I’ve written before about my friend and I having the same guys reach out (or not) to us on dating sites. One of them was the 30 year-old whose shenanigans I’ve been promising to write down…I’m building the long list of stupid and/or mean stuff he’s said to me. But I just couldn’t resist sharing this incident, in advance of y’all knowing more about him. I will call him “P”. Because of his name and also because it’s the first letter in PRICK.
On Monday night, I had P over. This was after after-work drinks with my friend and a friend of hers. His plans had been cancelled and he asked me if we could hook up. The sex is good so I said sure, why not.
In the course of the post-coital conversation I mentioned to P that he had good taste because he had also reached out to a girlfriend of mine online. He’s only on one dating site so it narrowed it down. I think I said she was also 40 and may have vaguely mentioned she was in a much different business than I. He started asking me who it was – of course I wouldn’t tell him. We’d fool around and then he’d ask again. I finally told him to just forget it – that it was private and I wasn’t about to give him her “handle”.
Fast forward to the next day. My friend sends me a screen shot of her inbox… P hasn’t reached out to her since March 7**, and now there’s an email from him that says “Hi…what kind of business are you in”?
Date of sending? That day. I’m super peeved. I tell her that “he’s fishing…since I mentioned there was someone else he reached out to that I know”. As usual, she doesn’t respond to him. We both figure that’s the end of that.
Nope. Just wait.
Yesterday, P sends her ANOTHER email. This time, it says something about how he likes her profile and that she has some “similar pictures to Ann“.
What. The. Fuck.
So of course she is now pissed at me, thinking I’d given him her handle. She sends me a text that says “let’s forget this happened, but can you in future please not mention me to your dates?” When we talk on the phone I tell her that I didn’t give him her handle and he must have just figured it out (of course, I thought he must have reached out to many 40 year-olds but I guess not). Thank goodness we are good friends because that could have ended really badly. I am angry at myself for ever saying anything to him.
Now this is last night and I’m still super pissed off (hence writing RIGHT NOW). To make matters worse I have a lovely gentleman staying here with me – one who is very much falling for me. More to come on that. So I can’t exactly be all distracted because of a lover he doesn’t even know I have.
I recognize I haven’t shared all the shitty things this guy has done, but I’ve been questioning for a while why I still have him around. He’s not particularly nice to me, but he likes fucking me. This episode takes the cake. I have no idea what game he is playing here (of course, any insight is most appreciated!). It’s not like she’s ever displayed interest. He’s violated that “fourth wall” of pretending the audience isn’t there, if I can use the principle to apply to online dating. He’s caused an annoying ripple between my friend and me. It seems like he’s baiting me.
Of course, now I have to figure out what to do, if anything. If I call him out, then he’ll know he was right. That further violates my friend’s privacy and who knows over the last several months what I’ve told him about her in casual conversation. On the other hand, I want to smack that beautiful face and tell him he’s an immature asshole and that the door to this MILF is finally shut to him.
Of course, he’s not texting me right now anyway. Which is somehow even more infuriating that I don’t get the chance to treat him like shit, after all that he has done to me. I have deleted our text history (after saving it to my computer, of course…which is how I remember all the stuff I need to write my blog!) so his name doesn’t show up like a reminder. I have promised myself that I wouldn’t text him. It’s really hard.
All this is being typed while this lovely guy is downstairs, cooking me dinner.
Maybe I do need a therapist. Sigh. Any free advice out there?
** If you’ll pardon the footnote. It’s ironic to me that the last date he had reached out to her, March 7th, is the date that out of the blue, since a spat and after several weeks of not talking, he sent a “text to phone” message to my home number (which he had looked up off the internet). It’s definitely true that the ones that come back out of the woodwork only do so after they have exhausted their other options (see Truths we prefer not to admit)