Be patient with me as I try to recount some of the craziness of my last few months. I have stories in my proverbial pipeline but will definitely switch from past to present and back again. There is just so much to deal with in my brain…boys, my ex, my son, sex. Trying to figure out what I want. Who I want. What behaviour provides more pleasure than pain. I definitely don’t have it sorted yet.
One thing I’ve been very good at sticking with is my rule that there is NO WAY I will spend time with anyone married or in a relationship. There have been several men who have reached out to me since I became single, and I say no. Although admittedly there were some that I communicated with a bit online on dating sites, and on the rare occasion, also texted. But the experience with “Mr Married” really ended all of that for good.
He was super flirty online. Not openly married but it eventually came out in our discussions. I said thanks but no thanks. He thought it was still an invitation. I said, no, really, I don’t want to come second and certainly don’t want to fall for someone who is in a relationship. It won’t end well for me. He kept at me. I kept saying no. He’s got a wife he doesn’t have sex with, three little kids. He tells me about his sexual history with her and how they used to be quite naughty. But now there is no sex and now he feels like he can’t talk to her anymore, can’t tell her about the things he wants to do. This feels like a total copout to me. I’ve now talked to enough married men who complain about their sex lives (being non-existent) and when I ask them if it was always that way, they say no. One guy told me his wife is just non-sexual. When I asked if she’d always been that way – of course the answer was no. And when I asked if there was any chance she was also stepping out on him, he said there was NO WAY. He’s convinced it’s only he who is unsatisfied. I suggested that perhaps he also didn’t float her sexual boat and he looked at me like I was insane. I didn’t tell him I spoke from experience. My ex once accused me of being frigid. When I told this to a lover who told me I was insatiable, he thought I was kidding.
But anyway, back to this dude. We chatted over the course of a couple of weeks. Finally I agreed to talk to him. In hindsight I’m not sure why. Probably because I was feeling lonely. I certainly didn’t want to have sex with him and I told him as much. I hate to admit this but we agreed to meet at my place. It’s only the second time I’d done that – I know it’s stupid. So this guy shows up and I open my front door and the next thing I know, he’s got his tongue in my mouth and he’s a HORRIBLE kisser. Like a lizard with his tongue darting in and out. I say “what are you doing?” and he says “I know this is what you want, baby”, and I say “nope, actually it’s not”.
So we end up talking on my couch in my living room and it’s like I’m a fucking counsellor to this guy who pours out his whole story of his marriage, relationship, his kinky submissive wife, and their lack of communication. I encourage him to actually try to get back what they lost, tell his wife what he wants, stop chasing after women on dating sites until he does this. I did note that he didn’t get back online on that site for a week. Perhaps that’s all the trying he thought he could do.