Long story but at present I am stuck in a room in a government building with lots of other people waiting to perform a “civic duty”. After I’ve done all the work I can do, read the news that is interesting, organized my apps on my iPhone, finished Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence…what do to?
So I get on my iPhone to text and email and also log on to the 2 dating sites I’m on. Right now I’m seeing Ariel on a regular basis. He’s told me I fill all of his needs right now and he’s got no interest in pursing any other extracurriculars. He’s so great to me on many levels (makes the bed! helped take out all the boxes to the curb for recycling!) but yet I find my brain still wandering and unable to just focus on him. I wonder if this is because he actually seems to really like me and I’m so not ready for a relationship at this point. And because deep down despite how great he is as how physically compatible we are, I know he’s not a “soul mate”. But, regardless of the rationale, this makes me feel slutty.
Why is it that women who are exploring multiple relationships are sluts and men doing the equivalent are (often) considered players? Not that I like players per se but I even find myself approaching the whole thing with a double standard in reverse. I expect to have all the freedom I want but I’d be peeved if Ariel was doing the same. WTF is with that? Why is my self-worth tied to the need to have someone dedicated to me, when at the same time that dedication pushes me away? Why, when I recognize that I have needs that right now are met by different men, is that so off-putting to me in a partner?
Regardless, I am embracing my sluttiness right now, today. In the last few hours, stuck in this government building, I’ve done the following:
>> Made a date with one guy (a personal trainer with some lovely tattoos!) for this evening, despite having to do a ton of stuff at home tonight and leave early for the airport in the morning. He’s driving 90 minutes to see me;
>> Sent three different guys the same picture of my tits (one of whom asked SO nicely last night for one, so I figured I’d share);
>> I also had a lovely online chat with one of my “regulars” on one of the dating sites (more about him in another post to come, he’s crazy in a good way), met a pilot on another, and a gorgeous Italian who sadly lives outside the city (forgot to check first before I responded) and not to keen on commuting.
In return, I have received: 1 picture of a nice ass (belonging to my date tonight), 3 different cock shots from the same guy (who also tried to make a date with me tonight…but he’s farther down in the queue), and 1 post-cum shot showing me how much cum was produced after looking at the picture of my tits. Have to say, I’m not a fan of cum shots. Curious whether this is something other women like, but for me? Ugh.
Oh, and I can’t forget, text throughout the day from Ariel that just make me feel all warm and happy inside…including:
“I miss waking up and rolling over then feeling your legs wrap around me”
“I absolutely can see you on XXXX and I will be fully rested to fuck you deep and hard”
“I crave you all the time”
“There are so many things I love when we are fucking each other. Makes me never want to stop feeling you cum all over me. You are truly an amazing woman and all I want to do is make you smile and be happy.”
So WHY am I going on a date with a different guy tonight?