Why does he like my friend and not me? Episode 3.

I suppose it’s bound to happen.  A close girlfriend of mine, who split from her ex about a month after me, is on a couple of the same dating sites as me.  I live in a big city.  It never occurred to me that our dating adventures would cross paths, but is has now happened THREE TIMES.  Not in my favor.  Ugh.

Although I live in a huge city, I suppose it’s possible that guys will come across both of us because we are both tall and blonde and live in the city and are professional women.  We are also looking for guys with similar characteristics (to a point) so I also guess it makes sense that we may find the same guy appealing.  Sometimes, we would share their “handle” or photo just to make sure we don’t tread on each other’s “territory”.

Yes, I skipped ahead to Episode 3.  Episode 2 is really long and I definitely need to share some of the dude’s texts.  It was kind of crazy and I don’t think I handled it well.  So I’m putting off the embarrassment by not writing about it just quite yet.  Episode 1 is short but involves my old boss and well, it’s humorous so I guess I should get off my duff and write about that.

#3 is probably the one that stings the most.  As my Mom said, “of course it hurts honey, any form of rejection hurts”.  This guy had an amazing profile – tall, handsome, well dressed, smart, professional, funny, has a kid, has his shit together.  When I first joined my second dating site, I found him almost immediately.  He was the first man I emailed on the site.  He never responded….but I could see that he had read the email just never deleted it.  I held out some hope that perhaps it meant he was just taking his sweet time getting back to me.  Never heard back.  His profile disappeared for a while and I never really thought about him again.

Fast forward a couple of months.  I join a new site.  Look!  There he is!  He shows up as a match, both on the site and in those emails they send.  Feeling all courageous and witty, I send him an email that says something like “I don’t want you to think I’m stalking you across multiple dating sites, but I just joined here and you showed up on my list of potential matches.  Perhaps they know something we don’t?  Would love to hear back from you”.  Again, NO RESPONSE.

Fine. Be that way.

So my girlfriend is telling me via text about this completely amazing guy who she’s going on a date with last week, how hot, smart, etc, he is.  I ask for a photo.  Now you already know what’s coming.  Yup, it’s him.  All I say is “oh yes I know his profile…great catch”.  Meanwhile I’m super steamed.  I momentarily think uncharitable thoughts about how damaged she still is and why the fuck didn’t he think I was hot enough to respond to me?  I’m away with my Mom at this time and I tell her how much this is bugging me…when she shares the advice above.

I guess the reality is that it IS a rejection when somebody doesn’t respond to you – no matter how small a rejection it is – the person is saying, by not saying anything at all, that you aren’t the one for them.  Normally you can easily move on because there are so many other fish in the proverbial sea.  But when that person chooses a friend…. well…. it’s like high school all over again.  It feels shitty.  I, who never have trouble sleeping, woke up in the middle of the night thinking about it. Fantasizing about meeting him when we are all at an event together…wondering if he wouldn’t recognize me.  What I would love to say but of course wouldn’t because it would make me a) a weirdo, and b) a terrible bitch of a friend.

The dates she had with him were fantastic.  First one was a drink that lasted 2.5 hours.  Second was a long and romantic dinner.  I’ve been a good friend by listening and encouraging because the reality is, he didn’t think I was for him.  I’m sure if it works out and I end up meeting him, he will of course regret it (if he even remembers what I look like!).  On all fronts, this guy is perfect.  Except, apparently, he’s an incredibly sloppy kisser, which she discovered at the end of the second date.  My friend doesn’t know if she can handle it.  What I know for sure is that I won’t even try to get her sloppy seconds.

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