    • So glad to hear there are good stories coming out of online dating! I too had no idea about any lingo, texting or sexual…I only ever had a phone for work and they didn’t allow text messaging. I got an iPhone after I moved out figuring I would sound like a total loser saying “oh I’m sorry, I can’t text you”!

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