I guess the benefit of an intensive online dating program is that you get to see consistencies and patterns pretty quickly. I already wrote about Phone Sex Abandonment (as I have termed it), as one example. I reblogged a particularly brilliant online dating profile that summarized several. There are many others.
When I first signed up for online dating, I joined the “intimate” section of one particular dating site. I missed my faraway lover, wasn’t having sex, was horny, and needed to feel attractive again. I was also bored, since it was the week before I was to move out, my ex had gone away on a business trip, and I was home sick with something that kept me bedridden for the week (I won’t bother grossing you out with the details).
I wanted to have sex, hopefully on a regular basis, with the same person. Great physical chemistry was exceedingly important to me, and I wanted to find someone who was willing to experiment and was open about their sexuality. In a perfect world, we’d also go on great dates. I believed that this site would have people who wanted something similar.
I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
There were some quality guys there (Ariel, Naked Ironing Man, and Jason, for example). They were the minority, however. Most of the traffic on that site was – shocker!! – related to hookups.
What I wasn’t prepared for was the kinds of questions I would get asked.
At first, I figured this was just the nature of the “intimate” section. But sadly, there are similarities to the “normal” dating site questions as well (I would assume not Christian Mingle…but I’ve never been on there).
Here are my favourite questions (some were actually opening lines!) that I collected during my time on that site:
- Can I make a hot mess of your face?
- Do you like ass play?
- Do you like anal?
- When did you last get laid?
- Have you had a FMF or MFM threesome? [confession: it took a minute to figure that out the first time]
- Are you shaved or trimmed?
- What are you doing tonite? [followed closely by] Can we fuck?
- How big are your tits?
- Have you ever been to a swingers club?
- Tell me about a sexual fantasy?
Generally, I answered all of these questions honestly. Depending on the context of the conversation they occurred within, it was kinda hot. But I also shared stuff way too fast with dudes who ended up going silent. So I learned to pace the information I put out there.
At least this has given me good party conversation fodder when married and straight-laced people ask me what online dating is like!
P.S. For those of you who haven’t been on OKCupid…brace yourself…in order to match you with others, these are the kinds of questions you will be asked…is nothing sacred?!