Apparently I'm a dried up divorcee c*nt

There’s a first time for everything I guess.  One night, I’m on the naughty section of the one dating site, and I see an email come in.  Profile name is “TallHotDoctor”.  Okay, cool.  The message subject and body is the same:

Can you cum over now so I can fuck you nice and hard? : )

Um, no. I looked at his profile and it said he was 31 years old, and a Doctor with not 1 but 2! plastic surgery practices.  Riiiggghhhtttt.  But I was raised right and I don’t think it’s nice to ignore people so the next email exchange went like this:


So now I’m remembering all those pranks I heard about as a kid, ordering pizza to a friend’s house.  This now sort of felt like that.  I figured there’s some poor guy named Bill having his stag party, or a dickhead named Bill who this guy wants to get in serious trouble with Bill’s wife.  So I ignored the follow-up message.  THEN…I get an instant message almost spontaneously in two sections of the site.  Basically saying come over and fuck me.  Again gives me his address.  So now I’m having a wee bit of fun so I respond back with a comment that given one of his profiles says he wants a relationship and the other, casual sex, that it didn’t feel like he was genuine.  He says goddamnit it’s all me just come over and fuck me.  I say, I’m sorry but I’m not just coming over and it’s highly unusual for someone to just give their address so quickly.  Then the clincher – feeling very clever – I say “but I’d be happy to send you a pizza if you like“.

I wasn’t prepared for the next texts:

>> just shut up and come over you divorced blonde cung

>> cunt

I thought it was nice of him to correct his spelling.  In case I thought “cung” was a compliment. I fired back “fuck you, that’s just impolite”.  Then the clincher:

>> you act like your 18 years old your just a divorcee used up with kids old bag quit acting like your hot shit

Wow.  So, after laughing out loud – I mean, he thinks I have multiple kids? I just have one! – I blocked and reported him.  His profiles were gone the next day.

0 thoughts on “Apparently I'm a dried up divorcee c*nt

  1. Haha the lovely world of online dating. Only done it once and although since I’m a guy I should be ok w similar messages from girls but the emails I got was just so awful that I gave up after 4 days of online dating. So enjoying the normal outdoor dating instead 🙂

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