I’m starting to think that the “one door closes another opens” mantra is hyper applicable to online dating. It is a cause for a lot of bad behaviour. Sure, there are good guys out there (see “bumper crop of boys“) but you also get the liars (Hook Line and Busted), and in this story, the complete selfish PRICKS. (I put that in caps and bold because it makes me feel a bit better. Hard when you can’t yell at someone in person and you know they are just deleting every one of your texts).
The deliciously hard-bodied personal trainer, who I even went so far as to name John, is an ASS (again with the feeling better). I wrote about him in “When is bailing on a date not bailing on me?” and the latest update from him I wrote about in “Balls of Confusion” when it was a couple of days and I hadn’t heard anything from him. This was on Oct 10. I’m sure many people would have said just fuck him and stop texting…but this was a guy who was texting me morning and night and so full radio silence was strange. Not to mention that I am a silly caring woman who actually felt bad if something had happened to his Mom. So, on a not-too-frequent basis I sent the following texts:
- FRI OCT 11: John?
- SUN: Hey are you there?
- THURS: I ate all the dark chocolate I bought for you.
- TUES: The cashews are next…
- WED OCT 23: Well it’s been two weeks and I have to assume that something serious has happened. I won’t keep bugging you but if you do read this know that whenever you surface again, I would love to hear from you.
And that was the last time I contacted him. It should be noted that he was on my favorites list on the online dating site and I would check to see if he was ever online – the last time he had been on the site was Sept 7. Until…yesterday after the second bumper crop boy who I have yet to write about left, and I went on to the dating site to read an email from an old admirer (I mean, literally an old man. His emails always make me laugh). What do you know? There he was, online!! I thought I would start off nice so I said on Instant Messenger “hey John, how is everything? I was really worried about you and your family. Is everything okay”? No response.
He ignored me. So I decided to send a text to his phone. I said “John…unless someone hacked into your profile it seems you are in fact alive. I was genuinely worried about u. Could you do me the courtesy of telling me what happened to you, please?”
Ladies and Gentleman, I present you with the most angering text exchange for me. Ever:
“Yes i am alive just didn’t want to be bothered. Too many bad dates, liers [sic!] and just bad experiences. You weren’t one but I wanted nothing to do with dating as well I had too many life issues going on to deal with”
Was I supposed to be understanding at this point in time? Fuck no. I was really mad. What a selfish prick. Here was the rest. I knew he was likely deleting every single one of mine but I just had to say what I had to say:
- Me: You completely bailed on me. We had made plans. I thought someone in your family had died. I cared and you not getting back to me was hurtful. So hearing you “just didn’t want to be bothered” makes you sound like a jerk.
- Him: Ok then bye [what the fuck? not even an apology?]
- Me: But if I wasn’t one of the people with whom u had a bad experience, why treat me the same? I was actually really worried about you.
- [No response]
- Me: Well I’m sorry John. By doing what you did to me, you ended up being a liar and a bad experience. Ironic given you say that’s what you wanted to avoid. I liked you and wanted to see you again. And you treated me like shit.
- Him: I never lied. Good bye. Plz do not contact me again seeing as i was a bad experience. Your a great woman and i wish you all the best
- Me: You did lie. We made plans and you ignored all of my attempts to contact you. I actually cared. Sorry u couldn’t see that; I would have understood if you needed time. You were only a bad experience because of the way you acted afterwards. What u did to me was mean. Hurtful. And selfish.
- [No response]
- Me: Sorry one more thing since I just logged on to [the dating site] to take you off my list and I see again you’re online. Don’t bullshit me that I wasn’t one of the people who you had a bad experience with and now say I’m a great woman since you obviously decided to get back in the game. If you liked me, you would have contacted me.
- Him: Bye.
The worst thing for me is that I remember thinking during our date that we has self-absorbed. Didn’t really ask me much about himself. But I thought perhaps it was nervousness. And the sex was fantastic so I was willing to overlook that, if I’m being honest about it. The other sign of the selfishness was the night that he bailed, I had to text him and only then did he tell me he couldn’t make it. I thought it was inconsiderate. So, the worst thing for me is that my gut knew he was selfish and I ignored it. I suppose when it feels good to be wanted, to be desired, to have great sex…and I’m overcoming a decade of not feeling that or having that, I’m willing to overlook traits I shouldn’t. I will need to think more about that because this kind of shit sucks ass. Fucker.