In the now 7 months since I started dating again, I’ve become more comfortable with the notion that some guys – especially those looking for sex – are like boomerangs. They come back. Many guys I saw in the early fall ended up being one-night stands, whether I wanted them to be or not. What has astounded me is the number of these men who boomerang.
One notable example is The Chef – not to be confused with The Cook. This young guy (29) is actually a professional chef. He was the second young guy I agreed to meet off an online dating site (the first was the messed-up 26 year-old), and it was partially because his profession was interesting. He had a full sleeve tattoo on one arm – of his favorite fruits and vegetables. I no longer remember our online dating interactions, but I do remember our first date.
He was funny and interesting and because I’m a bit of a foodie, we had a great talk about all kinds of things food-related. He was cute, too, so that certainly helped. I invited him back to my place after we had drinks and we got off (pardon the pun) quite well. While not as tall as I would like, he had the energy and enthusiasm of a 29 year-old, had a nice cock, decent skills, and he looked super hot with no shirt in his slightly low slung jeans with the big metal belt buckle and the lovely abs…sigh…I still remember that vision.
We had sex twice – once in my kitchen with me sitting on the big sturdy island stool, and the second time in my bedroom. I wasn’t finished at all, and he told me he had to go. I was irritated. When he left he said “I will see you again for sure” and I remember thinking – yeah, probably not.
Sure enough, I never heard from him. I didn’t blast him on text because I knew it was just a hookup so wasn’t overly fussed. But it was still annoying because he was hot and it was fun. The date? October 22nd. Gosh, calendars come in handy.
Fast forward to the end of December – might have been Christmas day. Out of the blue, I get a text message from him. The summary of our conversation was this:
- Him: Hey, sorry I haven’t been in touch. I lost my phone and all the info on it.
- Me: Really? How dumb do you think I am? You fuck me and leave before I’m satisfied and I never hear from you again.
- Him: Can we fuck?
- Me: No.
- Him: Will you send me a pic of your tits? You are so smoking hot.
I was flattered at some level but not amused. I had not yet learned that this is just how it goes. If you want a young boy toy, expect flakiness and stupidity and be patient and they will come back. Usually at midnight on a day I have my son. But they will try. Bottom line is you need a few of them to have any regular boy toy sex whatsoever.
Needless to say (well, actually, it’s not needless to say at all – it’s quite possible I would do anything) I didn’t see him. I deleted the message history and forgot about it.
Fast forward to March 15, midnight. I had spent the prior night and until noon that day with Naked Ironing Man. I was completely sexually satiated – rare indeed – alone in bed and about to sleep. This is VERBATIM:
- Him: Hey
- Me: Hey
- Him: How are you?
- Me: Great thanks, you?
- Him: Im pretty good just playing with myself wanna help?
- Me: Oh so sweet…you thought of me
- Him: [BOOM! COCK SHOT!]
- Me: Nice. Little unexpected. [it was nice; don’t judge]
- Him: Can you take a pic for me to cum to?
- Me: Sorry darling I’m not alone.
- Him: Did you get laid tonight
- Me: Last night and this morning until noon, yup
- Him: Take a pic of your sweet tits for me please
- Me: I can’t sorry.
- Him: Please?
- Me: I’m sorry but no. Just remember fucking me on the stool in front of my kitchen island and I’m sure you’ll do just fine 😉
- Him: Do you have any pics that I can see? That was hot tho. I want to cum on your tits.
I was tired of playing and went to sleep. Since then, he’s been in touch every few days, asking how I am and – like Saturday at midnight: “Hey, wanna bang?”
Right now there are “only” three guys in my rotation (yeah, sure, mock the use of “only”, like my married girlfriends do):
- P, the 30 year-old boy-toy who has been fired for bad behaviour (Wow, that’s awkward),
- Naked Ironing Man, who I might see every three weeks, and
- My Giant, who lives in a different city and therefore don’t see regularly.
Given the above, I decided I AM going to take applicants for the boy-toy position which has come open. The Chef might meet the job requirements. I told him I couldn’t bang because it was too late (the sad truth was I was doing my taxes and filing on a Saturday night because NIM bailed on me yet again, and I was simply feeling sorry for myself and too exhausted). He sent me a video of him masturbating. It was kinda hot.
We’ll see whether he accepts the second-round interview offer, and how he performs.