I refer of course to the expression relating to affairs and sex with co-workers, don’t shit where you eat. Although when preparing to write this, I realize I’ve been involved with four men who work for the same company. But since this company is so large, I’ve only broken the rule once with someone in really close proximity (the fooling around with a co-worker while still married dude).
My second dalliance I should definitely write more about – he lived a several-hour-plane-ride-away and we fell in love. after falling in lust. It was heady and exciting and I think about him as being responsible for my sexual awakening. We are both now split from our exes but it’s just not meant to be.
I’ll skip the third – not because he’s not worth writing about but because I want to get to the recent.
About a month ago, we had a huge party at a hotel to celebrate a milestone at work. People came from cities within a couple of hour radius. About 700 people in total.
A female colleague and I were milling about the party, drinking our wine and enjoying the food. In walks this guy who we both notice at once. Tall, extraordinarily handsome, shaved head, built, well dressed, exuding confidence. She says “where the fuck has he been all this time” since neither of us have ever seen him before. Now, she’s married and I’m not, so I have dibs. I do a subtle (well, an attempt to be subtle) walk around to try to see his name tag. Nope, we’ve never heard of him.
I was one of the senior folks giving speeches and kicking off the event. He was standing near the stage with the group of guys he arrived with. I’m usually really comfortable giving speeches but in this case, noticing him standing 10 feet away from me and thinking about how hot he was…I almost lost my train of thought.
After the speeches I see he and the pack of guys he is with are chatting with someone I work with very closely. I felt a bit like a lioness stalking prey. Since I knew I was going to be on stage, and this was partly my party, I had gotten a blow out of my hair that afternoon, was wearing a fantastic dress and heels, and felt really darn good about how I looked. I sauntered over to the group…and got introduced to him and his team.
Fast forward several hours. We’ve been chatting off and on for most of the evening…I’d go wander to talk to other people, but would come back to him. He would do the same. My colleague chatted with him for a while…providing her own input to me after the fact. I mention I’m divorced. So is he. Two kids, both around the age of my son. He lives a 2 hour drive from here. I find myself thinking that anything can be overcome. We talk about jobs, work, everything. He’s nice, funny, thoughtful…and oh my god so smoking hot I can barely stand it.
I feel on top of the world. I feel bold. So…after several drinks, we are both at the bar together and I say – “I’ve made a resolution to be more bold this year, so I just wanted to tell you I think you are smoking hot”. He laughs and says how kind that is. He doesn’t repeat the compliment back. Then he tells me he has a girlfriend and he’s so sorry if he led me on, hopes I’m not mad at him, etc.
Now, I’ve been told I have a pretty expressive face. I hope it didn’t show that I was horrified at the release of this information…after we’ve spent several hours chatting and flirting (a friend said after it was absolutely not one-sided and you could read the mutual attraction from across the huge room) he didn’t bring this up at all. I said – well, good for you and that’s too bad – and he says…wait for it…WELL LET’S SEE HOW THE NIGHT PROGRESSES.
At this point, I remember thinking “yeah whatever, he’s just taking pity on me” and spent most of the rest of the evening on the dance floor and chatting with other people. There was definitely self-pitying frustration on my part that all the good men are taken, blah blah. I commiserated with my gal pals a bit. I moved on.
He was one of a hundred people staying at the hotel that night. Since I was the party host (and because I was having a great time) I needed to be there to the very end. There were a number of people who wanted to keep partying so we decided to go to the hotel bar – he was one of them. I was at the coat check getting my coat and bag and he walks up to me, puts his key card in my purse, whispers his room number in my ear and says “I hope you use it”. WTF?
I don’t remember any of the conversations at the hotel bar. I know I paid for the group but couldn’t tell you what I drank. I know he sat close to me. I was extremely aware of the moment he got up and said goodnight. I HOPE that I waited more than 5 minutes before I left.
Now…in retrospect, I suppose I could be labeled
a bad person [no, that’s not right] a slut [maybe] someone with low self-esteem [needing validation from men? without therapy, who knows…] – or all of the above…because I knew he had a girlfriend and that probably made him an asshole for picking me up. But he didn’t say how serious it was. I knew it probably wouldn’t lead to anything but literally, he was exactly my type. I was also intoxicated. By the success of the job I’d just completed, the party, the alcohol, and by him.
So, up I went.
I wish I could tell you that he also had an amazing cock and we fucked for hours and his girlfriend wasn’t that serious and he’s now texting and seeing me on a regular basis. Alas it was not meant to be. We had a very hot, steamy, tear-the-clothes-off start to our rendezvous, we did get each other off a few times, and I stayed there until 7am, but some things got in the way of success:
Issue #1 | “Whisky Dick” >> His phrase. This beautiful stud of a man could not get it up. In the 6 hours I stayed with him in his hotel room, I got maybe 5 minutes . Nothing I did – and I tried everything in my power – could fix the hydraulics issues. This was a major letdown.
Issue #2 | “The Girlfriend” >> Yeah, turns out she’s pretty serious. After the first round of unsuccessful sex, we chatted for a long time. They’ve spoken about moving in together. He told me he’d “never done anything like this before” and that maybe he should re-think how he feels about her. Not so sure I believed his assertion.
Issue #3 | Lack of Reciprocity >> Perhaps it was the guilt, but he did not return any of the compliments I gave him. After our chat, he nodded off, and I thought to myself – what the fuck am I doing here…this dude has a girlfriend…he’s given you nothing to work with…just go home and sleep. Don’t do a 7am walk of shame. I got up and he instantly woke up. I said I was going to go, and he asked if he’d done anything to offend me. I said no he hadn’t but it was feeling very one-sided and that I was pretty sure I wasn’t mis-reading the signals he was sending me all evening. It was only in that moment where he said (essentially) – you are gorgeous and powerful and sexy a real catch and he wished his situation was different.
When I left early that morning I told him that if his situation ever changed, he should look me up. But that he was welcome to keep in touch. He said fuck yeah I’ll keep in touch. In the taxi I went, hung over, unkempt, and not even really well fucked.
The next week, we had this text exchange:
- him: just heading out but thought i’d give a quick hello
- me: thanks…nice to hear from you. i do confess to thinking about you a couple of times since last week ; )
- him: your to nice!
- me: never too nice
- him: gotta grab the kido’s so enjoy that meeting 😉
- me: okay… talk to you soon
- him: you bet
Yet again, no reciprocity. So he either doesn’t feel it, or can’t say it. Neither is good. And like that…poof. Another one bites the dust.