How can I be broken up with for not committing, before we even got started?

One guy who I quite liked – I met him a couple of months ago around the time that naked ironing man was making me crazy with not being able to see him.  So I was intrigued by this guy who was what my friends and I call “a real guy”.  Not in the man’s-man sense, but that he was a business professional, a gentleman, made a decent salary, had a full life, could cook, and was an all around good guy.  He knew his way around a red wine (as do I, for the record).

We met first for a coffee date downtown – he wasn’t stunningly hot but had what my mother would call “kind eyes” and a nice face.  He was my height – but not everyone is perfect.  He was funny, smart, and interesting.  We planned another date.  Since I was trying to balance NIM (naked ironing man), another “real guy” I had just met, and the 30 year-old shenanigans guy (yet to be discussed), my schedule was a bit weird.  It was also over the christmas holidays and close to a big work deadline.  But I found myself with a weekend afternoon free, before I had to pick up my son from his Dad’s, and suggested he come over for a couple of drinks.  He turned out to be pretty darn sexual too and to my surprise, we ended up in my bedroom.  The sex was…

The sex was good…not NIM or Ariel fantastic, but good.  Could see it getting better.  He was adventurous.  Sadly, not one of those guys who had an endless sex drive.

I wasn’t over-the-moon smitten, but I was definitely interested.  We exchanged witty banter via text…and some hot sexting too.

Here’s where it went sideways.  He told me – AFTER we had sex at my house, which he initiated – that if he was sleeping with someone he expected them to not be having sex with anyone else.  WTF?  I didn’t get the memo prior to engaging.  So I’m internally saying “oh shit. oh shit. I don’t want to stop fucking NIM…”  He was serious.   He said he really liked me.  So I told him I absolutely understood where he was coming from.  I didn’t come out and say “oh I’m yours only yours” but nor did I say “no, I’m going to have sex with other guys”.  I told him that I could absolutely be exclusive once I found the right person – but that sometimes it took a little bit of time (at least a few dates) to know if you find someone who fits the bill.  Which I think is reasonable.

We had another date, where he cooked me dinner in my kitchen.  It was lovely.  The sex afterwards was pretty hot too.  I did ask him if he’d ever engage in a MFM threesome.  He looked slightly horrified.  Whoops.

So I was pondering this decision in front of me.  Would it be possible to just cut it off with the others, and see where this took me?  I talked to my Mom, and some friends, just to gauge their reactions.  In the meantime, we had another date planned for a little less than a week later.  I figured I had until then to sort it out.  I was pretty close to saying – yup, I’m all yours, let’s see where this goes.  I even hid my active dating profile.

BUT NO!  Two hours before we were supposed to meet, I get this via text:

Hi. Hope ur day is going well and there haven’t been too many hiccups, post launch. As much as we had fun together, I have to cancel dinner tonight. I’m sorry. In thinking about it, we’re at different places in our dating/relationship life. I enjoyed ur company, in all ways, immensely and wish u only the very best. I’m sorry and hope u understand.

My Mom and I had a debrief (she is very wise, my Mom).  Her thinking is that it was obvious that I wasn’t going to commit and that yes, some guys really expect fidelity right away.  I’m not so sure, since the same day, he took down his online dating profile.  I’ve learned to trust my gut, and my gut tells me this – HE MET SOMEONE ELSE.  Given all of his whining about only being with one person at a time…I think he met someone else and simply couldn’t in good faith date both of us.

And that’s the story I’m sticking to.

Feel free to put forth alternate opinions!

0 thoughts on “How can I be broken up with for not committing, before we even got started?

  1. Kind of guy fall for my charms money and be mine forever.
    And that after one date. WOW. I would be called a needy-need- a- wife- now-guy here if asked that.

    than again that means I need to start dating again LOL
    Happy dating and keep smiling.

    • I KNOW!! It was kinda crazy. He said “oh I know I’m old fashioned” and I’m thinking…not old fashioned enough to wait to have sex…but expecting exclusivity right away? Sheesh.

      Thank you – I do keep smiling. Finding the humor in all of this is the only way I’m able to survive it!

    • Definitely did me a favor – it was hard for me to get to a point where I didn’t regret these outcomes as much. Even with Andrew, it was the same – ultimately you realize these guys are not the right ones for you, given how things worked out. But in the moment, it’s hard to not see *only* the rejection.

What do you think?