Truths we prefer to not admit.

The stark reality is that if a guy reaches out to you online, then doesn’t contact you again for a few days or longer, he is having sex with someone else.

You were not so appealing to him that he stopped getting it on with all others.

When he then reaches out a week later, or maybe even three weeks later, out of the blue, so it would seem, it’s because he’s stopped sleeping with that someone else. Or elses. Or maybe just got bored, or she’s gone out of the country and he’s horny.

So he comes back to the dating site (if he ever left it) and you are next on his list. Perhaps with several others as well. Who will bite first? Who will hook him with a compliment or witticism? Who will agree to meet him first?

This cycle repeats.

How do I know? Because it’s not that different from what I’ve been doing. I have these moments of frustration or loneliness or rejection (most common trigger for me, I think) and I go onto a dating site and the next thing I know, I’ll talking to someone new. But perhaps I just was having a moment and one of the guys who I think is no longer interested gets back to me, and then I’m trying to keep the new guy chatting. With having my son every week, I sometimes find that it’s been three weeks and I’ve been busy with other guys and realize I must sound like a total flake because I’ve never made a date with someone.

For me, it’s the thought of having no prospects whatsoever that is daunting. I always want a “pipeline” for when the inevitable disappointment or rejection occurs. Same with a friend of mine who also split from her ex around the same time. She had a bout of serious doubt last week when she realized there was nobody pursuing her. Of course by this week it’s changed, and she had three dates in a week, but that moment of – oh my god nobody likes me – is a hard one to get comfortable with.

I realize now that in doing this, some of the men I might otherwise have dated probably wrote me off because I seemed to difficult to meet. While my calendar is off limits the weeks I have my son, and I’m also trying to focus on girlfriends, the reality is that I can make lots of time for someone if I want. What am I missing out on, by trying to not miss out on anything?

0 thoughts on “Truths we prefer to not admit.

  1. I was seeing this guy off and on for 3 weeks. Did not meet him online, but knew him from years ago. He was a nut job. He’d pick an argument and stop talking to me, then contact me again every Tuesday. I caught him in a lie when he slipped and said he’d gone out with his ex. He is a total blogworthy story for later!

  2. Pingback: Wow, that’s awkward. | ann st vincent

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