There’s a first time for everything I guess. One night, I’m on the naughty section of the one dating site, and I see an email come in. Profile name is “TallHotDoctor”. Okay, cool. The message subject and body is the same:
Can you cum over now so I can fuck you nice and hard? : )
Um, no. I looked at his profile and it said he was 31 years old, and a Doctor with not 1 but 2! plastic surgery practices. Riiiggghhhtttt. But I was raised right and I don’t think it’s nice to ignore people so the next email exchange went like this:
So now I’m remembering all those pranks I heard about as a kid, ordering pizza to a friend’s house. This now sort of felt like that. I figured there’s some poor guy named Bill having his stag party, or a dickhead named Bill who this guy wants to get in serious trouble with Bill’s wife. So I ignored the follow-up message. THEN…I get an instant message almost spontaneously in two sections of the site. Basically saying come over and fuck me. Again gives me his address. So now I’m having a wee bit of fun so I respond back with a comment that given one of his profiles says he wants a relationship and the other, casual sex, that it didn’t feel like he was genuine. He says goddamnit it’s all me just come over and fuck me. I say, I’m sorry but I’m not just coming over and it’s highly unusual for someone to just give their address so quickly. Then the clincher – feeling very clever – I say “but I’d be happy to send you a pizza if you like“.
I wasn’t prepared for the next texts:
>> just shut up and come over you divorced blonde cung
I thought it was nice of him to correct his spelling. In case I thought “cung” was a compliment. I fired back “fuck you, that’s just impolite”. Then the clincher:
>> you act like your 18 years old your just a divorcee used up with kids old bag quit acting like your hot shit
Wow. So, after laughing out loud – I mean, he thinks I have multiple kids? I just have one! – I blocked and reported him. His profiles were gone the next day.