While my ex and I have a pretty amicable relationship, as divorced (well, separated, but it’s as over as it’s going to be until one of us wants to bother with the paperwork) people go, there are moments I am reminded that I’m really happy we are no longer together.
For example, on the first day of school…my son is starting kindergarten, and we have both walked him to school. We are standing in the schoolyard and my ex is going crazy with stress about when the hell they are doing to start because…well… just because he can sometimes be an impatient asshole. I took a deep yoga breath (several) and just said I didn’t know when they started and if he had to go, he should just go. At that moment, I thought it was terrific that I didn’t have that stress in my life every. single. morning.
On a coffee date last week, my date asked me why I’m no longer married to my ex. I didn’t really want to have that conversation so I tried to be vague. He persisted. I tried to shut it down by giving a few examples, including that occasionally when he got angry he said really really mean and hurtful things. This guy wanted examples – which I didn’t give. But of course, after the date, some of those memories came floating back. The damage is behind me now and I have no intention of writing it down, at least not today.
BUT…it also reminded me of the line that I shared with all of my close girlfriends, because it demonstrated to me just how much of a selfish prick he could be.
When my son was little, I breastfed. While my ex was involved in bedtime and feeding (I expressed milk) at times, as my son got older, he stopped doing it. By the time he was a year, it was all me at bedtime. I did the bath, teeth, book reading, everything. One night I asked my ex whether he would please consider doing the evening routine once in a while. He said “no”. I said “why?”, and he said:
I’m just not interested in doing that.
And that was the end of that!